


Redemption Song

by PeppyDragon



Series: The Bucket List [4]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Drama, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Indoctrination Theory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-11-30 02:49:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 27
Words: 67,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11454423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeppyDragon/pseuds/PeppyDragon
Summary: (Part 4 of 4 of the Bucket List Series.  Re-write of the 2012 original.  Originally posted on fanfiction.net)The crew of the Normandy is forced to face the Reaper attacks on the front line. Tensions arise as the number of deaths mount, and Shepard struggles with losing her moral compass when push comes to shove. Garrus isn't sure what is the biggest threat anymore - the Reapers or Leviathan.-Jane Shepard/Garrus Vakarian || Takes place during ME3 || Very loosely based on the events of ME3 -





	1. Silver Coin

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything, as usual! This is the final part of the Bucket List Series! It's been so fun re-writing this and posting it here, so I hope you've been enjoying it!
> 
> The title song for this story is ["Redemption Song," by Bob Marley.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrY9eHkXTa4)
> 
> The title song for this chapter is ["Silver Coin," by Angus and Julia Stone.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APa5eDGl4Uk)
> 
> Please enjoy!
> 
>  
> 
>   
> 

The nightmares had been the worst part of her confinement. She would awake all hours of the night, a sick weight in her stomach and the urge to vomit on her tongue. The dreams were never fully remembered, other than the crippling blackness, a lack of air, and being utterly alone. And then Shepard would awake, gasping, and find herself just as alone as she had been in her dreams. It was usually about that time that she went through all of the reasons she shouldn't break out of her glorified cell and make a break for Palaven.  
  
One morning found her tallying the pros and cons of skipping out on the final week of her tribunal. The questioning had gone on for six grueling months. By the third week, Shepard was ready to pull her hair out. Now she was just pissed. The length of the tribunal, which should have only lasted two months at most, was due to _new evidence._ This evidence kept cropping up, conveniently overlooked prior and linking Shepard to the attack on the Bahak system. Never mind the fact that Shepard had hospital records showing her on Palaven at the time of the attack. When questioned about Bahak for the millionth time one day around week eight, Shepard had snarkily replied, on record, "Being in two places at once is something I've always wanted to do. Damned if it only happens when I am in a hospital after being tortured for two days."  
  
The comment had bolstered her approval rating through the human, salarian and turian populace; it plummeted with what was left of the batarians. _Go figure,_ she thought. _The one race that hates me for something I didn't do, hates me even more when I defend myself._  
  
Her omni-tool buzzed, the interface flashing up on her arm. It was a new message from Liara; one of the thousands she received daily.  
  
_T'Soni, L: How is the omni-tool? Did you go with the new Katnoss model I told you about?_  
  
Shepard smiled, typing a quick affirmative. She hadn't realized Liara was also an information broker on omni-tools, but the asari seemed to be knowledgeable about everything. And she didn't waste any opportunity to prove it.  
  
_T'Soni, L: Good, I am sure you love it._  
  
Shepard rolled her eyes. _Yes, Liara,_ she typed, I love it. Thank you for your uninhibited knowledge and insight into everything from omni-tools to criminal tracking. It makes my incarcerated life less hectic, having the SB as my personal secretary.

It took a few moments for Liara to respond.

 _T'Soni, L: I was worried you might be angry with me until I remembered confinement makes you edgy and sarcastic. Perhaps a case of acute claustrophobia? …Just teasing, Shepard. Good luck at the trial._  
  
Shepard grinned and closed out her messages. She went to her private bathroom and took a quick shower, getting changed into the standard Alliance blues. She was amused and disheartened that she was allowed to wear them now that she was demoted and stripped of all rank and title. She had lost everything she had worked so hard for, and all because she went off on her own to save humanity.  
  
Shepard brushed out her hair, which was once again cut to Alliance regulations. It had grown out longer while she was with Cerberus, but the shorter hair suited her better. It was easier to manage, anyway. She applied her makeup in record time before going back into her living quarters for breakfast.  
  
She watched the children across the street playing on the rooftop, pretending to be Alliance pilots and rogue Collectors. She smiled as she munched on some less than appetizing instant-oatmeal.  If only killing Collectors had been that easy. A few uttered pew, pews and then they dropped dead.

She glanced at her omni-tool, whose interface lit up a startling pumpkin orange when activated. No new messages. Shepard sighed. Garrus had been…distant, to say the least. She knew he was busy; he mentioned that he was helping the Primarch with something and that he and his dad were working on getting proof of the Reaper threat. Shepard did her best to be supportive and not overburden him with pings.  He was busy, after all. She, on the other hand, had nothing but time.  
  
The oatmeal felt like it was congealing in her stomach, sitting heavy and unmoving. _What if something is happening on Palaven? What if they found something big?_ The thought of it made Shepard squirm in her seat. She pulled up her omni-tool's list of identifiers and found the Solana Vakarian's name. The youngest Vakarian always responded to pings immediately.  
  
_Shepard, J: Solana, how are things on Palaven? Any new Reaper info?_  
  
Shepard waited for twenty minutes and there was no response. The heavy feeling in her stomach worsened, becoming a curdling pain. Something was happening.  It wasn’t like Sol to take more than five minutes to respond.  
  
The door to her room opened and Anderson was there. His face was ashen, his hands clenching and unclenching. "Shepard, we need you."  
  
Shepard's stomach turned. She didn't even bother saluting him. "Is it…?"  
  
Anderson's gaze went to the floor for a moment before he met hers. "Your tribunal has been canceled indefinitely. We need you in front of the Defense Committee. We don't know what it is but it's big. We just lost all communication outside of the Sol system."  
  
Shepard got to her feet, biting back a smart comment about no longer being with the Alliance. No matter what her rank, be it civilian or Commander, Shepard would defend her home. "Lead the way, Admiral."

* * *

 

Her hands were shaking. She wasn't sure if she was sweating or crying or both. All she knew was that Earth was being overrun, Mars was under attack, and now Kaidan was nearly dead. Shepard took a shaky breath, leaning heavily against the bulkhead of the shuttle bay. The cold metal bit into her arms, sharpening her mind as it did. She knew she needed to suit up. They'd be getting into the drop ship soon. Their destination was Palaven's largest moon, Menae. Palaven… where Shepard had spent almost three months after the Collector base.  Where she had been kidnapped and tortured by the Tenth Street Reds.  Where Garrus fought for his life after saving her from Finch.  Where she and Garrus had parted ways, much to their displeasure.

And now she wasn't even sure if he was alive.  
  
"Shepard?"  
  
Shepard glanced up, meeting Liara's large eyes. Liara looked concerned but did well to mask it. She stepped close to Shepard, offering her a small token. "This may not be the time or the place… but I would like it if you would keep this."  
  
Shepard took the offered item, glancing over it. It was, from what she could tell, a coarse fibered necklace, inlaid with tiny glass pebbles that shifted from blue to green. At Shepard's questioning glance, Liara blushed. "It's a… a talisman, I suppose you could say. It's nothing fancy, I just found it on Mars, but I… I want you to have it."  
  
Shepard nodded, numbly putting the necklace into the compartment inside her armor.  Liara smiled softly before asking, "How are you holding up?"  
  
"Not very well," Shepard returned, swallowing. "It's not something you can ever be prepared for. The death… the inhumanity of it all." She looked away, taking a shuddering breath. "Seeing life snuffed out as if it wasn't even there. Seeing all of that… and then walking away."  
  
Liara touched Shepard's elbow gently, her eyes full of sorrow and compassion. "I am so sorry, Shepard. I wish there was something I could do or say to make this better. But we will stop it. We will save Earth."  
  
Shepard nodded, whispering, "I hope you're right."

 

* * *

 

Palaven was burning. Shepard tried her best to keep herself focused on the mission as they picked off the husks attacking Menae's communication tower. She tried to remember her purpose - she was here to lead. She swallowed down her fear and pain and continued to defend Liara as she worked on the comm tower.  
  
She heard James whooping to her left – he was enjoying the destruction, or so it seemed. Or perhaps he was busy pretending that he was on Earth, taking back his homeland. Whatever his reason, his enthusiasm did a bit to ease her tensions.  
  
Shepard squatted down on the hard ground, switching out her ammo for the disruptor variety during a lull in the husk attacks. She glanced back at Liara, who was working through the communication tower repairs as quickly as she could. "How's it going?"  
  
"Almost there!" Liara called back. "Just keep them busy a little longer!"  
  
Vega cackled to her side. "Lola, you gotta get your head in this – I've outshot ya three to one!"  
  
Shepard felt a small smile creep onto her face as she shouldered her rifle, aiming down the barrel. The crosshairs lined up and she pulled the trigger, relishing the control of the perfect shot. The husk went down like a sack of potatoes. She focused her breathing, falling into the long-familiar task of _breathe in, reload, aim, exhale, fire._ The task centered her, making her forget everything else.  
  
"Done!" Liara exclaimed after five more minutes, pushing away from the tower and reaching for her automatic pistol. She took Shepard's place in firing while Shepard reached out to the Command Station. "General Corinthus, do you read me? We have communication back up."  
  
"Yes, Shepard, thank you," Corinthus responded, sounding relieved. "I will try to raise Palaven Command."  
  
"Roger," Shepard breathed, sidestepping a husk as it flew through the air, caught in a singularity loop. "We'll stay here and help your men out. Call us when you have something."  
  
Shepard crouched down, taking another deep breath and loaded a new round into her barrel. _Aim, exhale,_ she thought, her breath fanning out as she brought the sights up to her eye. _Fire._

* * *

 

"Comms are up," one of the men called through the helmet links which were now operational again. "It's about time Command got it working! We've been blind out here!"

"Keep it tight," Garrus ordered. "Harvester – squad three, keep sights on that flying bastard. That's the last thing we need on our asses right now."  
  
Garrus lined up a marauder in his sights, his sharp teeth grinding as he pulled the trigger. Killing husks were one thing; the marauders were more difficult. It was harder to look at one and not see a fallen comrade, a turian brother or sister.  
  
"Spirits, will it ever stop?" someone else spat out.  
  
"Squad five, husks inbound," Garrus continued, not dignifying the comment with a response.  
  
"Vakarian, sir!" someone called. "Command is requesting you, sir! Alliance Navy is here and needs you to help locate Victus."  
  
"Victus?" Garrus repeated. And then, after a pause, "Alliance? The Navy is here?" Hope began to bubble up. _Have the humans heard about the Reapers and came to intercept?_  
  
"Not a force, sir," the runner called back, sounding morose. "There's only three of them. They need to get Victus.  He's evidently the new Primarch. Something about a War Summit."  
  
Garrus cursed heavily, turning from the front line. Not only did they have no backup, but their Primarch was dead and the Alliance needed to drag a new one away from the battle. "Keep formations tight, don't let any through," he ordered the men who had been around him. "Squad seven, tighten up your flank!"

With a grumble and sigh, Garrus left his station.

It took him the better part of ten minutes, but Garrus picked his way back to Command. He almost didn't notice the figures that were standing with Corinthius as he drew close to the station.  
  
"-don't give a damn who! I just need someone who can help us get the turian resources we need."  
  
Garrus' heart stopped for a moment. He did his best to stay calm as he stepped onto the platform. "I'm on it, Shepard. We'll get you a Primarch."  
  
Shepard's eyes met his and he saw the same relief fill her face that must have been on his. "Garrus," she greeted, her tone a mix of more emotions than Garrus knew the words for. She stepped toward him and faltered, seeming to remember they were in the middle of a war zone. They stared at one another, not speaking, and then Shepard broke. She flung herself at him and his arms encircled her, breathing in her scent of sweat and vanilla.

"I'm glad to see you're still among us," she whispered against his armor.  
  
Garrus chuckled, brushing a hand over the back of her helmet, wishing his hands were in her hair.  Something about running his talons through the waterfall of red hair always soothed him. "You know me. I'm harder to kill than all that." They pulled apart, neither one of them liking it but knowing they needed to focus.  "I'm here advising," he continued. "I'm the closest thing they have to an expert on these damned things, so…."  
  
Shepard bit her lower lip, trying to stifle a chuckle. "Garrus, meet Lieutenant James Vega. James, this is Garrus Vakarian. He's saved the galaxy with me… how many times now?"  
  
Garrus laughed, voice flanging. "Well, I guess it would be two. Feels like two million. It's nice to meet you, Lieutenant," he added, reaching out to shake Vega's hand. The human male looked slightly confused as he glanced between them as if trying to puzzle out why his CO seemed to have forgotten her rank and station.  
  
"It's nice to see you, too, Liara. As lovely as ever," Garrus added to the asari.  
  
Liara looked embarrassed. "Stop, you'll make me blush. I'm glad you're okay, Garrus," she added more seriously.  
  
Corinthus was watching this all with something like mild annoyance. Shepard and Garrus' romp on Palaven months ago was widely gossiped about on the planet and met with mixed reactions. Corinthus was hoping the two would keep it professional long enough to get the Primarch to safety.  "Now that we're all acquainted…?"  
  
Garrus nodded.  "We should get moving. I can answer any of your questions while we get back to the Northern Crest. I was fighting with him there this morning."  
  
Shepard nodded. "Let's move."


	2. What I Wouldn't Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
> 
> This chapter's title song is ["What I Wouldn't Do," by A Fine Frenzy.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=042teGeQ2dY) Please enjoy!

Sur'Kesh had been a disaster and a half. Shepard still wasn't sure if she could figure out the details of everything that had happened. From the moment they had attempted to touch down on the secret base, things had gotten complicated. Between Wrex nearly eating two salarians at the drop point and the hostile, pointed glares of the STG scientists, Shepard felt like she should have realized things were going to go from bad to worse.   
  
And that they did – quickly. She had to roll her eyes at the memory, still frustrated about Cerberus attacking the base, the salarians within, and, most importantly, Eve. It could have easily turned into a massive tragedy – not to mention a death sentence for the entire galaxy – had Eve died.   
  
Shepard made her evening rounds of the ship, popping her head in on everyone and making sure things were going smoothly. Chloe Michel, the most recent addition to the Normandy, seemed to be having a small temper tantrum when Shepard came to the medical bay.   
  
"Doctor, everything alright?" Shepard asked from the doorway.   
  
Michel turned, her green eyes widened in an expression similar to a child with her hand in the cookie jar. "Oh, Commander. I am so sorry, was I disturbing you?"   
  
Shepard kept her smile in check for no other reason than she didn't wish to upset the doctor. The younger woman always seemed a bit more sensitive than Shepard was comfortable with. "No, you weren't disturbing anyone. I just noticed flailing limbs when I was walking by and decided to come check it out."   
  
A faint, rosy sheen came to the woman's cheeks. "Oh, that. I have been trying to clean up behind Mordin and it's getting increasingly difficult. I never knew a salarian could double as a hurricane," she murmured, rummaging through the mess on her desk.   
  
Shepard stepped into the room to lean against the wall. "Did he finally go get some rest?"   
  
"Mmhmm," Michel hummed, neatly arranging data pads into two piles – probably one for her and one for Mordin. "He said he would be in the crew quarters if you needed him. Eve is wandering the ship, as well. She said something about keeping Wrex on his toes?"   
  
Shepard chuckled. "He's a bit of a mother hen when it comes to her."   
  
"Understandable so, too," Michel murmured, swiveling in her chair to face Shepard. "Was there something else I could help you with?"   
  
Shepard shook her head. "No, I just like to check in on everyone. Getting settled in?"   
  
"When I can," she nodded. "I never realized working on a warship would be so different than the hospital. Not that I am complaining," she added quickly, pale green eyes widening. "I love being able to help, really help. And it's nice to be around… well," she broke off, looking embarrassed. "Anyway, I have lots of things to clean before Mordin comes back in."   
  
"All so you can do it again tomorrow evening?"   
  
Michel chuckled and nodded. "Good evening, Commander." Before Shepard could make it out the door, though, Michel called, "Oh, Commander! Garrus mentioned he was feeling overworked. Maybe you should give him a night off? Doctor's orders," she added with something suspiciously like ardor in her eyes.   
  
Shepard raised an eyebrow but nodded. "Sure… I'll let him know." She stood outside of the medical bay for a few moments, more than a little confused by Michel's words.  _ Garrus? Feeling overworked? _ Not only did Shepard give most of her crew free reign, the turian went stir-crazy if he didn't have something to do at any given moment.   
  
Shepard said a quick hello and exchanged pleasantries with a few ensigns in the mess before turning toward the Main Battery.   
  
When she entered the room, the first thing she noticed was how unbearably hot it was. Shepard would have turned around and walked back out if it weren't for her desire to talk to Garrus in private. Other than a few meals shared with other crew members, the two hadn't seen much of each other.   
  
She heard Garrus' flanged voice from the back corner of the room. She poked her head around to the right catwalk, finding Garrus toward the front of the gun. He had dismantled parts of it, the mechanics strewn about him.   
  
"-I'm seeing the same numbers," he was saying, his voice low. He glanced up and saw Shepard and pointed to his earpiece. "I know, sir, but we have to hold out until we can secure the alliance with the krogan."   
  
Shepard sat down on the crate by the door, watching as Garrus fiddled with the metal pieces on the catwalk. He somehow managed to take all of those pieces and assemble them into… something. Shepard wasn't sure what it was, but she was sure it was now a useful item for their cannon.   
  
"If anyone can do it, Shepard can. Try to get rest." Garrus disconnected from the call, letting out a hefty sigh. He got to his feet, setting the metal piece down and walked toward her. "Shepard. Just the person I wanted to see."   
  
Shepard met his eyes and smiled. "Why, so you can tell me what a horrible CO I am and how I overwork you?"   
  
Garrus chuckled, stopping just shy of her. "And why would I say such a ridiculous thing?"   
  
"Doctor Michel mentioned you were feeling overworked," Shepard said, unable to keep her smirk from her face.   
  
"Oh, spirits, that woman," Garrus grumbled. "You know, I tell her I am busy because I'm too nice to ask her to stop stalking me through the ship. So what does she do? She goes to the captain of the ship and asks her to, what, give me some time off?"   
  
Shepard hid her laughter behind a hand. "I'm sorry, Garrus, I didn't realize I was so tough on you. How about I make it up to you by having Michel bring you a plate of food? Maybe some grapes; she can hand-feed you while you sit on your throne and calibrate for fun."   
  
"First off," Garrus began, his mandibles wiggling in amusement, "I don't know what grapes are. Secondly, I don't have a throne. And please, for all that you deem holy – don't let her in here. She will never leave."   
  
Shepard chuckled, glancing down at the floor. "How’s the Primarch?"   
  
"As stressed and disheartened as anyone is, I suppose," Garrus replied, tone softer. "I don't know what to tell him. He looks to me for reassurance and I don't have much to offer."   
  
"Other than I work miracles," Shepard added.   
  
"Right," he agreed. "But it's true. You're the only one I know who would have a chance at getting that alliance."   
  
"Yeah," she sighed, getting to her feet. "I'll get it. It might take a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and alcohol. Maybe a bit of gun pointing and some mildly veiled threats, but…"   
  
“Isn’t that just what you call Monday?”  Garrus reached out, his talons raking gently across the side of her face. They were still buffed in spite of them being apart for six months. "How are you?" he asked, tone dropping lower. "We haven't had a chance to… talk."   
  
Shepard closed her eyes, leaning her face into his hand. "I'm tired," she admitted with a faint smile. "I haven't had a certain turian to make sure I'm sleeping enough."   
  
He pulled her in closer, her body relaxing against the soft civilian tunic he wore. "Spirits, I've missed you," he whispered against her hair, one hand trailing along her spine and falling to the small of her back. "You're the only thing that made leaving Manae bearable."   
  
"I was so scared," she admitted, feeling the tears she had been holding back for the past six months blur her vision. "When we saw Palaven burning…."   
  
"I'm here," he assured her, leaning down and brushing his mouth plates against her lips. Shepard felt herself melting into him. It had been so long, and so much had happened since they had been together. She had been worried that he would be too immersed in the war to still care. A silly sentiment, but one her heart created despite the fact.   
  
Shepard pulled back, smiling. "We need to make up for six months of not being able to do that."   
  
"And I am happy to oblige," Garrus chuckled, a hand running through her hair. "You cut it... I was getting attached to all of that moss."   
  
"It grows back," Shepard assured him with a smile. Standing on her tiptoes to secure another kiss, she asked, "What about Solana? Your mom and dad? Are they all still on Palaven?"   
  
Garrus looked away and his expression told her everything before he even opened his mouth. "Mom died… two months ago."   
  
"God, Garrus, I am so sorry," Shepard whispered, her hand cupping his mandible.   
  
"It was better that she passed then. Peaceful. We were all there and…." His voice broke. When he began speaking again, his voice was flanging so heavily it was hard for Shepard to understand him. "It's better she left us then, before the Reapers. I would have never been able to forgive myself if I hadn't been there with her."   
  
"Have you heard about Solana and your dad?" Shepard pressed gently, her hand caressing across the craggy scars of his right mandible.   
  
"No," he admitted, "and it's been long enough to make me worry."   
  
"They're both tough," Shepard murmured. "You'll hear from them."   
  
"I hope you're right," he sighed, turning his attention back to the gun. "I really should get back to it. You'd think there'd be nothing left to do on the warfare suite and guns, but someone always manages to mess everything up in here."   
  
"Just to keep you on your toes," Shepard teased gently, moving to the left catwalk. "Can I help?" At Garrus' confused look, she laughed. "Alright, I know I can't _actually_ help. I can stand here and try to look pretty, though. You know, for morale."   
  
Garrus chuckled, moving back to the right catwalk and picking up the metal piece he had been working on. "Well then get over here and improve my morale, since you insist on overworking me."   
  
Shepard laughed, moving around the massive cannon to join him on the other side of the room.   
  


* * *

 

Garrus carried Shepard back to her room, not having the heart to wake her. He had worked well into the morning on upgrading the cannon and didn't notice when she finally nodded off on the supply crates in the corner. He had, however, noticed the dark circles under her eyes and heard the weariness in her voice.    
  
As he put her down on the bed and covered her with her soft duvet, her eyes fluttered open. "Garrus?"   
  
"I'm here," he said quickly, taking one of her hands in his. "Sorry I kept you down there for so long."   
  
"Stay with me?" she asked, her eyes already closing.   
  
Garrus smiled, moving to the other side of the bed. He curled up behind her, pulling her close to him. "Sleep well, Shepard."   
  
The only response was a soft snore.   



	3. Lonely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
> 
> This chapter's title song is ["Lonelily," by Damien Rice.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFocUB917nY) Please enjoy!

Shepard was too stunned to think for a moment. "Jack?" The name fell from her lips without her even meaning for it to happen.   
  
The woman in front of her, looking so different than she had just nine months ago, was equally flabbergasted. "Shepard? What the hell-"   
  
"Maybe now isn't the best time for this little reunion?" Liara suggested as the door to their left slid open, an Atlas grappling to get through the doorway. The asari had her gun pointed at the thing but did not fire. "Perhaps the children should go upstairs?"   
  
"Shit," Jack cursed heavily, turning her attention to the rag-tag group of teenagers with her. "Get upstairs, get your shields up. Shepard-"   
  
"Go with them," Shepard bade, moving for cover behind a pillar, "we've got you covered."   
  
Jack's eyes said what the biotic never would. The relief on her face was immense as she turned and sprinted after the kids, lobbing an overload toward the Atlas.   
  
The Atlas pilot had finally caught sight of the ground team and was bringing its massive missile arm up for a strike. Shepard bolted from behind cover, switching from her sniper to her assault rifle. She let off a volley of shots, drawing its attention. The missile came whistling toward her faster than she had expected. She barely managed to flatten herself against the ground before the projectile hit the back wall with a loud bang.   
  
Liara was ducking in and out of cover to the side of the Atlas, causing a distraction – a very annoying distraction, as every other time she emerged she tossed another flare of blue light at the mech. Garrus was to the right, aiming down the barrel to find the sweet spot on the glass visor. Shepard was confused by it at first, but then realization dawned.

_ Bust that thing, kill the pilot, and you have a semi-intact mech at your disposal. _ Shepard grinned at the idea. What she wouldn't give to get behind one of those death machines.

"Engineers!" Liara cried from her corner, disappearing behind a stone divider. Sure enough, Shepard spotted the three engineers that had come in for backup. Two were setting up turrets, the other one covering their work. A few ground grunts were hovering around them, as well, just waiting to pull the trigger.   
  
"Shepard," Garrus growled over the comm, knowing her too well.  "Don't do it."   
  
Shepard grinned and then switched to her sniper rifle again, lining up her shot on the mech. She felt a few of its high calibers knock against her shoulder and flinched at the bruising pain of their impact.  She mentally uttered a thank you to the N7 program for their armor’s superior shielding - it would take a lot more than a few bullets to take it down.   
  
She let out a breath and plunged the trigger, the shot hitting the mech's glass visor just perfectly. The glass shattered and the pilot spent a few moments clawing anxiously at himself, trying to get the glass off.   
  
Shepard reloaded, aimed, and pulled the trigger. The pilot's head exploded into a mess of red.   
  
"Shepard," Garrus began.   
  
"Cover me!" Shepard called, tossing herself over the partition she had been ducking behind. She could hear Liara's cry of alarm, as well as Garrus' annoyance, as she raced toward the mech. While Garrus and Liara had managed to take out almost everyone, two engineers and the turrets were still live.   
  
The turrets swiveled toward Shepard's movement, following her as she dashed toward the mech. They began unloading bullets and Shepard felt her shield weakening as each found its mark. Shepard vaulted into the Atlas just as she felt her shield snap, drained. She tossed the dead, decapitated body of the Cerberus troop out of the suit, panting. Her shield was slowly coming back online, making a pathetic whining noise as it attempted to regain its former solidity.   
  
Shepard whirled the suit around as quickly as she could and nudged it forward. The mech was certainly not the easiest piece of machinery to operate, but Shepard had some training in heavy suits back in her recruitment days. The Atlas might be a different model, she mused, but it drove pretty much the same.   
  
She shot a rocket at one of the remaining engineers, catching one of them head-on. When the dust cleared, neither engineer nor turrets were left standing.   
  
"What in the hell were you thinking, Shepard?" Garrus chided over the link. "We could have easily taken them out from cover!"   
  
Shepard hopped out of the suit, feeling her lips twitch into a smirk. "Come on, Garrus, lighten up. I wasn't in any danger-"   
  
"Well, well, well," Jack's voice filtered down from the top floor. "Kahlee said she was calling in for backup. Who woulda thought Queen Girlscout would be there to answer our call?" She hopped over the railing, landing gracefully on the ground floor. Glancing back up at the kids, she said, "Grab some juice and energy bars. We gotta get the fu… have to leave soon," she finished lamely.   
  
"Jack, you were always so good with words," Shepard grinned, walking toward the biotic. She noticed, as she drew closer, that Jack was no longer grinning. In fact, she looked pissed. Her brown eyes were narrowed to near slits. "Jack, what-"   
  
Jack lashed out, faster than a snake. Her fist connected squarely with Shepard's jaw, making her stumble back a few paces. Shepard grabbed her jaw right as Garrus drew closer, his hand on his gun. "What the hell-" he began.   
  
"That was for not listening to me about Cerberus!" Jack hissed. "I told you! Didn't I tell you?  _ They can't be trusted,  _ I said. But you go along with them anyway.  _ They'll sell us all down the river, _ I said. But you went ahead and took that fu… damn risk, didn't you?"   
  
"You did tell me," Shepard agreed, moving her lower jaw to make sure it wasn't out of alignment. "I wish you could have just stuck to an _ 'I told you so' _ instead of decking me, though."   
  
"You deserve to have a good decking now and again," Jack muttered, but her lips were tilting into a faint smile. "It's about time you showed up. Took you long enough. Did you stop for some lattes on the way in?"   
  
"Still as sweet as ever," Garrus commented, his hand hovering over Shepard's back, as if ready to catch her in case she was hit again.   
  
"Bite me, Garrus," Jack responded, rising to the taunt. "Better yet, bite her. We all know she’s into that."   
  
Liara cleared her throat, her gaze flitting from Shepard to Jack. Shepard smiled gently at Liara. "Liara, this is Jack. She likes to act tough, but she's really a softy on the inside." Shepard moved back before Jack could get any ideas about another right hook. "Jack, this is Liara. She's-"   
  
"New Shadow Broker, I know," Jack nodded. "She came back to the Normandy that one time for dinner or some shit."   
  
The children above them were all murmuring, their voices full of something like excitement. Finally, one of them, a girl, called down, "Hey Teach, you really know Commander Shepard?"   
  
Jack rolled her eyes. "Drink your juice, Rodriguez!"   
  
"I do not mean to seem rude," Liara began, "but you do not seem like the type to be teaching children."   
  
Jack shrugged. "I know, right? The Alliance offered me the gig, probably trying to keep me out of trouble. I guess I am dependable now." She let out a hefty sigh, staring at the ceiling as if it were a heavy burden.   
  
Shepard grinned. "I'm proud of you. It's obvious you care about them."   
  
"Yeah," Jack grumbled, rubbing the back of her neck. "I blame you and all of that team building shit."   
  


* * *

 

Shepard sat at the table across from Jack, unable to keep a smile off of her face.

Jack looked annoyed, "What, Shepard? Oh _God,_ please don't tell me you just get laid, I do not want to hear that shit."   
  
Shepard smirked. "Well, that, too.  But I wanted to say that I'm glad to see you doing so well."   
  
"So you keep saying," Jack grumbled. "We won't be here for long, just until Hackett's fleet can intercept us."   
  
One of Hackett's armada ships would be rendezvousing with the Normandy near the Citadel in a few days. Shepard was a little disheartened that she didn’t have more time with Jack.  The two had never been overly close, but Shepard had a soft spot for the psychotic biotic.  "It's nice having the kids here on the ship," Shepard continued, ignoring her last comment. "I never realized how much I missed kids until now. Did I tell you I used to help out at the Alliance daycare back when I was in basic training?"   
  
Jack scoffed. "Why would you have ever told me that? We weren't exactly buds back then."   
  
"I thought we were."   
  
Jack narrowed her eyes as if trying to determine if Shepard was pulling her leg. "Well. We weren't. Not really."   
  
"And now?" Shepard pressed.   
  
Jack made a noise of exasperation in the back of her throat. "You are so infuriatingly talkative. You remind me of a shrink. Or Kahlee."   
  
Shepard grinned. "I like Kahlee."   
  
"Yeah," Jack sighed, "me too." The women sat in silence for a while, Jack glancing around the shockingly empty mess hall. "Remember that last supper we had before we hit the Collector's base?"   
  
"Do I ever," Shepard chuckled. "I'm shocked we were able to move after all of that food. I thought I'd be rolling myself off the Normandy in a wheelbarrow."   
  
Jack was chuckling. "I... Sometimes I miss it. Being here with all of you." She looked uncomfortable, her gaze fixated on the table. "Not so much the people, or even the constant missions. I just miss... the group. Being a part of something. I didn't have to be looked up to then. I could just... be."   
  
"It gets lonely being the one everyone looks to for guidance," Shepard agreed, her tone soft. "But on the up side, you have your kids. Are they worth a little loneliness?"   
  
"Hell yes," she said quickly, tone firm. "I would do anything,  _ anything  _ for them."   
  
"Well, then I suppose being a little lonely is a decent price to pay for having them," Shepard said.   
  
Jack looked off into the distance, toward the main battery. "Do you still get lonely? Even with Garrus?"   
  
"Sure," Shepard replied, leaning back in her chair. "And sometimes I like the loneliness. It reminds me of all of the things and people I miss and cherish. It reminds me who I fight for."   
  
Jack nodded, absently rubbing her neck with a slender hand.  “Have you... have you seen Miranda?”

The question surprised Shepard but she tried not to let it show.  “Not in… wow, almost nine months?  I talked to her about seven months back, when I was on Palaven  She said she was going off the grid.”

Jack nodded.  “I figured it was something like that. Cerberus, I take it?”

“Yeah,” Shepard breathed.  Jack had lowered her face so all Shepard could see was the top of her head, her brown hair.  “Jack, were you two...?”

Jack looked up, biting the inside of her cheek.  “Yeah, Shepard.  We hooked up a few times.  I’m sure it’s not what you thought you’d be hearing tonight, but.  Yeah.  Last time I saw her was when you were in the hospital.  We had a place in the Presidium.  Eventually, I got offered this job and she told me to take it.  Told me she’d be on the Citadel anytime I came back.  But she hasn’t been there.  Not for five months that I know of.  Probably longer.  Her ident has changed or something because I can’t get her on her omni-tool.”

“I’m so sorry, Jack,” Shepard murmured, reaching out to take one of the girl’s hands in hers.  Jack looked like she wanted to tear her hand away, to run, but she didn’t.

They sat in silence for a while, Shepard holding Jack’s hand before Jack snorted. "Shepard, you talk too much." She got to her feet, pointing her thumb toward the lounge. "That massive marine of yours was saying something about poker and tequila. Wanna?"   
  
Shepard laughed, getting to her feet. "Lead the way, Teach."


	4. Grow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
> 
>  **Chapter Warning:** Mordin's death.
> 
> This chapter's title song is ["Untitled (Grasses Grow)," by A Fine Frenzy.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aId7j0Z21c4) Please enjoy!

Shepard popped another anti-rad tablet, trying to shake the feeling of her skin crawling off of her bones. Her suit was supposedly resistant to most toxic environments, but Shepard wasn't taking that kind of risk. The last thing she needed was radiation poisoning. "You sure these work, Mordin?"   
  
Mordin looked slightly insulted from where he was checking Eve's vitals. "Of course sure. Made especially for Tuchanka mission. Potassium Iodide maxes out thyroid. Unable to intake contaminated iodine. Still, exercise precaution. Skin contaminate not blocked."   
  
"Shepard, you ready?" Wrex grunted roughly from where he stood near the door.   
  
Shepard glanced over her shoulder, still reeling from the medical explanation. "Yeah. Good to go."   
  
"Good," he continued gruffly. "Time to set things right."   
  
The med bay door swooshed open and Liara popped her head in. "Shepard," she called in, her soft voice tinged with something like annoyance. "The Dalatrass put an emergency vid call in. She says she needs to speak with you immediately. Are we ready to go once you take your call?"   
  
Shepard nodded, checking the desire to roll her eyes. "Yeah. Everyone finish getting suited up and I'll meet you all at the drop ship." She breezed past Wrex and Liara and made her way to the elevator. Garrus was standing there, already in his armor. He held his helmet under one arm, his sniper and assault rifle slung over his back.   
  
"Ready?" he asked, sensing her anxiousness.   
  
"Everyone keeps asking me that," Shepard chuckled, running a hand through her hair. "Yeah, I'm just… this is big, you know? Ending the genophage."   
  
"No kidding. Do you think they're ready to have full control of their reproduction again?"   
  
Shepard glanced back toward the medical bay and kept silent. The elevator finally showed up and the two entered. Shepard punched the CIC deck, allowing the doors to close before shaking her head. "Honestly? I don’t know. The krogan are hardly extinct, even though their numbers are far less than the rest of the galactic races."  Shepard sighed, rubbing her face. "I honestly… God, if the wrong krogan takes over after Wrex? We're going to be in some serious trouble. You can't tell me the vast majority of them aren't looking for retribution."   
  
"So why are we doing this?"   
  
Shepard met Garrus' eyes, thankful to see he wasn't being judgmental. He was sincerely curious. "For Palaven," Shepard admitted. "And Earth. Humans can't do this without the turians, and-"   
  
"The turians can't do this without the krogan," Garrus nodded, his mandibles clicking against his face plates. "Ruthless calculus."   
  
Shepard's eyelashes fluttered against her cheeks as she sighed. "And here I thought I could scrape by with my integrity intact."   
  
The elevator doors slid open and Shepard got out. "I have a call from the dalatrass. I'll see you down in the drop ship?"   
  
Garrus nodded, pressing the shuttle bay button. "Be fast. I don't want Wrex punching a hole in the deck if he thinks we're wasting time."   
  
Shepard smiled before moving toward the war room. She connected to the line that was flashing impatiently at the central vid comm station. "Dalatrass, to what do I owe-"   
  
"Shepard, I hear you are attempting to go through with your foolish plan of ending the genophage?" Without waiting for a response, she continued, "I take it Mordin has thought of using the Shroud, too."   
  
"Are you spying on us?" Shepard asked, brows knitting together.   
  
"Using common sense is hardly spying, Shepard," she chided. "You can't think this is a good idea, Commander. I know you have a misguided moral sense of obligation to your friend, the Urdnot. But do not let this happen. The krogan will begin spawning, unchecked. That planet of theirs is a cesspool and cannot even support the numbers they have now, let alone millions of babies. And there will be millions of babies, Shepard. The galaxy will be overrun and we will be forced into another war when they decide to take over more planets!"   
  
Shepard felt her tongue freeze inside of her mouth. She couldn't deny that she had worried about everything the Dalatrass was saying. Shepard shared those same fears. "We need their help," Shepard insisted, the words seeming lame and hollow even to her own ears. “It isn’t our place to play God.  They should have their own freedom, Dalatrass  To have the option to do good with what they are given.”   
  
"You are blind," the Dalatrass murmured, her tone dropping to a conspiratorial low. "Years ago, the STG sabotaged the Shroud facility to stop this exact thing from happening. I have every faith in Mordin and his ability to spot this defect and repair it. If he doesn't, though…."   
  
"Then the cure is rendered useless," Shepard finished.   
  
"Precisely," the Dalatrass breathed. "No one will ever know the difference. Let Urdnot Wrex believe you have fulfilled your promise and you will have your men."   
  
Shepard ran it through her head before murmuring, "No. Mordin would never agree to this."   
  
"You can find a way to deal with him, Shepard," she continued. "Mordin believes in you. Trusts you. If you do this, we can supply our very best scientists to help with the Crucible, as well as our fleets. This would be a win-win for you. The choice is yours."   
  
The Dalatrass' face fizzled out and Shepard was left in the cold comm room, her heart feeling like it was caught in a vice. Shepard turned, only to find EDI standing before her.   
  
"Commander?" EDI began, her silver eyes seeming curious. "What do you plan to do?"   
  
Shepard swallowed. So much for a secret deal. "I… I don't really know yet."   
  
EDI was silent for a moment before murmuring, "If my calculations are to be trusted, what the Dalatrass says is true. Another war is very probable if the krogan remain as combative and single-minded as they have been in the past."   
  
"But what about Eve?" Shepard murmured. "She's not like them. She might be able to change them."   
  
EDI regarded her. "Change a hatred that has lasted hundreds of years? The choice is yours, Shepard. Either way, we will have krogan aide."   
  
"I know," she whispered, more to herself than to EDI.   
  


* * *

 

"Mordin! Is the cure ready?" Shepard called, tearing her helmet off and mopping at the sweat on her brow.  The Shroud base was nearly in pieces, the colossal building quaking from the aftermath of the Reaper Destroyer and thresher maw fight.   
  
Mordin barely glanced up from where he was inputting data. "Yes. Dispersal in two minutes. Eve and Wrex in vehicle. Eve stressed, trauma high. Headed to safety now."   
  
"Good," Shepard breathed, glancing around as the building shuddered. A large panel of the ceiling broke off, flying past and crashing into a nearby console. "Damnit!" Shepard cursed, covering her face. "Mordin, we have to get out of here."   
  
"Negative," Mordin replied, still typing. "Control room at top of tower. Must go up. Cannot risk cure viability." He pulled away from the console, moving toward the elevator.   
  
Shepard's heart hammered in her chest. "Mordin, it's too dangerous," she shouted over the roar of groaning metal. "This place is going to come down on top of us! We need to get out!"   
  
"No," Mordin replied, projecting his voice over the increase of falling debris. "Temperature could void cure potency. Must go up. Only way."   
  
Shepard looked down at her hands. "Mordin… please don’t do this."   
  
The words were firm but tinged with regret. Mordin seemed to catch that and paused. "Your men, your women, will die.  They do so willingly.  I do so willingly."  He hurried to the elevator, typing something in before meeting Shepard’s gaze.  “Did the right thing, Shepard.  If sabotage not revealed, I would still die. But in vain.  Had to be me," Mordin added with a faint smile. "Someone else might have gotten it wrong."

He seemed to glow, ethereal, as the elevator slowly lurched into motion.  "Go, Shepard."   
  
Shepard turned away as the elevator doors closed. She felt the tears falling down her cheeks, making wet tracks. She pulled her helmet on, only to be bombarded with Garrus' voice. "-copy? Shepard? Get the hell out of there, it's coming down!"   
  
"I'm on my way," Shepard forced out, her voice thick. "Get the cars ready."   
  


* * *

 

Shepard had been holed up in her room for the better part of two days. Garrus knew better than to intrude on her when she needed her space, even though there was nothing he would rather do.   
  
"Sometimes even the Commander needs a break," Joker said on the second night of Shepard's disappearing act. "Mordin sacrificed himself for the krogan. He and Shepard… well they weren't exactly close, but he was part of the team. He was one of us."   
  
Garrus nodded, watching the stars. "This entire war has been tough on all of us. Especially her. I just wish she would talk to me."   
  
Joker looked like he wanted to say more, but seemed to be struggling with it. "When Ash died… I never told her how I felt. Not really. I always found an excuse not to say something. She was either too busy, being distant, or…." He broke off for a moment. "I guess… I guess all I am trying to say is that… we could die, you know? At any time. Don't wait for her to say something. If you need to talk to her, then talk to her. Don't wait on her to make the first move because she might not."   
  
Garrus glanced over at the flight lieutenant. It was obvious the human was uncomfortable with the conversation. Even so, Garrus felt a bit better at his advice. "You know," he began slowly, "Ash talked about you a lot down in the belly of the SR-1."   
  
Joker smiled, the expression sad. "Yeah. I know."   
  
Garrus stood. "Thanks… for the talk."   
  
"Yep," Joker said simply. As Garrus walked away, he thought he caught the hint of a tremor in the pilot's voice as he added, "Just go up there and talk her down from her ledge. We'll be at the Citadel by 0900 tomorrow. I'm sure Udina will want her at her best when briefing time comes."   
  
Garrus made his way to the elevator, taking it up to the captain's cabin. He knocked twice on the door, waiting to hear something from Shepard. After a few moments of hearing nothing, he knocked again. "Shepard?"   
  
Nothing.   
  
Garrus pressed his hand to the control panel on the door. Shepard had coded it to allow him access at any time, even if the door was locked. The door processed his three fingers for a few moments before sliding open with a whirring noise.   
  
Shepard was sitting at her terminal, a pair of bright pink ear plugs in her ears. Her fingers were flying across the keys - replying to an extranet message, from the looks of it. Garrus stood quietly, not wanting to startle her out of her flow.   
  
It only took a few minutes for her to finish the message and send it. When she did, she let out a shuddering breath, pulling the ear plugs out.   
  
"Shepard," Garrus began gently.   
  
"Shit!" she cursed, spinning around in her chair. "Christ, Garrus, you knocked fifteen years off of my life," she murmured, clutching her chest. "Try knocking next time."   
  
"I did," he chuckled. "Twice."   
  
Shepard smiled weakly. "Sorry. I've just been so wired after…." she glanced back at her terminal. "After Tuchanka."   
  
"Do you want to talk?" he offered.   
  
When Shepard looked up, she looked shell-shocked. "I know it’s stupid.  I know I’m being irrational, but… I keep thinking about that night he rushed into the cabin and stabbed me with that needle. Remember?”

“The antihistamine,” Garrus thrummed, shaking his head.  “I do remember that.”

“And then he got us our implants so we didn’t have to do any more shots or tablets,” she added, chuckling wetly.  “Mordin single-handedly saved our toxic sex life, Garrus," she whispered. "And I let him die."   
  
Garrus looked at her peculiarly. "What do you mean?"   
  
"I let him go up that elevator," she groaned. "I could have done something.  I could have grabbed him, pulled him out.  I could have shot his leg, dragged him away.  I could have done something."   
  
Garrus went to her, pulling her up and into his arms. "Shepard, this isn’t on you."   
  
"How is it not?" she whispered. "I started all of this.  I...."   
  
Garrus pulled back, tilting her chin up so she was looking at him.  “Listen to me, Shepard.  You’re raw right now, and that’s fine. Healthy, even.  But what isn’t healthy or fine is you blaming yourself.  Mordin made his choice and… I hesitate to say it’s the right one, but it’s the one he believed in.  You can’t take this on yourself.  Mordin was going up there no matter what and he would have loathed you if you dragged him away. You honored his wishes and you’re honoring him now.  You have nothing,  _ nothing, _ to blame yourself for, Shepard."   
  
Shepard nodded faintly, swallowing. "Thank you. It doesn't make this feel any better, but... I know you’re right."   
  
Garrus pulled Shepard toward her bed, laying her down. "Rest," he said softly. "You'll feel better in the morning."   
  
Shepard's eyes closed and she drifted into an uneasy sleep, haunted by shadowy figures and the whispers of her dead crewmen.   



	5. Rocky Spine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
> 
> Chapter warning: Rough, aggressive turian sex. 
> 
> This chapter's title song is ["Your Rocky Spine," by Great Lake Swimmers.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jh2dCx54Ajk) Please enjoy!

Shepard reached out, taking one of Thane's hands in hers. The skin was dry and smooth but extremely warm to the touch. "How much longer do you have?" She asked gently.   
  
Thane's lips tilted into a faint smile. "I have as much time as the Goddesses allow," he said simply before chuckling. "But that is not the answer you require, so I will tell you this… my doctors gave me a few weeks to live. That was eleven months ago."   
  
Shepard tried to smile but found the expression unconvincing, even to herself. "You could come back with us. I have a nice dry Life Support room for you. Or anywhere you're comfortable."   
  
"Siha," Thane murmured, shaking his head. "I am of no use to you. I would rather spend my last days, however frequent they may be, here with my son and Kasumi."   
  
Shepard nodded, squeezing his hand. "I wish nothing but the best for you, Thane. You have been a good companion and an even better friend."   
  
Thane stood, bringing Shepard along with him. He pulled her into his embrace, which was still strong. "And I, you. Joining your crew was the most meaning my life has ever had."   
  
Shepard pulled away, not even bothering to wipe away the tears on her cheeks. "Thank you."   
  
"Thank  _ you, _ Shepard. Give my regards to Garrus and go with grace."   
  
Shepard nodded before moving further into the hospital, lost amid the hustle and bustle. She did her best to keep herself together while her heart clenched inside of her chest. First Mordin, now Thane. She tried to shake the feeling of mortality from her limbs as she passed into the patient wing.   
  
She made her way into the first room on her right, smiling to see Kaidan up and on his feet. "Hey you," she said, trying to infuse her voice with cheer. She leaned against the door jam, much to the automatic door's displeasure. "Ready to be busted out?"   
  
Kaidan turned, no sign of the bruising he had on his trip to the hospital. "Shepard! Hey, they're letting me go today. About time, right?" he chuckled. "How have things been on the Normandy?"   
  
Shepard rolled her eyes. "Alenko, you dog, quit trying to talk about the Normandy. I heard you made a decision about being a Spectre?" She grinned, actually feeling it this time. "Congratulations. I am so proud of you."   
  
Kaidan was actually flushed at the praise. "Well, it seemed like a no-brainer after a while. I mean, hell, if it means helping the galaxy, of course I should do it." He was looking down at his hands, almost as if trying to think of something to say. "Um… would you have lunch with me?"   
  
Shepard nodded. "Sure, I've got nothing but time. When and where?"   
  
"There's this little café in the Presidium. They supposedly still have steak."   
  
Shepard nodded. "Apollo's. Sure, I'll meet you there around noon?"   
  
Kaidan nodded, seeming surprised. "Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that."

 

* * *

  
  
Shepard had been receiving pings all day from friends and co-workers requesting her presence at one spot or another. She had just finished meeting up with Liara about a possible ally in Barla Von when another ping came in.   
_   
_ _ Vakarian, G: Shepard, life or death question - silver or yellow? _ _   
_   
Shepard raised an eyebrow at the message and had to chuckle to herself. _ Depends, _ she replied, _ what are you thinking about shooting? If it's between silver bunnies and yellow wasps, go for the wasps. _ _   
_   
_ Vakarian, G: I am sure I would be amused if I knew what either of those things was.  I’m not shooting, just curious which color you like best. _ _   
_   
Shepard felt more than a little confused as she pondered the question while making her way through the Presidium and toward Apollo's.  _ Silver or yellow?  _ Shepard made a face, still trying to puzzle it out. When she sat down at a secluded table on the Apollo's balcony, she finally typed a response.   
  
_ Shepard, J: Between those two, I’d go with silver. But really, my favorite color is probably black.  And this certain shade of blue…. _ _   
_   
The response was swift.   
  
_ Vakarian, G: Smooth talker. _ __   
  
Shepard smirked and closed out of her omni-tool right as Kaidan came to join her. 

"Hey," he greeted with a grin, lowering himself across from her. "Had a chance to look at the menu?"

Shepard shook her head. "Not yet, but I did notice quite a few disgusting sounding microbrews on their sandwich board. Pick your poison – I'm buying."   
  
Kaidan chuckled, flicking through the data pad menu. "Alright then. I might as well pick the most expensive ones."   
  
After their lunch, the pair sat and talked for a few hours, reminiscing and catching up on the past two and a half years. Drinks were brought and empty glasses carried away from their table over and over until, finally, the pair stood.   
  
"It's been nice. Doing this," Kaidan grinned, suddenly looking a little abashed. "I hope Garrus won't mind I kept you so long."   
  
Shepard glanced down at the gleaming Presidium floor, swallowing. "Kaidan-"   
  
"I'm not trying to be a dick, I swear," he interrupted with an embarrassed chuckle. "Seriously. I'm glad for you two. Confused by it, but glad." He nodded, more to himself than her. "We all need someone to look after and to look after us. Especially now."   
  
Shepard reached out, patting his shoulder. "Come have drinks with the crew. We'll all be over at Purgatory tonight."   
  
Kaidan smiled. "Sure. I'd like that." He pulled her into him for a quick hug. "See you later, Commander."   
  
"See you later," she returned, watching as he walked away.   
  
"About time," a detached voice breathed behind Shepard. She turned quickly, only to find Miranda sitting at a nearby table. She wore a simple tank top and tight leggings, large sunglasses obstructing most of her face. "I thought he'd never stop trying to get into your pants."   
  
"Miss Lawson," Shepard greeted with a smile. "Drink?"   
  
"You've had enough of those," he woman chuckled hesitantly, glancing around. "I have an apartment not far. Would you mind if we spoke in private?"   
  
Shepard acquiesced, following the dark haired ex-Cerberus to her apartment. The studio was warm and bright, but mostly barren. Miranda sat on the bed, tossing her sunglasses into a bag in the corner. "Shepard, I need help."   
  
"What's happened?" Shepard asked, coming to sit beside her. "Are you alright?"   
  
"It's not me," she groaned. "If it was me, I would just suck it up, be strong like I always have. It's Oriana."   
  
"What happened?" Shepard repeated.   
  
"I don't know details," Miranda said quickly, getting to her feet and beginning to pace. "She disappeared without a trace. Her family is beside themselves trying to find her."   
  
"I thought we got her to safety?”.   
  
"I thought so, too," Miranda sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I need resources, Shepard. I need to find out what has been happening while I've been flying under the radar. I can't-" she broke off, her voice faltering. "I can't let anything happen to her, Shepard. I will do anything to keep her safe."   
  
"I know, and you have my access," Shepard murmured. "I'll run by the Spectre office and get you an access code. Just…" she broke off for a moment. "Be careful."   
  
"I will," Miranda agreed quickly. "Thank you, Shepard."   
  
Shepard nodded, sitting there for a while, holding Miranda’s hands in hers.  Hesitantly she said, “Miranda… Jack’s been asking about you.”

Miranda closed her eyes. “She told you?”

“I kind of wrestled it out of her,” Shepard exaggerated.  “She’s worried about you.  She misses you.  She’s here on the Citadel right now. I was meeting her and the crew for drinks tonight… if you wanted to come.”

Miranda shook her head and bit her lower lip.  “I’m not sure.”

Shepard swallowed.  “Should I tell her you’re here?”

Miranda hesitated.  “I… I don’t know, Shepard.  No. Not right now.”

Shepard nodded and patted Miranda’s hands before getting to her feet. "Call me or ping me if you need anything, okay? Don't wait until you're caught between crosshairs."

Miranda nodded, looking like a lost child. "I will."   
  
Shepard knew she wouldn't. It would be a cold day in Hell when that woman looked for assistance with Shepard before trying every other option. Shepard shook her head as she left, feeling the pressure weighing around her neck like an albatross.   
  


* * *

 

It was 1900 hours before Garrus finally caught up to Shepard outside of Purgatory. "Fancy running into you here," he murmured, brushing his lip plates against her forehead. "What's wrong?"   
  
Shepard shrugged, looking weary. "Just tired. I'm not really in the mood for dancing and boozing, believe it or not."   
  
Garrus chuckled, pulling her into his grasp. Shepard curled herself into his arms, pressing her face to the curve of his cowl. "What do you say we ditch this place and go back to the Normandy? I still remember a few of those human recipes Solana and I dug up for you."   
  
Shepard hummed in appreciation. "Those cookies you guys made were divine."   
  
"Mmhmm," Garrus continued, rubbing a hand over her back. "And then we can have wine and make love," he continued, leaning down to nip the crest of her ear gently. "I have a surprise for you, too."   
  
"Get a room!"   
  
Shepard turned to be met with a smirking Jack. Kaidan and Liara were in tow, both of them looking slightly embarrassed. "Jack, you always show up right when least expected."   
  
Jack shrugged, pointing a thumb to her followers. "I picked up a few of your buddies on the docks.  We’re still doing drinks and dancing, right?"   
  
Shepard met Garrus' eyes and offered him a pitiful look. "Yep, the first round is mine," Shepard sighed, waving her arm toward the door. "Let's go get our drink on."   
  
Garrus spent most of the night watching Shepard be tugged out onto the dance floor by Jack or Traynor, only to come back and be coaxed into a drinking contest with Kaidan, or a poker tournament with Vega. He could tell she was having fun, but something about her still seemed off. She smiled, but there was a glimmer of something in her eyes, something that didn't use to be there.   
  
Garrus knew the look of guilt when he saw it. He had seen it in the mirror for two years after Shepard died, as well as after his squad had been murdered. Shepard was beating herself up from the inside out, all because of Tuchanka.   
  
He had been surprised when Shepard told him how she had been feeling.  He had never seen her so distraught, so downtrodden.  She had always been his rock - it was rare when he needed to be hers   
  
As the night turned into morning, Garrus finally stood and murmured, "I think the Commander is looking a little green."   
  
"No kidding," Jack exclaimed, downing another shot of something James called Jaeger. The two had split three bottles and, so far, they showed no signs of stopping. "Get that lightweight to bed!"   
  
Shepard smiled and waved a goodnight to the table, allowing Garrus to lead her out of the thinning crowd. Shepard stumbled a few times but was otherwise completely lucid on the trip back to the Normandy.   
  
"How do you feel?" Garrus asked as they walked through the CIC.   
  
Shepard shrugged. "Hungover. Tired. Depressed," she admitted, her voice shaking.   
  
"Drinking wasn't the best idea," Garrus chided gently.   
  
"No shit," Shepard chuckled as they passed into the elevator. "But the crew needed to see that. See us all together, happy."   
  
Garrus didn't say anything until he had Shepard in her room and was helping her undress. She lurched into the bathroom and stood under the shower, letting the water fall down her body. Garrus sat on the toilet, watching her.   
  
Shepard stood under the spray for a few minutes before sitting down on the tile, the water pounding down on her back. She wrapped her arms around her knees, watching Garrus with her bright eyes. "I hate this, Garrus."   
  
"I know.  We all do.”   
  
"I just…." she began haltingly. "I feel like I can't do anything right anymore. Everything leading up to this point… it was me kicking ass and taking names. And now? Now I’m a mess. I am fucking everything up, none of it makes any sense to me.  All of the deaths, all of this." She closed her eyes. "What’s happened to me?"   
  
Garrus went to her, not caring if his clothes got wet. He crouched down to wrap her into an embrace, murmuring gently against her wet hair, "Shepard, this war is a beast. We're all going to make choices we don't want to make, we’re all going to make mistakes and occasionally fuck up. You made the best you could out of a bad situation."   
  
"I don't need you to coddle me, Garrus," she whispered.   
  
"I am not coddling you," Garrus replied. "I am telling you that this is just the beginning. Shepard. You’re feeling raw and you have every right to be.  You’ll be back on your feet, kicking ass and taking names.  I promise."   
  
Shepard pushed him away, suddenly shaking with rage. She got to her feet, her fists clenched. "You don’t even know what you’re talking about.  You’re not in my head, you’re not having to make these fucking decisions for everyone, for humanity,  _ for the galaxy.  Fuck, _ Garrus!  What the hell do you know about it?" she demanded.   
  
Garrus stood, as well, stepping closer to her. "That's right," he challenged, voice dropping lower. Her voice was flanging and he could feel his fringe tingling with the heat of anger. "I don't have to. But you do. And you can't go falling to pieces every second of the damned day because you don't like it."   
  
Shepard reached out to shove him away from her, but Garrus grabbed her wrists, forcing them against the wall. His body pinned her to the tile, his nose ridge just inches from hers.   
  
"Don't tempt me, Shepard," he breathed huskily. The anger inside him had shifted.  The rage was giving way to primal desire, the hot trickle of anger becoming an urge to pin her against the wall and  _ make  _ her understand.   
  
Shepard's eyes were swimming with it, too. With a sudden ferocity, she broke free of his grip. Her mouth pressed against his, her right leg worming its way over his hip, hands tearing at his wet tunic. The soaked fabric fell apart like tissue and Shepard threw it to the side, mouth hungrily tracing down his chest.   
  
Garrus nipped her neck, relishing the sharp moan she let out. Her fingers went to the soft spot just below his fringe, massaging roughly. He grabbed her tightly, hefting her up to straddle his waist.  He moved her to the countertop, not even bothering to turn the shower off.

She was gasping as he thrust inside of her.  He normally would have toned down the territorial bites, the aggressive thrusts, but he did not this time.  He shoved into her, harder and faster with each pass, and Shepard had her head leaned back on the mirror, hitting the glass with soft  _ thumps,  _ her chest shuddering with her cries and panting.

Garrus pulled her off of the counter abruptly, pushing her back against the tile in the shower, not even noticing that she nearly slipped, nearly bashed her face into the wall.  He pressed her up against the wall, her cheek pinned against it, her hands gripped in one of his behind her back.

She was groaning, looking back at him, her lips curling into something like a snarl.  “Do your worst,” she challenged him.

He grabbed her hip with his free hand and pulled her back onto his erection, relishing in her hitched breath and her cries of pain and pleasure.  He slammed into her, the sound of her flesh smacking into his carapace echoing through the room.

He came with a rush, leaning down to bite her shoulder blade, making her cry out.  He held the flesh in his mouth, tasting her blood, and slowly he came back down to the ground.

“Fuck, Garrus,” Shepard whispered, sagging against the wall.

“Feeling better?” he asked as he released the skin from his mouth, tongue gently caressing over the bleeding wound.

“Much,” she whispered.

“Come on,” Garrus murmured, pulling back and helping her to stand on her shaking legs.  “Let’s bandage that and get you in bed.  I still need to get you off.”

“Garrus-”

“I want to,” he amended silkily, nipping her ear.  “I need to taste you on my tongue, feel you climax.”

Shepard shuddered and didn’t put up a fight.

* * *

  
It was eight in the morning and Shepard had been fitfully asleep for two hours, snoring softly. She hadn’t bothered moping after their time in the bathroom.  To be completely fair, though, she had been too busy orgasming over and over until she physically couldn’t stand to be touched between her legs.  Garrus had felt bad about being forceful with her, but he had guessed - quite accurately - that it was the only way to get through to her.   
  
Garrus silently slipped out of bed, going to where he had abandoned his wet pants in the bathroom. He rifled through the pockets for a moment, finally producing the item he had been looking for. He took it back to the bed with him, opening the small box.   
  
A slender band sat amid the satin inside. The band was startling black with a single light blue sapphire nestled in the middle. Doing his best to remember the human custom, he took her left hand and slid the ring onto the finger just left of the middle.   
  
Shepard stirred, blinking blearily at him. "What's going on?" she asked sleepily.   
  
Garrus held her hand up in front of her, murmuring, "What do you think? Good colors?"   
  
Shepard was silent for a long while before turning startled eyes onto him. She wasn't smiling, which made his heart lurch. "Garrus… is this…?"   
  
He chuckled, hoping she didn't notice the way his vocals shook.  "It is… if you want it, too."   
  
Shepard stared at him silently before a wide grin spread over her face. "Well, Garrus Vakarian. I never took you for the marrying type."   
  
"Me either," he admitted with a laugh, her smile killing all of the worries he had felt in an instant. Voice flanging, he continued, "Especially since I didn't even know about the custom for more than half of my life."   
  
Shepard chuckled. "Well… once these damned Reapers are gone, I say we have the biggest wedding Palaven has ever seen."   
  
"The only wedding," he correctly patiently.   
  
"Tomato, tom _ ato."  _ Shepard leaned back into his arms, her hand stretched out in front of her. She looked at the ring from all sides before nodding appreciatively. "Good colors," she said, her voice choked. "You did good, Vakarian."   
  
"I know," he whispered, kissing her neck gently. "Somehow I got really lucky."   



	6. Falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
> 
>  **Chapter warnings:** Thane's death. Also, things will start to stray from the original ME3 plot beginning now! 
> 
> The chapter's title song is ["Falling Night," by Nuit Ocean.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e26SBE9CeUY)

Shepard hit the ground just as her shield gave out, cursing heavily. "James! Get that goddamn turret down!"   
  
"Yep," Vega called back, already letting off a burst of shots from his shotgun. The turret snapped in half at the base, sending a hail of bullets lodging into the nearby buildings. "I think that was the last of 'em, Shepard."   
  
"Shepard!"   
  
The commander whirled to where Liara was shielding her eyes from the bright Horizon sun. "What? What happened?"   
  
"Atlas incoming!" Liara replied, ducking behind the nearest crate. Liara's body was suddenly encased in blue biotic power, her hands clenched in anticipation.   
  
Shepard cursed, repositioning herself so that she could see through her scope. There was still a barrage of smoke from the flash grenades Vega had tossed, but it was slowly clearing. Shepard could just barely make out the lumbering shape of the Atlas from where she was.   
  
"This is a lot of shit to get through for whatever's in that damn pod!" James yelled, voice echoing through the courtyard. "It'd better be useful, none of that prothean precursor crap!"   
  
"No kidding," Shepard murmured to herself, lining up a shot.   
  


* * *

 

The first thing Joker said when the ground team returned, leading a confused and understandably angry prothean, was, "Hey, that looks a lot like a Collector." When Shepard brought her hand to her mouth, attempting to shush him, the next thing he said was, "Holy shit, why are you wearing a wedding ring?"   
  
Liara was the first one to grab Shepard's hand, inspecting the ring for herself. She raised startled blue eyes to Shepard, sounding completely confused as she asked, "Did you...?"   
  
Vega was the first to clap Shepard on the back, guffawing his congratulations. "When did it happen?" he pressed. "You and the big guy? I never thought he'd have the balls to ask you!"   
  
The prothean turned his golden gaze to Shepard, watching her balefully. Shepard cleared her throat, extracting her hand from Liara's grip and murmuring, "Could you two finish escorting our guest to the engineering deck? See if there is somewhere he would like to stay."   
  
Vega opened his mouth to either argue or ask more questions. Liara, always the one for diplomacy, grabbed James' arm and shoved him gently toward the elevator. The prothean made a noise of disquiet before following them.   
  
Joker was still watching Shepard, looking both stunned and amused. "So, when did you get hitched?"   
  
"We didn't," Shepard hissed, smacking the back of Joker's head lightly. His cap went flying, making him moan in distress.   
  
"Damnit, Shepard, you have to pick that up. I don't think the brass would like it if I broke my leg on account of you abusing me."   
  
Shepard couldn't help but grin as she stooped to grab the hat. She placed it back on Joker's head before sinking into the abandoned copilot seat. "He asked me a few nights ago. Once this is all over... assuming we survive…."   
  
"Hey," Joker interrupted. "Of course we're gonna survive. Last I checked, Jane Shepard the Unbeatable was our commanding officer. She's, like, the toughest chick I know. She did all of these awesome things, like become the first human Spectre ever, take down Saren, come back to life after being dead, destroy the Collectors, get out of jail free after turning against the Alliance."   
  
Shepard winced. "That last one sounded like shit. Maybe we should omit that part when trying to cheer me up?"   
  
Joker chuckled, punching a flashing light that had appeared on his terminal. "Okay, well, you have to admit it was still kind of badass. You're pretty much the golden child of the Milky Way Galaxy."   
  
Shepard raised an eyebrow. "Are you writing my biography or something? This all sounds a little rehearsed."   
  
Joker bit his lower lip to hold back a laugh. "Nah, I am just repeating the shit Liara says when she's been drinking. Who knew an asari would hold on to a crush for this long."   
  
Shepard decided to ignore that comment and change the subject altogether. "How are you, Joker? Really. Are you holding up?"   
  
Joker was silent for a moment before he nodded. "I'm okay. A little... nostalgic, I guess. Sitting here and talking like this.  Reminds me of the good old days."   
  
"You and Ash?" Shepard murmured, her voice lowering.   
  
Joker glanced over at her, but Shepard was staring straight ahead, focusing on the stars that blazed by. "You knew? Did Ash... tell you?"   
  
“No. Ash was deeply personal, even with me. She liked to keep things to herself. I just happened to see the two of you a few mornings when I couldn't sleep."   
  
Joker nodded, feeling his throat constricting. He focused on his terminal, typing in commands and running diagnostics that didn't need to be run. He was attempting to find something to do to keep his hands busy.   
  
But then Shepard leaned over, putting a hand on Joker's arm. When Joker finally looked over, Shepard's eyes were full of regret. "I am so sorry, Jeff," she whispered. "I am so sorry for taking her away from you."   
  
Her words caused all of the walls Joker had built up over the years to crumble. His shoulders shook and tears fell down his cheeks as he watched Shepard. "Don't…." he swallowed past the lump in his throat. "Don't fucking do this, Shepard. We both... we know you did what you thought was best."   
  
Shepard ran her free hand over her face. "I don't know that, Joker. I don't know what I did, the choice I made, wasn't just because I had feelings for Kaidan at the time. I don't know if what I chose was because I was still angry with Ashley for being so cold to Garrus. I don't know why I didn't choose Ashley."   
  
She was confirming everything Joker had thought in those first days after Virmire. She had voiced every thought that had passed through his head when Kaidan boarded the shuttle and Ashley didn't. But even hearing her admit those things didn't bring Ashley back.  It didn’t make him feel whole or complete.   
  
"Shepard," Joker began, trying to find the words to make it right. "It's done. You made a decision. Being a commander..." he broke off. "Being a commander means making shit calls sometimes. Either way, we would have lost a soldier that day. It was your decision to make, and you made it. No one blames you. I don't blame you. I just...." Joker let out a choked chuckle. "I just really wish I'd gotten laid first."   
  
Shepard burst into wet laughter, wiping the pinpricks of tears away. She gripped Joker's hand in hers, squeezing gently. "I never asked you for your forgiveness, but I want to now."   
  
"There's nothing to forgive," Joker said, feeling a weight lifting from his heart. "But you have it."   
  
Shepard nodded, looking relieved. 

"Remember our vacation after Saren?” He asked suddenly.  “And how you wondered why the hell I ended up in Tijuana?"

"Oh, God. Please tell me it wasn't hookers. Garrus swore it was hookers."   
  
Joker didn’t laugh and Shepard sobered at the wry look on his face. "I met Lynn, Shepard. Ashley's sister. We met up in Florida and went to Mexico together."   
  
Shepard's eyes widened. "No way! Shit, Joker, how?"   
  
Joker shrugged, smiling softly. "I guess the galaxy has a way of tying up some loose ends."  He didn’t mention how Lynn ended up - naked in a bathtub, caressed by her own blood and alone.  He couldn’t talk about it, though.  He’d probably never be able to talk about it.

 

* * *

 

The prothean was not amused by her. She could feel him watching her as she stood in front of him, arms crossed over her chest. Even so, he did not grace her with words. He only sat and stewed.   
  
"Are you going to be a problem?" Shepard repeated, losing her patience.   
  
Finally, the prothean raised his gaze to her, tawny eyes regarding her in a way that could only be described as malevolent. He stood very suddenly, hooking a hand around Shepard's throat. The men at her side reacted instantly, guns leveled at his head.   
  
"Hands off!" one shouted, sounding every bit like the drill sergeant Shepard had in basic training. “Get your fucking hands up!”   
  
"Ease up," Shepard murmured to the men, eyes never leaving the prothean's.  His grip on her neck wasn’t hard and he wasn’t hurting you.  She was pretty sure he had no intention of doing so.  Despite her instinct, she calmly murmured, "He's not going to hurt me. Are you?"   
  
The prothean let out a snarl, releasing her throat. "You have many people who believe in you. Believe in the banner you carry. But you yourself don't think you will survive this."   
  
Shepard checked her breathing and kept her eyes level. She heard Liara in the background, slowly moving closer. Her men kept their guns trained on the prothean, unwavering.  Shepard could almost taste the adrenaline and testosterone seeping from their pores.   
  
"Will you be a problem?" Shepard attempted again.   
  
"No," he replied snappishly. Then, a bit softer, "No. There is anger in this room. It clogs my senses. I will not harm you or your crew unless you give me a reason to."   
  
Shepard nodded before turning to her men. "At ease," she said. "You're both dismissed."  Her gaze swept over to Liara, her excited eyes never leaving the being in front of her. "Do you have a name we should call you by?" Shepard finally murmured, turning back to face the prothean.   
  
He breathed in deeply, replying, "Among my people, I was a warrior known as Javik."   
  
"Javik," Shepard repeated, nodding. "It is nice to meet you, though I feel the circumstances could be better. My friend, Liara, is a scientist. She has been studying the prothean for years and was wondering if she might ask a few questions?"   
  
Liara stepped forward excitedly, her eyes bright. Javik turned his gaze away from Shepard for the first time, sizing up the asari before him. "Asari," he began, voice amused. "It is strange to see your species can read, let alone study."   
  
Shepard raised an eyebrow. "This sounds painful and unnecessarily taunting. I am going to go upstairs. Liara, do you need one of the soldiers back?"   
  
"No, Shepard, I will be fine," Liara replied easily, a datapad poised and ready. "I can call you if necessary."   
  
Shepard nodded, getting the hell out of the room before the prothean could insult them further.

 

* * *

 

Shepard was finally getting some much-needed rest when her omni-tool went off. She awoke with a start, squinting at the bright orange display. It was an incoming call from an unknown identifier, which made Shepard leery.   
  
"Don't answer it," Garrus groaned from beside her, rolling over to curve his arm around her waist, pulling her closer. "Sleep is good. Calls not good."   
  
Shepard smiled but connected the call to her earpiece anyway. "Shepard." 

Garrus muttered darkly, grabbing one of Shepard's pillows and covering his face with it.   
  
"Shepard, it's me."   
  
Shepard's heart jolted. A million things ran through her head at once, none of them good. "Kasumi? What's wrong?"   
  
"It's Thane," she replied, voice shaking. "He's... he's in the hospital. They don't think... God, Shepard, they don't think he's going to make it this time."   
  
"Tell me what happened," Shepard demanded, tossing Garrus' arm off and throwing herself out of bed. She was dressed in under ten seconds, a new record, and was flying toward the elevator.   
  
Kasumi was trying to remain calm, but her voice kept breaking. "He had another attack. He couldn't get oxygen. His hands are so cold, Shepard. They think he has a blockage. Blood isn't getting through to his hands. They might have to amputate, but amputation…."   
  
"Blood loss," Shepard whispered, her heart thundering in her chest. "What do you need, Kasumi? Blood? I can go to-"   
  
"No, Shepard, he doesn't have that long," Kasumi argued. "Kolyat's here with him and he…" her voice disappeared for a few moments before she sobbed, "He says he is ready to go."   
  
Shepard felt her heart breaking for the girl as her thumb hovered over the Deck 2 button. She slowly withdrew her hand and sat down in the elevator, letting the words wash over her. "Is he… sure?"   
  
Kasumi made a noise of affirmation. "He wanted me to tell you that he has prayed for you. That he will always be looking out for you in whatever way he can."   
  
"Kasumi…."   
  
"I have to go," she whispered. She didn't sound like the happy-go-lucky thief that Shepard had grown to know and adore. Her heart was breaking, again, and she couldn't stop the pain.   
  
"Next time I'm on the Citadel-"   
  
"Okay, yes, next time," Kasumi interrupted. "I have to go. I'll call you when… when I can."   
  
The line went dead and Shepard felt her heart grow cold. Another name for the wall; another name that should not be there. Shepard closed her eyes, head falling on her knees, and simply sat.   
  
The door to the elevator opened after a few minutes and Garrus was there, looking concerned. "Taking a nap?"   
  
Shepard looked up at him and forced a smile. "It was Kasumi. Thane…."   
  
Garrus nodded. "I gathered as much." He reached down, helping Shepard to her feet. "You can't blame yourself for this. We all knew it was coming."   
  
"That doesn't mean this hurts less," Shepard said wryly.   
  
Garrus brushed a kiss over her forehead and began steering her toward the bedroom. "Come on. This war won't fight itself with Commander Shepard passes out from exhaustion."   
  
Shepard attempted to laugh, but her insides felt too heavy; she felt like she was bogged down with seawater. She was so cold… she was always cold recently. It was like she had been swimming in the depths of the ocean for days, deeper than sunlight could pierce.   
  
Shepard shivered and crawled into bed, determined to forget the cold, wet feeling inside of her.   
  



	7. Babel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
> 
> This chapter's title song is ["Babel," by Mumford & Sons.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWza_On7ajs) Please enjoy!

"Shepard, if you insist on driving, for the love of all you deem holy, please keep your eyes on the skyway."   
  
Shepard didn't pay much attention to Garrus' feeble attempts to keep her safe in the air. The rental hovercar zipped in between other motorists without utilizing any sort of turning signal. She had almost smashed into the back of another vehicle that had stopped to let someone out of their parking garage, even. But that was nowhere near as bad as a few miles back, when she had pulled out in front of a frozen food truck that nearly obliterated their vehicle.   
  
"You are the worst driver. Ever."   
  
Shepard ignored him, as was her tendency when she was behind the wheel of something that could cause bodily harm. Her face was scrunched up in concentration, her fingers drumming the wheel in rapid succession.   
  
"How have you never gotten into an accident?" Garrus continued, feeling as though his life was attempting to flash before his eyes. With the way Shepard was driving, life was having a hard time keeping up with them.   
  
"Shepard, I think you just passed our turn," EDI informed from the backseat.   
  
Shepard deftly swung the wheel to the left, cutting off six lanes of traffic. Garrus would have glared at the android if he wasn't too terrified to look away from the road.   
  
"Nicely done," EDI spoke up.   
  
Garrus groaned and Shepard grinned, her foot pressing down on the accelerator. The car yowled and jolted forward, just narrowly missing a zoomer to their left.   
  


* * *

 

Kasumi agreed to meet Shepard at the ramen shop in Zakera. Garrus and EDI had both gone their separate ways, as well, promising to meet back with Shepard that evening at the Embassies. Councilor Valern had asked for them to meet with him with matters too sensitive to talk about over vidcomm.

Just as Shepard slid onto a stool, a young woman with long, dark hair sat beside her. Shepard blinked, confused, as she looked upon Kasumi Goto for what felt like the first time. The lithe woman was dressed in a pair of leggings, boots, and tunic-like top. She was not wearing her usual makeup or, more significantly, her hood.   
  
"Kasumi," Shepard murmured, feeling her heart drop. She hadn't known what to expect, but this had not been it.   
  
The little firecracker smiled brightly, though Shepard could see the pain that tinged it. "Shep. Thanks for coming out. I know it was sudden, but.…"   
  
Shepard took her friend's hand, squeezing it. "Don't apologize, Kasumi. I want to be here."   
  
Kasumi nodded, looking a bit lost. She shook herself, forcing the smile back. "Well, let's eat. I haven't had ramen since… well, since last week, but that was too long ago!" She ordered for both of them before murmuring, "You know… the best thing that has happened to me in a long time was joining up with the Normandy. When I heard there was a suicide mission… I was intrigued. I wanted it to be tough. And after going through that collector base?" she chuckled, which made Shepard laugh, as well. "It was good, Shepard. Really good."   
  
"Not to mention you had Thane," Shepard prodded gently.   
  
Kasumi nodded, her smile turning wistful. "I did, didn't I? I never thought I could feel that way again. With Keiji, I always felt like I was on holiday. We did stupid things. Stunts, hijinks. It was all a party until we came across the information that got him killed.  But with Thane….." she shook her head, the silken black hair falling gently around her shoulders.   
  
"Thane showed me how to be happy in my own skin," she finished finally. "I never felt like I needed to prove myself to him. What we had was real. And I will always love Keiji in my own way," she added quickly, "but Thane… he was different. He made me realize that I don't need to hide anymore. I don't need to pretend."   
  
Shepard rubbed her thumb over Kasumi's knuckles, doing her best to soothe the girl. "I'm so sorry."   
  
Kasumi nodded, but she was smiling when she looked up. It was a genuine smile. "He was such a good man. Good drell. However the hell you say it."   
  
The two laughed and the chef returned with sake. They poured it into small bowls and toasted to Thane's memory.

 

* * *

  
  
Shepard had too much rice wine. She had known that drinking so much with Kasumi was hardly the best decision in the world, especially since she was going to be in a meeting with a councilor. She proceeded to groan as much afterward, on the cab-ride to the Presidium and on the walk toward the Embassies.   
  
"Hell, Shep," Kasumi had giggled, "we're on the Citadel! What the hell is going to happen here?"   
  
Shepard had laughingly agreed as the two walked arm-in-arm through the nearly deserted streets. "I miss you guys," Kasumi muttered with her lower lip jutting out. "Do you think you could sneak me on board? Me not being Alliance and all, I guess it would be a challenge. But hey, you've always been one for bending the rules."   
  
Shepard chuckled. "You kidding me? Half of my ground crew isn't Alliance. I can get you on. It's not like they really care who is helping, so long as you're willing to."   
  
Kasumi nodded, more to herself than to Shepard. "It would be nice to be with others again. I think I've gotten dependent."   
  
Shepard knocked hips with the girl, making her laugh. Shepard tried to think of something to take her mind off of everything, even if for a moment. Her eyes lit up as she lowered her voice conspiratorially. "I bet I know something you haven't found out yet."   
  
Kasumi raised an eyebrow, instantly intrigued. "I am listening."   
  
Shepard glanced around as if someone might be watching the two girls weaving through the streets. She then held up her left hand, the sapphire in her ring catching the light.   
  
"No!" Kasumi gasped, her face lighting up. "Oh my God, Shep! You are such a tramp, running off and getting married without telling anyone!"   
  
Shepard laughed. "We're not married; keep it down, too, this is hush-hush."   
  
Kasumi's facial expression did everything except call Shepard thick. "It's hush-hush, yet you're wearing a ring on your finger? Anyone with eyes can see it."   
  
"You didn't notice," Shepard pointed out.   
  
"Well, I am happily drunk," Kasumi giggled, quickening her pace and sprinting toward the bright lights of the Embassy. Shepard was about to follow suit when she noticed something odd. The lights on the exterior of the Embassy were winking out, one by one.   
  
"Kasumi, look!" Shepard called ahead.   
  
The girl turned her gaze upward before coming back to Shepard's side. "That's not normal, Shepard," Kasumi murmured, all excitement and vivaciousness gone. "Something is happening."   
  
And then the explosion hit, taking an entire upper floor of the Embassy with it.

 

* * *

  
  
Garrus had been playing catch-up with some old C-Sec friends at Purgatory when the dim lights flickered and wavered as if the power had been interrupted. The music stopped, leaving the entire club eerily silent.   
  
Garrus glanced around in an attempt to make eye contact with someone who might know what was happened. Everyone else looked as bemused as he was.   
  
"My omni-tool just shorted out," Jovan, one of his previous partners, grumbled. "I got a message in from Bailey, but communication went out before I could read it."   
  
"Attention patrons," a harried voice called over the loudspeaker. Everyone instantly went quiet, waiting. "There has been an attack on the Citadel Embassies. We are unaware of details. Please remain calm and return home as soon as possible. I repeat-"   
  
Garrus glanced down at his omni-tool, cursing. It was 1930, thirty minutes after Garrus agreed to meet up with Shepard.   
  
Cold dread filled him. At the Embassies.   
  
"Fuck!" he exclaimed, getting to his feet as quickly as he could. "I have to go-"   
  
"We're coming, too," Joven spoke up. The human was already out of his chair and pulling his pistol. "If comms are down, we need to get over there and see what's going on ourselves."   
  
The other C-Sec officer, a young turian named Donnik, nodded. "Let's go. Garrus, did you bring a car?"   
  
At the shake of his head, Jovan added, "Alright, you're with us. Keep up, old man!" The C-Sec officers began to sprint toward the front door. The civilians were already spilling onto the walkways, terror and panic rising in their expressions. Donnik pushed through the crowd, parting a way for them to follow out.   
  
The ride was stressful and chaotic. Even with the siren on their car wailing, civilian zoomers were clogging the airways. Garrus' finger itched to pull out his gun and blast a swathe through the people in their way. He just barely reigned in the urge, instead muttering, "Can't this thing go any faster?"   
  
The vehicle pitched forward at that moment, being struck from behind by another vehicle. Donnik cursed heavily, grappling with the steering column. "What the fu-"   
  
The buildings around them shuddered and moaned as metal supports and struts buckled. Glass shattered, spraying like a flooded dam into the streets below. Vehicles were sent into a flurry, attempting to circumvent the other traffic as fast as possible. The result was more accidents than Garrus could count.   
  
He allowed himself five seconds to panic. He then wiped the terror from his heart and reached forward, shoving Donnik's arm. "Hey, we gotta go. Take this thing lower."   
  
Donnik looked shaken. "This is a no hover zone. I would get in serious tr-"   
  
Jovan struck Donnik soundly on the shoulder, looking perturbed. "We're under attack, you idiot!" Jovan grunted. "The last thing the brass is going to care about is us hovering in a no hover zone."   
  
Donnik was shaking but he nodded, pushing the battered vehicle down toward the catwalks of the Presidium.

 

* * *

 

Shepard groaned, shaking glass and debris from her back. Kasumi was stirring, as well, but looked ill. "Shep, you were right," she groaned. "We drank too much. I could have sworn I just saw the Embassy burst into flames."   
  
Shepard shook her head, her gut twisting. "You didn't imagine it." She pulled up her omni-tool, the orange glow filtering through the dark. There was no connection to the Citadel communication network. "Everything's down," Shepard murmured. "I've got to go – Garrus and EDI were in there waiting for me."   
  
Kasumi tugged a few pieces of concrete from her hair. "I'm coming with. I don't have guns, but I have a dagger. That's worth something, right?"   
  
Shepard glanced down at her civilian clothing, cursing. "I don't have my guns."   
  
Kasumi bit her lower lip. "Well… at least we both have cloaking?" With that, Kasumi fizzled out of view, leaving only a hum of her outline.   
  
Shepard nodded, activating her own cloak. "Let's move."   
  


* * *

 

Garrus, Jovan, and Donnik finally made it to the Embassies. It had taken half an hour longer than usual, but considering the state of disarray that seemed to be filling the Citadel, that wasn't hard to understand.   
  
"What the hell is happening?" Jovan demanded, speaking to no one in particular. The group picked their way through the rubble of what was once the thirteenth story of the Citadel Embassies. It had been the widest and most easily accessible area to land to their tattered vehicle. "Who would do this?"   
  
"I don't know," Garrus replied unnecessarily. He had worked with Jovan long enough to know that this was another of the human's rhetorical questions.   
  
"Reapers?" Donnik panted, attempting to keep up with the older men.   
  
"Too organized," Jovan replied quickly, tossing himself over another toppled column. "They'd need to have a ground team and husks aren’t smart enough to plant bombs."   
  
Garrus stopped suddenly, holding a hand up to halt the others' progress. The two fell in beside him silently, grabbing their guns.   
  
Garrus peered over the rubble and caught sight of the white armor. He cursed silently, ducking back. "Cerberus," he replied, shaking his head. "I don't know what in the hell they're thinking, attacking the Citadel."   
  
Jovan nodded, looking grim. "Donnik and I will fan out. Your first shot will be our cue."   
  
Garrus nodded, feeling his mandibles clicking softly against his face as he attempted to still the nerves inside of him. The other men had already spread out and away, giving Garrus a moment of privacy. He pulled a chain from around his neck, the black band at the end of it gleaming in the faint light. He held the ring tightly for a moment, sending a silent prayer for the spirits to protect Shepard.   
  


* * *

 

Shepard had managed to grab a sniper rifle for herself and two pistols for Kasumi. The sheer amount of C-Sec dead and littering the embassy was high enough to make Shepard queasy.   
  
“Jane! Shepard!  Is that you?” 

Shock and confusion filled her; it wasn't every day someone used her first name. Shepard spun, ducking to the ground and raising the sniper rifle. Her scope picked up the limping form of Commander Bailey, followed by a slew of armed C-Sec.

"Bailey," Shepard breathed, feeling relief sweep over her. She put the gun on her back, moving forward. She could see the faint glimmer of Kasumi's cloak as the girl retreated into the shadows. No one who meant her harm had ever seen her face and lived to tell about it, but Shepard could understand Kasumi's unwillingness to test C-Sec. "What happened here?"   
  
"Goddamn Cerberus," Bailey hissed. Blood was blooming from a wound at his side, but he seemed more pissed off than anything. "They're after the councilors, Shepard. I sent a squad ahead-"   
  
Shepard shook her head. "I think the squad's down, Bailey. There were about twenty C-Sec at the entrance, all dead."   
  
"Damnit," he grumbled, shaking his head. "I have to try to get communications back up. Take a few men with you-"   
  
"Have you seen Garrus?" Shepard interrupted. "He was supposed to meet me here, along with a humanoid bot named EDI."   
  
"EDI, yeah, I saw her," Bailey nodded, pointing his thumb vaguely behind him. "She's fine. She's been helping get some of the destroyed turrets on the roof going. Said something about letting the Normandy crew know what was happening?"   
  
Shepard didn't bother explaining that EDI the bot was actually EDI the Normandy. It required more time and energy than Shepard was really willing to spend. "No sign of Garrus?"   
  
Bailey shook his head. "None. We've only been on the east side of the embassies, Shepard, so it's possible he's in the West."   
  
Shepard nodded. "Right. I'll take the West, then, and scout for survivors. Keep your men here, I move faster alone."   
  
Bailey, to his credit, didn't argue. "Right, Shepard the superhuman. I'll set up a perimeter here and secure the access doors. Just make sure to stay alive, eh? I'll give you a call when the comms are back up."   
  
Shepard gave a curt nod before jogging toward the west stairwell. Kasumi flickered back into view as Shepard rounded the corner, taking the stairs two at a time.   
  
"C-Sec's on first name basis, huh? You have a lot of convenient friends, Shepard," Kasumi said.   
  
Shepard let out a short chuckle, her rifle in hand. "With all of the inconvenient enemies I have, I take what I can get in the friends department."   
  



	8. Winter is Coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything! 
> 
> This chapter's title song is ["Winter is Coming," by Radical Face.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfN1LF2yOkc) Please enjoy!

Shepard stumbled, a wave of dizziness striking her suddenly and ferociously. She put a hand out to steady herself against the wall, only to pitch forward, retching. The rifle she had been using tumbled across the floor.   
  
"Shepard!" Kasumi whispered harshly. The girl's doe-like eyes were worried as she came to Shepard's side. "Shep, come on, don't do this to me now. We've got too many guys on our ass for you to take a break."   
  
"Can't," Shepard wheezed. "Can't see straight."   
  
"Shit," Kasumi whispered, voice frantic. She wedged her body in beside Shepard's, utilizing the small pile of rubble in front of them as cover. She let a few rounds off, just barely ducking back down in time to avoid a concussive shot. "Shepard, if this is morning sickness, I am going to murder you."   
  
Shepard would have laughed and told her it was impossible for her to be pregnant, but she was too busy fighting off another wave of nausea. She began dry heaving, her shoulders wracked with shakes. "Kasumi," she breathed between shuddering breaths.   
  
Kasumi didn't respond. She stood, letting off a few more rounds. Shepard could barely hear over the blood rushing through her ears, sounding so much like the waves on the beach. The thought brought memories spiraling into her brain, memories of Miami Beach, lounging in the sand with Garrus, Kaidan, and Joker. Sipping daiquiris and mojitos and retelling stories about taking Saren out.   
  
_ Was that vacation really almost four years ago? _ Shepard thought mildly.   
  
"Shepard," came Kasumi's voice, invading her thoughts.   
  
Shepard shook her head, trying to clear it.  But the sound of the ocean rushing in her ears reminded her of Palaven, of Solana’s house on the beach, of the feeling of being buoyant in their salty ocean.   
  
"Shepard!" Kasumi repeated, shoving the commander's shoulder. Shepard wobbled, hazy eyes turning to meet Kasumi's. "Come on, I cleared a path. I need you to cloak; can you do that?"   
  
Shepard weakly looked down at her omni-tool, which lit up hopefully. She tapped a few buttons, praying whatever she had just done resulted in the cloaking technology flowing over her skin.   
  
It must have done the trick because Kasumi's cloak went up, as well, and the girl wrapped an arm around Shepard, hoisting her up.   
  
"Damn, Shep," Kasumi grunted. "You weigh more than you look."   
  
Shepard couldn't answer. She felt everything slipping out of focus again. Her legs gave out beneath her and everything faded to black.   
  


* * *

 

Garrus nearly shot Councilor Valern before he realized who he was.   
  
"You really should have some robes that don't look like Cerberus uniforms," Garrus chided, holstering his pistol. "Are you alright?"   
  
"Fine," Valern replied, though his tone was trembling. He climbed out from the cafeteria table he had been lurking under, brushing off his black and gold robe. He turned his eyes from Garrus and toward the two C-Sec officers with him. Valern looked alarmed. "Where is the Shepard? She was supposed to be here!"   
  
Garrus swallowed down the fear that came with that question. "We were separated. I don't know where-"   
  
"They're going to kill us all," Valern shouted, launching into a frenzy of pacing. "Shepard's the only one I trust! I told her I had information about this-"   
  
"Sir," Donnik interrupted, stepping forward, "If you knew about this, why didn't you tell-"   
  
"I didn't know this would happen so soon!" Valern spat angrily, his fear turning to rage. "I thought we had weeks, months! How was I to know Udina planned this so quickly and effectively! The man can barely order coffee without making a fool of himself!"   
  
"Udina?" Garrus and Jovan repeated simultaneously.   
  
"Yes!" Valern snapped. "Udina! That's why I need Shepard! Udina has been dealing in large sums of money. The only explanation I could come up with was Cerberus. Who else has the kind of funds necessary to pay off a councilor? And now this!"   
  
"My communication link is back up," Donnik said suddenly, looking hopeful. "Garrus, can you reach Shepard? Do you know her communication identifier?"   
  
Garrus almost laughed at the absurdity of the question. Instead, he found her ident and called, praying to the spirits that she answered.   
  
The omni-tool's speaker capabilities filled the small staff room with the sound of buzzing. Finally, the buzzing stopped and a strangled female's voice snapped, "This better be good."   
  
Garrus was taken aback. "Shepard?"   
  
"No," the female responded between pants. "This is… never mind who this is. Who are you?"   
  
Something clicked in Garrus' head. Kasumi. "Kay, it's Garrus," he said quickly. "Where's Shepard?"   
  
"Passed out. I'm lugging her toward Councilor Valern's chambers. Where the hell are you?"   
  
"With Councilor Valern in the fifth-floor cafeteria," Garrus groaned. Valern's chambers were on the tenth floor. "We're all safe for now. Is Shepard hurt?"   
  
"No. She just passed out. We drank a little too much over dinner, I assume vertigo struck her down."   
  
Councilor Velern was massaging his forehead. "Great, our savior is a drunk," he was muttering.   
  
Garrus ignored him and turned his attention back to Kasumi. "Listen, Kay, keep her safe; we're on our way. Until then, stay out of sight. There's some kind of plot to overthrow the Citadel. Cerberus has help from the inside - Councilor Udina-"   
  
"Loud and clear, big guy," she responded quickly, interrupting him. "Holy shit, speak of the Devil! I have to go, Garrus. I'll call you back when we have a second."   
  
"Kay!" Garrus shouted, trying to get her attention.   
  
"I'll call you in a minute!" Kasumi replied, sounding excited. "I just saw Udina! We're going to group up with him and wait for you."   
  
"Kasumi!" Garrus snapped, not even caring to mask her identity.   
  
The line went dead.   
  
"Shit," Jovan cursed. "She's taking Shepard right to him." He loaded a new heat sink into his gun, glancing between the others. "We have to get up there."   
  
Garrus tried calling Shepard's omni-tool again, but it was not answered. He grappled with the numbers, calling her a third time, all the while running through the prayers of protection every turian was taught as a child.   
  
A shot rang out through the room, so close that Garrus ducked. When he turned, pistol raised and ready, all he found was Donnik and Jovan looking at the floor in a stunned silence.   
  
Councilor Velern was on the ground, thick green blood spilling from a neat hole at the top of his head.   
  
Garrus' eyes rose at the same time his pistol did. There was a man in black standing not but ten yards away, a smoking pistol in hand. He had black hair, black armor, and a thick visor that marred most of his face. The Cerberus emblem on his chest gleamed a burnished gold. The smile on his lips was sadistic, something that Garrus had seen on the most hardened of criminals.   
  
He opened his mouth and the voice that came out was like a serpent's. "The Illusive Man sends his regards… Garrus Vakarian. Or should I call your Archangel?"   
  
Garrus aimed a shot and fired, but the shot went wide and the man moved away, so fast he looked like a blur. He laughed, the sound sending chills through Garrus.   
  
"I would love to stick around and play," he continued, voice dropping lower. "But Udina and I have a little date with your girlfriend."   
  
Garrus pulled the trigger, letting off four shots. The man was gone, the bullets burrowing deep into the wall.   
  


* * *

 

Shepard's eyes fluttered and Kaidan was at her side in an instant. "Hey," he whispered, putting a hand to her cheek. "You alright?"   
  
Shepard moaned, pulling herself into a sitting position. She took a quick once-over of the room. It was Udina's office, and she had been unceremoniously dumped on one of the couched in the corner. Her head was pounding, but not from a hangover. It was something more centrally located, something sharper.   
  
"Kaidan, what are you doing here?" Shepard croaked, her throat rattling dryly.   
  
"Udina called me in," Kaidan divulged, but he seemed less than thrilled. "Someone is coming after the councilors. They think it's an inside job."   
  
"Inside job?" Shepard repeated, blinking. "By who?"   
  
"We don't know," Tevos spoke up from where she, Sparatus and Udina had been conversing in the opposite corner. She glided her way over to Shepard, pausing beside the couch. "There have been… rumors."   
  
"Why wasn't anyone warned?" Shepard asked, eyebrows scrunching together. She caught the uneasy look that passed between Kasumi and Kaidan.   
  
Shepard's eyes turned to Udina, who was looking just as morose as everyone else in the room. "This wasn't something we caught soon," Udina admitted. "We didn't even have proof until just recently. We have video-"   
  
"We need to keep moving now that Shepard is awake," Sparatus interrupted. "We have to get to safety. Shepard, will you and your friend escort us to the shuttle port on the roof?"   
  
Shepard glanced at Kaidan, raising an eyebrow. "You okay with me and Ka…Kay shadowing you?" Shepard stumbled, almost slipping Kasumi's real name into the conversation. She was sure that Kaidan had never heard of the thief, but almost certainly the councilors had.   
  
Kaidan nodded, looking relieved. "Three's better than one. You sure you're up to it, Shepard?"   
  
Shepard nodded but let Kaidan help her to her feet anyway. Shepard stretched her leg muscles tentatively before grabbing her sniper from where it had been leaned against the wall. "Alright, let's get going."

 

* * *

 

The oxygen vents on the roof blew Shepard's hair out of her feverish face, doing its best to calm her flushed cheeks. "Udina, how's the ship coming?" she asked, glancing back at where Udina was fiddling with controls on the landing pad.   
  
"Give me a minute, Shepard!" was his gruff reply.   
  
"Shepard!" Kasumi called, seeming alarmed. "The elevator's coming back up!"   
  
Shepard trained her rifle on the elevator just as the doors slid open. Kaidan, Kasumi, and Shepard stood like a living wall between the councilors and their attackers.   
  
Garrus was the first to emerge from the elevator. Shepard immediately dropped her gun to her side, looking relieved. "Garrus, thank God."   
  
Garrus looked equally amazed. "Shepard!"   
  
"Keep them back!" Udina cried from the other end of the landing pad. "They're with Cerberus!"   
  
Shepard's brow furrowed as she turned to look at Udina. "What?" It was then that she noticed Kaidan and Kasumi were still pointing their guns at Garrus.   
  
"It's true, Shepard," Kaidan murmured, his mouth set in a firm line. His gun didn't waver and he had it trained directly at Garrus' face.   
  
Shepard glanced between Kaidan and Kasumi. "What the hell is going on here? Put your guns down, that's Garrus!"   
  
Kasumi shook her head. "Shep, Udina has a video," Kasumi murmured. She looked like she wanted them to convince her otherwise, almost begging them with her eyes.   
  
Udina stepped forward but kept safely behind Kaidan. "It's all right here, Commander," Udina said, seeming very pleased with himself as he pulled up his omni-tool. A short loop of security footage began to play. There was no sound, but Garrus' gun was on the salarian councilor, who was standing dumbly not four feet from him. And then the councilor was on the ground and Garrus' gun fell to his side. "See?" Udina continued. "He shot Councilor Velern. He's here to murder all of us."   
  
Shepard's mouth went dry. She looked up to where Garrus, flanked by two C-Sec officers, was watching Kaidan and Kasumi warily.  The three had their guns drawn and aimed at Udina, but no one seemed interested in being the first to pull.   
  
"Shepard," Garrus began, "you know me. You know I wouldn't do that."   
  
"We have video," Kaidan responded, tone cold.   
  
"It's fabricated," the C-Sec human spoke up. "Cerberus killed Velern."   
  
"Why would Cerberus kill Velern and leave you three alive, if you were not helping them?" Tevos interrupted, her beautiful brow furrowing. "It makes no sense."   
  
"It a trap. Udina's the one who has been helping Cerberus," the human C-Sec snapped.   
  
"Preposterous!" Udina cried out.   
  
"Garrus, you even told me Velern was with you," Kasumi began. Her mouth was set in a weary line, her eyes begging Garrus to contradict her, to say something that explained everything. "You told me he was safe."   
  
"He was," the other turian piped in. "But then this Cerberus operative swooped in and shot him."   
  
"I have the vid of you shooting him!" Udina shouted over the roar of oxygen vents.   
  
"Shut up, everyone," Shepard interrupted. She put her gun back in its holster before tentatively stepping closer to Garrus. He didn't lower his gun, but he did point it away from her. "Garrus," she began softly, "you've got to be very clear with me. Right now. Did you shoot Velern?"   
  
"No," he answered, just as calmly as she had asked it.   
  
"Did these men shoot Velern?"   
  
"No."   
  
Shepard took a deep breath. "Cerberus shot him?"   
  
"Yes."   
  
Shepard turned, facing down the two guns trained on them by her former squad mates. "Lower your guns."   
  
"This is asinine!" Udina bellowed, moving back to the control panel on the landing pad. "I am not staying out here with you murderers! I am taking my chances downstairs-"   
  
"There were phantoms right behind us in the shaft," Garrus interrupted. "Don't do this. You'll all get killed."   
  
Kasumi's gun faltered and she slowly lowered her weapon. "Garrus wouldn't do this. He wouldn't."   
  
"Lower your weapons or I will be forced to shoot," Kaidan shouted, not paying the girl any attention.   
  
Garrus let out a gruff growl and swiveled, the pistol aimed right at Kaidan. "Don't make me pull this trigger, Kaidan."   
  
Kaidan's lips quirked into a wry smile. "You've wanted to do it since day one, I'd imagine."   
  
Shepard looked between the two men, her head spinning. She pulled her stolen Cerberus pistol, aiming it squarely at Kaidan's chest. "Kaidan, don't."   
  
Kaidan laughed, the sound harsh. "Taking his side over the Council's... why am I not surprised?"   
  
Shepard didn't answer Kaidan. "Udina, what do you have to say to the charges?"   
  
Udina was turning purple he was so angry. "Charges? These murderers can't charge me with anything! They-"   
  
"Udina," Tevos began suddenly, looking confused, "You called Sparatus and me and told us to meet you in your office. Right after the first attack… you called us."   
  
"Of course I did!" he snapped, annoyed. "Why wouldn't I try to keep the other councilors safe?"   
  
Tevos took a step back. "Communications were out Citadel-wide. There is no way that you could communicate with us unless you were looping communication through somewhere else."   
  
"Such as the Cerberus communication tower," Sparatus finished, his mandibles flaring wide. He hooked a hand around Tevos' arm, drawing her away from Udina. He blocked her smaller frame with his as if worried Udina might attempt to take her out.   
  
Udina stood there and stared between all of the eyes now locked directly on him. "I… this is ridiculous! I am opening that elevator!"   
  
Just as he moved toward the control panel, a gunshot rang out, echoing across the landing pad. Udina slumped to the ground. Tevos flinched and turned away from his body, which was now staining the rooftop crimson.   
  
Kaidan's gun was now trained on Shepard. "You just shot him!" he snapped, eyes wide. "We didn't know for sure-"   
  
"I knew for sure," Garrus returned, lowering his gun. "Nice shot, Shepard."   
  
Kaidan's hands were shaking. "It was my job to protect them," he seethed.  _ "Our _ job," he added to Shepard. His gun was now trained on her. "And you trust the turian who shot one of the councilors?"   
  
"Kaidan, put the gun down," Shepard sighed.   
  
Kaidan did not back down. His gun was focused directly at Shepard's forehead. Shepard could practically feel Kaidan's finger wrapping around the trigger. She raised her gun and fired another shot, this one entering Kaidan's leg.   
  
Kaidan fell to the ground, letting out a howl of pain. Shepard holstered her gun and grabbed the one Kaidan had dropped, tossing it to Kasumi. "I warned you to never point a gun at me again," she hissed, feeling something very angry and very unfamiliar coil in her belly. She wanted to lash out, to kick his prone figure.  _ How dare he threaten me? How dare he threaten Garrus? _ __   
  
She turned her attention to the two C-Sec officers, the anger rolling off of her in waves. "Get the Councilors to safety. Along with him," she added, barely even glancing down at Kaidan's hunkered form. She glanced over at Kasumi, who looked more than a little startled, and then at Garrus. "We need to go find EDI."   



	9. Endless Song of Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
> 
>  **Chapter notes:** Leviathan DLC incorporated in this chapter. Leviathan will be a much larger part of this story than in the games.
> 
> This chapter's title song is ["Endless Song of Happiness," by Yael Naim.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gc0H8NK0f18) Please enjoy!

Shepard did her best to ignore the onslaught of pings that kept coming through her omni-tool. Every single one of them was from Kaidan, and every single one was nothing but pain-killer induced self-reflection. After reading the first five, Shepard rolled her eyes and decided to ignore him. She managed to turn her ping notifications off, after grappling with the new interface for almost twenty minutes, so she could at least sleep without having soft  _ tings  _ infiltrate her dreams.   
  
Michel had already been in to take her temperature and give her some medicine, shaking her head over Shepard's mysterious high fever. After she left, Shepard dozed, only coming into wakefulness every few hours.   
  
Every time Shepard woke up, someone else was sitting with her. Fir, t it had been Kasumi, who was leafing through an ancient, dog-eared paperback. Probably one of the romances she adored so much.   
  
The next time, Vega was popping chewing gum while gazing admiringly around the cabin. When he noticed Shepard was awake, he pretended to be uninterested and proceeded to give her a hard time about getting sick. She fell back to sleep before she could even respond.   
  
Garrus had been with her next, curled against her back with an arm around her waist. He was asleep, breathing deeply, and Shepard found it easier to relax knowing he was there.   
  
Liara was the next occupant of the room. She was sitting on the wraparound couch, a strange box on the table. Her soft, lilting voice was filling the room as she relayed information on the protheans. She cited Javik for almost every piece of information.   
  
When Shepard awoke again, she was alone. She forced herself out of bed, stumbling her way into the bathroom. She ran cold water in the sink, splashing it onto her face in attempts to soothe her blinding headache.   
  
"Shepard," EDI intoned through the speaker, "I am glad to see you are awake. Would you like me to inform Michel?"   
  
Shepard didn't answer right away. The same anger that had consumed her with Kaidan seemed to be coiling in the pit of her stomach, stretching like a lazy cat. "I'll go down to the med bay," she finally answered, keeping a lid on the hostility.   
  
"Of course, Shepard," EDI replied.   
  
Shepard pushed herself away from the sink and made her way to the elevator. She leaned against the cold metal wall as it transported her to the third deck. When the doors slid open, two privates and an ensign were exchanging jokes and pushed their way into the elevator without waiting for her to exit. Shepard would normally have ignored this small breach of courtesy - after all, they probably hadn’t seen her since she had been slumped in the corner. It wasn't their fault she had shoved herself into the back of the elevator, hidden from view.   
  
This time, however, Shepard did not excuse it. She glowered at the trio, who noticed her right away and looked appropriately abashed. "There is a reason," she began slowly, "that you shouldn't stand directly in front of the goddamn doors. What if I was a Collector, just waiting to drag you to my ship and liquefy you into a paste?"   
  
The looks of embarrassment quickly became horror.   
  
Shepard wasn't finished, though. She pressed the 'open doors' button and continued. "Hell, I could have just been Commander fucking Shepard. But maybe Commander fucking Shepard isn't in the fucking mood to get trampled by some fucking kids while exiting the elevator."   
  
She didn't even pay attention to the quickly mumbled apologies and salutes. She stormed out of the elevator as loudly as she could in bare feet.   
  
Michel was standing just behind the partition between the mess and elevator, looking confused. She held a mug of coffee in one hand and a data pad in the other. "Commander, is everything alright?"   
  
Shepard bit back the harsh anger that threatened to bubble from her lips. Instead she took a deep breath and murmured, "Alliance is getting lax with the kids nowadays. I would have been skinned alive by my CO's if they caught me barging into an elevator without making sure it was empty."   
  
Michel raised an eyebrow but did not push the subject. She led Shepard into the med bay, setting her coffee mug and data pad down and turning her attention to the Commander. "How are you feeling?"   
  
Shepard slid onto one of the examination tables. "Fine," she lied.   
  
Michel wasn't buying it. "After how you reacted with those officers, I would assume something might be bothering you."   
  
"I don't need a shrink," Shepard muttered darkly.   
  
"I would never think to presume. I only thought you might need another woman to speak to," Michel offered, voice softening. She reached out, the back of her hand resting on Shepard's forehead. She made a soft noise of disquiet before doing the same thing to the side of Shepard's neck. "You still have the fever. If I wasn't so sure otherwise, I would think it was worsening."   
  
Michel turned from Shepard and went to rummage through her desk. "Did you eat or drink anything unusual or foreign while on the Citadel?"   
  
Shepard frowned. "No. Kasumi and I had ramen and green tea. And a bottle of sake…or two."   
  
Michel hummed. "Kasumi would be showing signs of trauma, as well, were it food poisoning." She returned with a thermometer, which she scanned over Shepard's forehead. The reading beeped instantly. The display read 38.7 Celsius. Chloe Michel inhaled sharply before murmuring, "It  _ is _ getting worse. You were only at 36 two hours ago."   
  
The annoyance inside of Shepard took the backburner as she let herself grow concerned. "What could it be?"   
  
"Honestly, I haven't the faintest idea," Michel admitted, her voice lilting as she bit down on a thumb, thinking. "I did not notice any wounds from the mission. No shrapnel or bullets that would cause infection."   
  
Shepard shook her head. "Nothing. I was shielded through most of it and passed out for the rest."   
  
Michel watched her for a few moments before shaking her head. "I hate to admit this," she groused, "but I have no idea what is happening to your body. Are you suffering any other side effects, no matter how small? Headache, nausea?"   
  
Shepard almost denied her side effects. After a moment's hesitation, she finally murmured, "Headache. Brief nausea when I woke up. Mostly it's just… this anger," she finished lamely. "I've felt on edge, impatient."   
  
"Such as your reaction at the elevator?" Michel prompted.   
  
"Yes," Shepard breathed. "I feel fine, but then this annoyance and hatred just curls in my stomach and makes me… I don't know. Makes me someone else."   
  
Michel worried her lower lip for a moment before murmuring, "And your menstrual cycle? Could this be stress and hormones?"   
  
Shepard almost laughed but kept it at bay. Michel was new to the ship; she hadn't been with them during the Collector base. "No… I had a hysterectomy almost a year ago."   
  
Michel looked sincerely apologetic. "I am so sorry, of course, those injuries.  I only helped out with you a bit, I wasn’t entirely aware of the extent of your later surgeries." She shook herself, face showing more compassion now. "This anger just recently started, then? It isn't something that has been occurring since the hysterectomy?"   
  
"No. It's a brand new occurrence. I am usually pretty relaxed with most things outside of the field."   
  
Michel bit her lower lip. "I honestly don't know. I assumed it could be a hormonal imbalance, perhaps a lack of estrogen after your surgery. But if you just now beginning to show the effects.…" Her voice trailed off before she threw her hands up in a tiny surrendering motion. "I don't know."   
  
Shepard nodded, more to herself than to Michel. "Well, I guess it's back to the drawing board."   
  
Michel gave her an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, Commander. I will try to get in contact with Chakwas and see if she might have some insight. Oh, and I almost forgot!" she added quickly, eyes bright, "Congratulations!"   
  
Shepard had been in the middle of sliding off of the examination table and almost stumbled. "Congrat… for what?"   
  
"I noticed the ring," Michel grinned, looking exuberant. "It's so nice to see love finding a place to flourish in the middle of all of this. When I saw it after your Citadel shore leave, I was so pleased. Is your spouse alright? Not hurt during the battle, I assume?"   
  
Shepard stared at Michel for a moment, trying to wrap her brain around it. Did the Doctor seriously not know she and Garrus had been together for almost four years? Had she just thought he was a really good friend who slept in the hospital for almost three months while Shepard was in a coma?  "Uh, yeah. Fiance. But yeah, he's fine," she answered dumbly.   
  
"I bet he's C-Sec, am I right?" Michel added, a mischievous glint in her green eyes. "I always pictured you with a high ranked Citadel Security human."   
  
"Turian," Shepard corrected, feeling a faint smile blossoming on her lips. "And he's ex C-Sec."   
  
Michel nodded appreciatively, humming, "I knew it. You and I are more alike than you realize. I've had my eyes on a certain turian for a while, you know."   
  
Shepard cleared her throat, trying to figure out the best way to get out of the room without laughing or tearing Michel's face off. "Right.  Uh, I should go. I, um, need to go check on things… right," she began, moving quickly toward the door. "I'll be back later," she called over her shoulder as she practically jogged away from the med bay.   
  
Garrus, luckily, was in the mess with a bowl of something that looked like it was scraped off the bottom of Shepard's boot. She ignored the food as she sat heavily across from Garrus. "You didn't tell her?"   
  
Garrus looked mystified. "It's nice to see you, too.  How are you feeling?"   
  
Shepard rolled her eyes, glancing back toward the med bay. Michel was at the window, staring at them - more specifically, staring at Garrus.   
  
Garrus cringed. "Shit, I had hoped she wouldn't notice me."   
  
"Why didn't you tell her about us?"   
  
Garrus let out a sigh. "Honestly? Because I've been too busy avoiding her. You know how I am with confrontation."   
  
"You're aggressive and blast the hell out of it."   
  
"No," Garrus corrected patiently, "not when it comes to women. It took an embarrassing and awkward series of events to lead to our first kiss, remember?"   
  
Shepard smiled despite herself. "I remember."   
  
"What about you?" Garrus returned, mandibles twitching in amusement. "You were just in there with her. Why didn't you shove the ring in her face and tell her to back off?"   
  
Shepard tilted her head to the side, contemplating. "You're right; dealing with her is really stressful. I just wanted to get the hell away."   
  
Garrus hummed, taking a moment to scarf down a few bites of the sludge on his plate. "Told you so."   
  
"Mmhmm," Shepard murmured, getting to her feet. She paused and smiled before leaning down, placing a kiss on his mandible. "I'm going up to my cabin. See you there later?"   
  
"I'll be there," Garrus returned, reaching out to caress a talon gently across her cheek. "Take it easy."   
  
When Shepard turned to make her way to the elevator, she spared a glance at the med bay. Michel was nowhere to be seen and the glass had gone opaque.   
  


* * *

  
Shepard closed her eyes for a moment, once again overcome by lightheadedness. The entire goose chase she had been subjected to, following this mysterious Leviathan, had finally paid off. They found the beacon. There was only a slight setback, of course, as setbacks tended to happen with everything Shepard undertook.   
  
"Shepard, this is insane," Garrus insisted, his eyes pleading with her. Rain spattered across his face, dripping from his mandibles. "You can't do this. I won't  _ let  _ you do this."   
  
Shepard's eyes opened and she offered Garrus the best smile she could fake. "I'll be fine. It's just a little water." She didn't mention that her head was still spinning and her heart was hammering in her chest.   
  
Garrus glanced to the side, where Cortez was taking readings from the aquatic mech Shepard was harnessed into. Cortez was doing his best to ignore the pair, but a faint grimace played across his features. No doubt the conversation was getting a little too close to one he had with Robert.   
  
Garrus let out a noise somewhere between a sigh and a growl. "Please don't do this."   
  
"I have no choice," Shepard replied softly. "We're marooned, and whatever this Leviathan is, it isn't letting us leave."   
  
Garrus's eyes closed. "I know."   
  
"I have to do this," she added as gently as she could.   
  
"I know," Garrus repeated. "Just… come back."   
  
Shepard smiled faintly. "I always do."   
  
"You're cleared, Commander," Cortez spoke up from the side of the mech. "I've done all I can for her. Your oxygen levels look good; you have about two hours' worth at depth, so try to keep it snappy. She's all juiced up, but it's been a long time since this thing's been in prime condition. I wouldn't trust it too much. Remember to leave at least enough for the thrusters to get you back here."   
  
"Right," Shepard murmured, taking a deep breath. She tried to ignore the dark spots that swam in and out of her vision. "Wish me luck."   
  
"Luck ain't got nothin’ on you," Vega spoke up, clapping Garrus on the arm as if trying to cheer him up. "You're Commander Shepard."   
  
"Damn right," Cortez spoke up, smiling. "We'll see you soon, Commander."   
  
Shepard lowered the hatch. The last thing she saw before the hazy glass encased her was Garrus' startling blue eyes.   
  


* * *

  
  
Blue. There was something… something she needed to do. Something she needed to get back to. Something blue.   
  
So cold. Why was it so cold? There used to be something else. Something warm. Something comforting.   
  
Disjointed thoughts jumbled together as Shepard froze, her muscles ignoring her attempts to move. She wasn't sure if her eyes were opened or closed. Everything was so dark.   
  
**Why have you come?**   
  
Shepard jolted, her heart like a sledgehammer in her chest. The voice was so familiar, layered and deep. It was as if the very cosmos was speaking to her.   
  
**Why have you come?**   
  
Shepard opened her mouth but there was cotton coating her tongue and cold water entered her mouth. She sputtered, choking.   
  
_ I can't die, _ she thought angrily. _ I can't go out this way. _   
  
**Why?**   
  
The scene shifted chaotically and Shepard was suddenly on all fours, retching, surrounded by blackness. Saltwater coated her tongue, burning as it trickled down her throat despite her vomit-wracked shaking.   
  
**Why won't you die?**   
  
_ I can't, _ Shepard repeated adamantly.  _ I have too much to do. Too much riding on my success. _ _   
_   
**Success eludes us all. We will perish in the face of the Reaping, or we will hide and scurry like mice.** **  
**   
_ Like you have? _   
  
Chaotic images of wars and destruction filled her mind. She could see beings like she had never seen, god-like things, and blood. So much blood. There were wars; wars after wars. The protheans filtered through her mind, followed by an image of herself. She was young in the image; fresh-faced and youthful, her Alliance uniform pressed and shining liquid blue.   
  
Shepard remembered the picture. She remembered posing for it, along with the other newly inducted recruits. She had been a mere eighteen but already a ranked soldier.   
  
**We watch and we record. We record your efforts and your failures. Everything you do, we see.**   
  
Shepard was trembling but she did her best to get to her feet. Her knees buckled beneath her and she sank down.   
  
_ What are you doing to me? _ _   
_   
**You are dying.** **  
**   
_ No. _ _   
_   
**You can argue the fact as often as you would like. You have very little time left. Use it any way you choose.** **  
**   
_ I can't die. _ _   
_ _   
_ **Why?**   
  
_ I have people who depend on me. My crew – _   
  
**You are only one human. One mortal woman. What can you do those others have not done before you?** **  
**   
_ We have already proven ourselves! We have done something none of the other races have managed! We have destroyed the Collector base, we have banned together – all of the races are working as one!  _ Shepard argued, her entire body wracked with convulsions. She was losing feeling in her feet.   
  
**Not all.** **  
**   
_ They will. They will all join us once they realize- _   
  
The presence was gone from her head and Shepard was suddenly in the cockpit of the aquabot again, struggling for breath. The oxygen levels were depleting. She had ten minutes left, and that was at a normal breathing rate. As it was, she was gasping and trembling, expending more energy than she could take in. The bot's life was dwindling toward the half mark. At this rate, it would last longer than she did.   
  
Cold water splashed around Shepard's ankles, seeping in slowly from a rupture near the bottom of the glass. The crack was slowly widening under the pressure. Something hot and wet was dripping over her lips and, when Shepard reached up, her fingers came back red with blood.   
  
Shepard felt as if an icy hand gripped her heart and shunted her forward and she was again on all fours, surrounded by blackness.   
  
**Why have you come?** **  
**   
_ We need your help, _ Shepard wheezed, her voice coming out in a rush.  _ You've killed Reapers. We need you. _ _   
_   
**We do not involve ourselves.**   
  
_ You're already involved! You’re organic – you're as much a part of this as we are! _ _   
_   
**We are not.**   
  
Shepard tried a different tactic. _ They know you're here. We're fighting them off of you right now. I am sure they're more interested in you than us at the moment. The ones that got away. _ _   
_   
There was a hesitation before the reply came. **They cannot be defeated. You have no hope. They were cast in our own image; given strengths that your cycle cannot fathom or hope to overcome.** **  
**   
_ But you can. You can help us win. Help us end these cycles. _   
  
Silence. Shepard was losing feeling in everything below her waist. And then, finally, the response.   
  
**We demand a fee.** **  
**   
_ Anything, _ Shepard agreed, her heart fluttering faintly. Black spots danced before her eyes and each breath she drew ceased to bring in the required oxygen.

There was another pause before the voice returned.  **Keep the necklace close. The gift from the asari.  The gift from us.**

* * *

  
  
Garrus took a moment to glance down at his omni-tool. An hour and fifty minutes. Shepard had been gone for an hour and fifty minutes and the pit of Garrus' stomach became a nest of butterflies. She wasn't going to make it. She wasn't going to-   
  
"Brutes, four o'clock – snap out of it, big guy!" Vega quipped, lobbing a grenade toward the oncoming brutes. The massive hybrids were ambling toward them, carapaced heads swiveling from side to side, scanning everything. The grenade exploded and the brutes stumbled, heads turning toward the pair.   
  
It was at that moment that the aquabot shot out of the ocean, its thrusters petering out so the mech touched down heavily on the deck. The hatch opened, as if on its own, and Shepard fell out of it. She was on the deck, face down, not moving.  A torrent of water followed her, spilling over the deck and back into the ocean.   
  
"Shepard!" Garrus yelled. He was moving before he even realized it. He didn't hear Vega let off a string of curses behind him. He didn't hear the brutes let out a terrible growl and begin to move toward him. All he heard was the rush of blood in his head.   
  
Vega managed to draw the brutes' attention to him and Garrus slipped by, unnoticed. He dropped to his knees beside Shepard, pulling her up into his arms. Her face was puffy and she was bleeding from her nose. "Shepard?" he whispered frantically.   
  
He found her pulse, rejoicing in the faint sign of life. She was alive, but just barely. There was a sickening rattle with every inhale she took, as if she was breathing underwater.   
  
He knew that humans would administer CPR to inflate the lungs and help others breathe. His mouth, however, was not exactly designed for CPR.   
  
Garrus hoisted Shepard over his shoulder, running back to where Cortez and Vega were trying to keep the remaining brute at bay. "Someone give her CPR!" Garrus snapped, laying Shepard down on the ground. Her lips were beginning to turn blue.   
  
Vega didn't even hesitate. He tossed his assault rifle to Garrus and ducked down beside Shepard, feeling for a pulse. "It's weak, but it's there," he murmured, sounding angry. Vega squeezed Shepard's nose closed and tilted her face back, mouth lowering to cover hers.   
  
Garrus focused on the brute, trying not to listen to Vega's counting as he compressed Shepard's chest, trying to get her breath strengthened. Garrus managed to finally take the brute down just as it charged them.   
  
At that same moment, a Reaper began to descend, its spindly legs groping toward them from miles away.   
  
Cortez was gaping at it. "Shit. We're fucked. Leviathan wasn't there. Nothing was there."   
  
"Keep it together," Garrus snapped, although panic was rising in his throat. They were stuck on a hunk of metal in the middle of the ocean, rain pelting them, surrounded by a force field that fried their ship every time they tried to leave.   
  
And now they had a Reaper inbound.   
  
Shepard was suddenly up, sputtering and coughing, a lung-full of water splashing out of her mouth and onto the deck. She was breathing heavily and shaking, her eyes wild. "Leviathan?" she asked, eyes darting around her.   
  
"It's just you," Garrus murmured, moving closer. "There was no Leviathan."   
  
Shepard looked up and saw the Reaper, her pale face stricken. "No," she whispered. "No, no, they… they promised. They promised!"   
  
Shepard was suddenly on her feet and, somehow, running. Garrus tore after her, terrified she was going to leap into the ocean. Instead, she stopped at the edge of the deck, screaming, " _ You promised!" _   
  
A terrible crack echoed through the air, sending shockwaves out. Shepard pitched and fell backward into Garrus' arms.   
  
The energy that had surrounded them, prohibiting their ability to leave, was gone. The Reaper above them seemed to curl up on itself, its legs twitching and writhing in equal measures. The entire body was suddenly rent in two, the pieces falling toward them for a moment before exploding.   
  
Garrus covered Shepard with his body, the deck plunging violently beneath them as pieces of Reaper rained down from above, causing massive waves.   
  
"Garrus! Shepard! We have to go! NOW!"   
  
Garrus didn't waste a moment. He grabbed Shepard and hauled her into his arms, running full-tilt toward the dropship.   



	10. Doctor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
> 
> This chapter's title song is ["I Need a Doctor," by Dr. Dre, Eminem, and Skylar Grey.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA770wpLX-Q) Please enjoy!

Shepard hadn't slept in seventy-six hours. Garrus knew this because he was keeping track. He didn't need much sleep; no more than three or four hours a day. Humans, though… humans were always sleeping. Shepard had complained about the fact a few years back, bemoaning that after 2 years dead and all of her artificial parts, she thought she might have gotten less tired.   
  
But not now. Shepard had been running on nothing but three hours of rest, which she had gotten in the infirmary, bloated and disoriented from decompression sickness after her Leviathan hunt underwater. After those three hours, nothing could slow her down. She had eaten like a krogan, drank more water than Garrus thought was possible, and then made her way to the bridge.   
  
"Joker, set a course for Kallini. We have some Ardat-Yakshi to hunt down."   
  
Garrus watched Shepard closely over the three days it took to reach Kallini. She seemed fine – light, airy almost. She smiled freely and partook in the ship's rounds with a vigor he hadn't seen in a long time. It was amazing to see the transformation in her.   
  
_And scary,_ Garrus thought to himself, trying to be discreet as he watched Shepard pop into the med bay to speak with Michel.  _ This isn't like Shepard. Even when we first met, she was never this… exuberant. _ _   
_   
He knew he shouldn't be complaining about the change. After all, a little happiness was warranted - they had secured an alliance with the elusive Leviathan and taken down a Reaper.   
  
Shepard returned from the med bay, raising her eyebrows at him and grinning. "What's up? You've been following me like a lost puppy all day."   
  
_ For the past  _ three  __ days, Garrus thought wryly. "Just want to make sure you're not pushing yourself. That decompression sickness sounds nasty."   
  
"Michel gave me a clean bill of health. Stop being such a worry wart." She breezed past him, pausing only to steal a kiss, before heading toward Liara's room. Garrus took her absence to do something he swore he would never do short of serious maiming – he went into the med bay.   
  
Michel was in the middle of taking a drink from her coffee cup and nearly choked. "Garrus! What can I help you with?" She got to her feet anxiously, looking more eager than she should.   
  
Garrus took a deep breath before asking. "Is Shepard alright?"   
  
Michel raised an eyebrow. "Well, yes. The DCS passed through much faster than any of us could have expected. With the number of air pockets in her skin, I thought for sure we would have to keep her under observation for a few days. Her levels were completely normal by the time she woke up, though. Really, it's fascinating how quickly she recovered."   
  
"But her mood," Garrus prompted. "She's never been this… cheery."   
  
Michel looked amused. "Well, I have never heard of someone complaining that their commander is cheerful. Would you rather her be sullen?"   
  
"No," Garrus murmured, looking torn. "I'm glad she's feeling better, but…. She was under a lot of pressure, a lot of stress. It's like she's completely forgotten everything that's riding on her."   
  
Michel nodded, beginning to look a little uneasy. "Now that you mention it, Shepard had been complaining about a sense of anger that kept overtaking her. She even lashed out at some officers last week, all because they got into the elevator before she got out."   
  
Garrus' mandibles flared. He hadn't heard about this. "She never told me.…"   
  
Michel shrugged, moving to sit at her terminal and pulling up a link to Huerta. "It's not uncommon. I doubt she would have divulged that to even myself, was I not pressing her about it."   
  
Garrus decided to let that one go. Better to keep her focused than to admit he was engaged to Shepard and make her flail with questions and confusion.   
  
Michel's fingers went to work on the terminal, humming to herself as she pulled up information. "Ah, here we are. Decompression sickness."   
  
"How many cases does Huerta see? It's not like there's an ocean out there."   
  
"No," Michel admitted, looking amused, "but we do see a few workers who help with maintenance outside of the Citadel come in. It's not about the water, it's about the pressure changes. Going into a highly compressed area, molecules and gasses contract and get smaller. Once you begin to return to a less pressurized environment, those some molecules get bigger."   
  
"And…?"   
  
"And," Michel continued, seeming to enjoy schooling him on her medical knowledge, "it causes problems if you cross over into a lower pressure environment too quickly. Here, watch." She slid a glove onto her left hand, holding it open for Garrus to see. "Imagine your lungs are my hand." She shook a few tablets out of a bottle of the desk. "And pretend these acetaminophen tablets are gasses that you breathe in. You will only take in as much air as your lungs can hold, right?"   
  
"Right," Garrus murmured, trying to follow along. He was a soldier, not a damn doctor.   
  
"Okay. Now, once you get lower in depth, the pressure causes these acetaminophen tablets to get smaller and smaller, so now your lungs take in twice as many particles of gas, or maybe even three times as many.  Now, pretend you are at depth and need to get up to the surface immediately. Say you're low on air, or you're being chased by a water monster."   
  
"A water monster?" Garrus repeated.   
  
"Play along. Anyway, you need to get out and quickly. So what do you do?"   
  
"Get to the surface."   
  
"But then you're passing into lower pressurized environments as you ascend," Michel murmured. "So now, that excessive amount of small gas that you've been breathing in starts expanding and getting bigger. You're probably going too fast to realize the slight pain slowly building, and maybe you're holding your breath as much as you can to conserve oxygen."   
  
"Shit," Garrus whispered.   
  
Michel nodded, putting the acetaminophen back in the jar. "Exactly.  With the crack in the aquabot and the water inside the cabin, it could have been deadly.  Luckily it seemed like Shepard didn't have much oxygen to begin with. Her life support had been dwindling, which ended up saving her life."   
  
Garrus sighed; something was still niggling at the back of his brain. "Are you sure this change in mood can't be associated with it? With her decompression sickness?"   
  
Michel hummed to herself again as she turned back to her terminal, doing a quick search. "Ah, I do show that change in behavior is possible in an extreme case of DCS. This would only occur if the oxygen expanded in her brain, though, and she would more than likely be showing more symptoms. Blurred vision, perhaps, or slight amnesia, confusion, seizures-"   
  
"She hasn't been sleeping since the accident," Garrus interjected. "Not even a nap."   
  
"She told me that just a moment ago when she was in," Michel informed him, looking a little confused as to why he knew such an intimate detail. "She said she's been feeling anxious and asked for some sleeping pills. It's common to suffer sleep loss and anxiety after a close call, Garrus. I have a feeling her elation is just her body's way of rejoicing to still be alive."   
  
Garrus' mandibles clicked as they flicked against his jaw. "Okay. She's fine, then?"   
  
"Completely," Michel assured him, her smile flawless. "Say, Garrus. I was wondering if-"   
  
The door slid open and Shepard stood there, just in time to interrupt Michel's newest proposition. "We're an hour out, Garrus. Suit up and meet us at the drop ship?"   
  
"Right behind you," he breathed, saying a quick goodbye to Michel and darting out of the room.   
  


* * *

  
  
Garrus took a deep breath and counted to ten before he threw himself over the barrier, running full-tilt to where Shepard was cornered by two of the shrieking Banshees. He ducked behind a partition and lined up a shot, hitting the creature in the middle of her head. Her face exploded in a mess of gore, splattering across Shepard's face.   
  
Shepard, to her defense, didn't even seem fazed. Her shields were weakening but she kept her cool, aiming down her scope and landing another hit between the banshee's eyes. She then loaded an incinerate into her omni-tool, the ball of fire exploding against the creature's chest. It fell back, shrieking.   
  
Shepard was panting as Garrus drew closer to her, helping her wipe the gunk from her helmet as best as he could. "Where's Kasumi?" she asked between breaths.   
  
"You told her to run after Samara," Garrus murmured, voice sounding concerned.   
  
“Samara?” Shepard blinked, seeming confused. "I did?"   
  
"…Yes. Samara’s here for her daughters and you told Kasumi to tail her. Then we came down here and got attacked."   
  
Shepard nodded, though her expression still seemed mystified. "Right. Right, I remember." She put her rifle back before grabbing her pistol. "Let's go. I don't want Kasumi left alone if there are more of these things roaming around."   
  
Garrus followed behind Shepard, watching her as closely as he could. She had been acting strangely the entire mission. She had been dismissive with Samara, which was odd considering her affection for the justicar.   
  
If that had been the sole incident, Garrus could have ignored it. During their battle, however, Shepard had rushed headlong into the fray, seeming completely unconcerned that there was a new threat they had not faced before.   
  
Now she was forgetting something that had happened no more than fifteen minutes before.   
  
"Are you feeling alright, Shepard?" Garrus asked as they moved through the empty corridors and toward in the inner sanctum.   
  
"Of course," Shepard responded flippantly. "Just a little tired."   
  
She didn't seem tired; she seemed wound up and wide awake. Garrus didn't press it.  It would be better to speak with her about it when they weren't possibly surrounded by asari-reaper hybrids.   
  


* * *

  
  
Shepard pulled her breastplate off and unhooked her visor from her omni-tool earpiece. She was in the middle of unhooking her grieves when Garrus came off the drop ship and gently took her arm. "We need to talk," he murmured.   
  
Shepard hummed her agreement, unhooking the thigh and shin guards before tugging her boots off and slipping into her usual pair of black flats. "What's up?"   
  
"Are you sure you're okay?" he pressed. "You acted like you didn’t remember Samara, or that you told Kasumi to follow her.  You rushed off into a fight, throwing tactics to the wind. You've been acting…off."   
  
"I know," Shepard admitted, looking apologetic. "I'm sorry. I knew I should have sat that mission out. I knew I should have sent you, Kasumi and Liara. I am all jumbled up. I think it's from lack of sleep." She let out a sigh, glancing down at her feet. "Every time I close my eyes, I remember the ocean and feeling like I was going to drown. I don't know, it sounds so silly when I say it out loud."   
  
Garrus felt a wave of relief flood over him. Michel was right. She was fine aside from some PTSD, it sounded like. He pulled her into a hug, kissing her forehead. "It sounds completely normal. Come on, let's get you into bed."   
  
Shepard grumbled good-naturedly but allowed herself to be steered out of the hangar and toward the elevator.   
  


* * *

  
Kasumi had been polishing Shepard's armor at Garrus' request when she found the necklace that was tucked into the breast compartment. Normally the compartment was used for storing ear plugs or other small devices. Holding necklaces, though….   
  
Kasumi tilted her head to the side, eyes narrowing as she inspected it. The pebbles of glass were glowing faintly, the dark blue being usurped by a faint green now and then. It looked familiar, but she couldn't quite place where she had seen it before.   
  
_ It's just a necklace, _ she thought suddenly and without really meaning to. All she knew was that she was suddenly freezing and she didn't want to move the necklace from where it was nestled in Shepard's armor. She placed it back in the compartment, covering it with the Velcro straps and cloth, before turning and moving toward the elevator.   
  
_ I shouldn't mention this to anyone, _ she rationalized in a voice that wasn't quite her own.  _ It's only a silly necklace. _ _   
_ __   
  



	11. If I Had a Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
> 
>  **Chapter notes:** Enter Lark... or, should we say, Pracilla Huerta. 
> 
> This chapter's title song is ["If I Had a Heart," by Fever Ray.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBAzlNJonO8) Please enjoy!

Shepard sat down heavily at her bedroom terminal, scanning over her newest messages. One of them, marked urgent, caught her attention first.   
  
_ Aria T'Loak. _   
  
Shepard groaned without meaning to, pulling up the message. It was short and to the point - typical Aria. She needed Shepard's help taking back Omega and offered a reward to sweeten the deal for the Alliance troops.   
  
Sighing, Shepard glanced over the long list of requests and missions that seemed to be lobbed in her direction at every second. Shepard knew that rushing across the galaxy to Omega was the last thing the Alliance wanted her to do. However, Aria's promise of a reward was too much for Shepard to ignore and Aria was always one to hold up her end of a bargain.   
  
Shepard pressed her comm. link and said, "Joker, set a course for the Citadel. I need to meet with Aria."   
  
"Shore leave?" Joker needled, sounding a little too excited.   
  
"I'll know more after I talk to Aria.  When we land, everyone needs to stay at their stations until I give the go-ahead."   
  
"Aye, aye," Joker responded, terminating the link.   
  
Shepard sat in the silence of her room, trying to ignore the constant buzzing in her inner ear. It had been bothering her ever since she woke up in the infirmary. It was probably yet another side effect from her hasty retreat above sea level. She could handle a little bit of buzzing in her ear, though - at least she wasn't forgetting everything and feeling high-strung as she had been right after the decompression sickness.   
  
"Commander," Traynor's voice beeped over her intercom, interrupting her thoughts. "Incoming signal for you. It's marked urgent and the sender is private. I was able to trace this signal to UNAS headquarters at the Citadel."   
  
"Patch it through to the vid comm. I'll be down in a minute." Shepard was up and moving before she gave herself a chance to think about what she had heard. UNAS. Who did she know at the UNAS headquarters, and more importantly, why did they want to talk to her? As far as Shepard was concerned, the Alliance was the only organization that should be contacting her, especially with the war going on.   
  
When she stepped into the communication room, however, she felt bile rise in her throat. The blue-tinged, pixilated figure before her was familiar enough that it made Shepard want to gag.   
  
The coiffed figure of Priscilla Huerta stared at her coolly, her smile serene. "Commander Shepard, might I be the first representative of the United North American States to welcome you back to active duty. I am very pleased to see you looking well."   
  
"Lark," Shepard greeted, voice tight. "How is the terrorism going?"   
  
Lark's smile turned into something darker, something more real. "I think you must have me confused with someone, Commander. My name is Priscilla Huerta. I am the Speaker of the House for the UNAS."   
  
"You know what they say about putting lipstick on a pig, Lark," Shepard replied. Lark's smile didn't flinch. "What do you want?"   
  
"I was hoping we could have lunch when you are on the Citadel," Lark purred, voice like silk. "Perhaps you could bring your little friend, Vakarian. I hear he made a full recovery, against all odds. You two are quite the fighters."   
  
"Why would we want to have lunch with you?"   
  
Lark's eyelashes fluttered in mock dismay. "Commander, don't hurt my feelings! I thought it would be a nice photo op. It would be good for Earth and all of our active troops out there to see us putting aside our differences, putting aside the politics, making nice and striving for the survival of our race."   
  
"Putting aside our differences?" Shepard laughed. "Politics? You're a fucking terrorist, Lark. You sell weapons to the highest bidder. Hell, you probably helped the Illusive Man take over Omega."   
  
Lark shrugged. "Sticks and stones, Shepard. You can call me whatever you want to call me - the fact is, the galaxy sees _you_ as more of a terrorist than me. Turning against the Council and Alliance, only to fall into Cerberus' bed?" Lark chuckled. "Besides, you can't prove any of this. Rattling on about me trying to kill you will just make you look crazy. You don't want that, now, do you?"   
  
Shepard bit her tongue. "What do you really want, Lark?"   
  
Lark let out an all-suffering sigh as if she were speaking to an invalid. "If you are sincerely interested, meet me at the Café Dolce in two days. 1400 hours. I have something you might be interested in.  I'll make it worth your while."   
  
The call disconnected, leaving Shepard alone and more confused than anything.   
  


* * *

  
  
"I don't like this," Garrus grumbled, glancing around the throngs of people entering and exiting the Café Dolce doors. He and Shepard and picked a table near the back so that they could keep an eye on the front door, and possibly make a break out the back in case things went south.   
  
"Me either," Shepard admitted, sipping her latte. "But, we have a few hours to spare before Aria can see us and I need to find out what this bitch wants."   
  
Garrus' mandibles were clicking against his jaw in annoyance. "How quickly do you think we'd be gunned down if I shot her?"   
  
"Pretty quickly," Shepard replied with a soft chuckle.   
  
The door opened and the perfectly poised Priscilla Huerta strode in, pushing her overly large sunglasses onto the top of her head. Shepard wasn’t sure if she’d ever seen anyone wear sunglasses on the Citadel unless they were trying to stay hidden, but Lark seemed to not care.  Her smart dress was just tight enough to hug every curve without being obscene. The slate gray pumps matched the dress, accented with summery green piping.  She looked flawless, as usual.     
  
She noticed them immediately and smiled that sneaky Cheshire grin of hers, coming toward them. "Commander Jane Shepard, I am so glad to finally meet you in person. And this must be Garrus Vakarian?" She extended her hand to Shepard as if expecting it to be shaken.   
  
Shepard raised an eyebrow. "Really?"   
  
Lark's smile was unaffected as she murmured under her breath, "I'm being tailed by a reporter. They'll take a few pictures and then leave. Act like this is a diplomatic meeting and for God's sake stop looking at me like you want to murder me."   
  
Shepard glanced to the doorway again where a young woman was pushing through. A vid drone followed her, its display turning toward their table. Shepard cursed before forcing a very generic smile. "Huerta. Pleasure." She extended her hand and took Lark's. They shook before pulling apart quickly.   
  
"And Mister Vakarian?" Lark pressed, hand moving toward him.   
  
Garrus, however, would not play nice. "If you want to keep your hand, you will get it away from me."   
  
Lark's left eye twitched and she forced a laugh, pulling back. "Well, let's sit, shall we? Shepard, I see you already get a coffee. I think that looks divine. I've been trying to avoid caffeine; it tends to leave me jittery, but I think I might go get one. Excuse me."   
  
Lark moved away from the table and met with the reporter. It was obvious she was convincing the reporter to leave in exchange for an interview later that evening. If there was one thing Shepard could say about Lark, it was her ability to smooth talk any situation.   
  
Once the reporter had departed, Lark went to the counter to get an espresso. When she returned, her smile was gone. "I hope you both understand how much I dislike doing this. Publicly meeting with you could get back to some very nasty individuals and leave me… exposed."   
  
"You mean the Illusive Man?" Shepard pressed.   
  
Lark glanced around and for the first time, Shepard noticed the dark circles under the woman's flawless makeup. "Try to keep your voice down. Say the Devil's name and he shall appear," she grumbled, sipping her espresso.   
  
"So why did you drag us here?" Garrus asked, never one for sitting patiently.   
  
Lark sighed, running a hand over her smooth mane of hair. "Alright, look. I get there's some bad blood between us. What happened on Palaven was not exactly a friendly get together."   
  
Shepard snorted, leaning back in her chair. "Really?"   
  
Lark rolled her eyes. "Seriously, cut the shit, will you? I get you're still pissed that we tried to kill you, blah blah blah. I wasn't the one who kicked the shit out of you, or shot your man, by the way."   
  
"No, but you let it happen," Shepard added.   
  
Lark took a deep breath. "You're pissed and you have a good reason. But Illusive really fucked me over a few weeks ago and I…." Lark glanced around again. "I need a Cerberus general disposed of. General Petrovsky. He's the one heading the Omega occupation."   
  
"And why should we do this for you?" Garrus asked.   
  
"I know Aria has reached out to you, asking you to help take Omega back. I also know that Admiral Hackett has approved the mission," Lark said quickly. "You're there to take him out anyway. I just need… _ assurance… _ that it is done."   
  
Shepard narrowed her eyes. "What does he have on you?"   
  
Lark bit her lower lip, obviously torn over what to say. "He has… proof.  Linking me to the Reds. I let my guard down. I was sloppy."   
  
"And now we have to go clean up your mess… why?"   
  
Lark glanced over at Garrus, just as calm and composed as ever. "Because I am willing to give you codes.  The same codes that took Omega down in the first place. Codes that can shut down their entire operation on Omega in two hours, tops. If you make it down to the reactor, you can put a virus into their entire system. It will be a station-wide black out. No communication, no monitoring systems… you can move like a ghost. In and out. You get the code, Aria gets her station, the Alliance gets all of the eezo she can give them."   
  
"And you get your freedom," Shepard finished.   
  
Lark sipped from her espresso cup before nodding. "Precisely. In addition, the Reds are willing to make a generous donation of new weaponry to the Alliance arsenal."   
  
"What kind of weaponry?"   
  
Lark's eyes darted around the café again before she answered. "We've retrofitted our biobombs to only affect synthetics. It's taken the better part of the last year to get the recipe right. It might not wipe out the Reapers, but it would be completely effective against the ground soldiers – the marauders and husks, brutes and banshees."   
  
Shepard glanced over at Garrus. The look on his face was one of pure malice. "It sounds too good to be true," Shepard murmured.   
  
Lark chuckled, her voice like tinkling bells. "No, Shepard, it's nowhere close to enough. For my freedom, I would be willing to give you my beating, bloody heart. Hell, I'd rip it out myself and tie a bow on it."   
  
"That's a little counterproductive, don't you think?" Garrus growled.   
  
Lark's face was angelic as she replied, "Not at all. My heart hasn't been a factor in many, many years."


	12. Wicked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
> 
> Chapter notes: Omega DLC comes into play in this chapter. A quick mention of Shepard's run in with the teenage Tiran Kandros. A quick mention of Aria's daughter. ...Also, Aria's a babe. 
> 
> This chapter's title song is ["Ain't No Rest for the Wicked," by Cage the Elephant.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKtsdZs9LJo) Please enjoy!

Shepard stumbled out of the wreckage of the escape pod, her head ringing and blood in her mouth. She was sure she had swallowed a molar that got knocked out in the jarring landing. She hesitantly tongued the back of her jaw and found the gaping holes where two teeth had busted free.  
  
Shepard was pretty sure the pain would be unbearable if her endorphins and adrenaline hadn't kicked in during the crash-landing onto Omega. As it was, she was dribbling blood all over herself and stumbling.   
  
"Shit, Shepard," Aria whispered, dragging herself out of the pod and getting a look at the commander. "This isn't how I planned this." It almost sounded like an apology.   
  
"No worries," Shepard managed to murmur, turning politely before spitting out a mouthful of blood. "I died once. Teeth are nothing. Just don't let me fall asleep and the concussion should be okay."   
  
"That's the spirit," Aria replied, though she didn't sound too enthusiastic. She reached back and pulled out her submachine gun, checking the barrel for any damage.   
  
Shepard decided to be a little unorthodox and pulled out her pistol. "Lead the way, Aria."   
  
"With pleasure," she breathed, breaking into a swift jog, boots thumping heavily along the walkways. 

 

* * *

  
  
Shepard had a strange affection for Aria in spite of the asari's utterly terrifying behavior.  Aria's lack of hesitation was one of the things Shepard admired the most. The woman commanded her men in the way Citadel councilors ordered coffee – authoritative, no-nonsense. She didn't stumble around Shepard in an aim to please, nor did she keep Shepard shut out of things. She was quick to bring Shepard into conversations and even, on many occasions, asked her opinion.   
  
"Well?" Aria asked, voice soft as she peered over the top of her steepled fingers. They were sitting, finally, in one of the bases Aria's men had set up for them. They were taking a much-needed break while medics worked on Aria's numerous bullet holes and Shepard's dislocated left shoulder. "What are your thoughts on Nyreen?"   
  
"I know you have a history with her," Shepard began, wincing at the medic set her shoulder back into place. She breathed deeply for a few minutes, doing her best not to cry out against the pain. The medic was quick to inject medi-gel directly into the muscle to reduce inflammation and promote faster healing. "I just don't think she's telling us the full truth," Shepard finally finished.   
  
Aria's face was impassive as her medics tore out slugs from her shoulder and stitched the wounds together. "Even when Nyreen and I were together, she never told me the full truth."   
  
"Sounds like a healthy relationship," Shepard murmured.   
  
Aria's eyes narrowed and, at first, Shepard expected to be biotic slammed into the back wall. A half smile spread on her lovely face after a moment, however. "No, I suppose not. But then, what relationship can be considered healthy? We're all using each other for one thing or another. To stem the loneliness, to keep warm at night, to feel something we claim is real… when how do we ever know?"   
  
Shepard sat up a little straighter, brows arched. "Aria, I never took you for a philosopher."   
  
Aria chuckled mirthlessly. "After close to a thousand years, you have no choice in the matter."   
  
"Aria!" some called from behind them.   
  
Aria turned her head, glancing back to where Bray had rushed up, looking more flustered than Shepard realized batarians were capable of.   
  
"What is it?" Aria sighed. The tone of her voice suggested she already knew.   
  
"I only looked away for a minute-"   
  
Aria was standing in an instant, the medics falling back quickly and stumbling to get out of her path. "You lost her? How could you lose her, we're in a goddamn bunker!"   
  
"I turned away for a minute and when I looked back she was gone!"   
  
Aria's jaw clenched and she muttered, "Get out of my sight before I do something I'll regret." Bray didn't need to be told twice. He turned and ran back toward the other mercs under Aria's banner, all of whom seemed very busy with polishing their guns or armor.   
  
"Nyreen?" Shepard guessed.   
  
"Gone," Aria sighed, sinking back into her chair. The medics returned hesitantly, like butterflies alighting on a branch. "This bunker has five different access points, three of which are hidden. Unfortunately, Nyreen Kandros knows all of them."   
  
Shepard’s blood ran cold  “Kandros?”

Aria was surprised enough to look suspicious.  “Do you know a Kandros, Shepard?  Maybe a distant cousin of your Vakarian clan?”

Shepard swallowed and attempted to change the subject.  She didn’t need to mention that, as a kid running with the Reds, she had nearly killed a Kandros.  Tiran.  A young turian, not too much older than Shepard had been.  He had been in Seattle with his military family.  He hadn’t done anything - nothing aside from being in the wrong place at the wrong time.  "It’s nothing. Do you think she's a spy? Working with Petrovsky?"

Aria shrugged and didn’t press Shepard’s sudden weirdness, acting as if she didn't have the energy to think about it. "Once I'm done here, we have to keep moving. If the Talon gang is still in the same spot, we have about an hour hike through bombed out commercial district."  
  
Shepard nodded, picking up her breastplate and fastening it over her again. "I'm ready when you are."   
  
Aria was silent for a moment before meeting Shepard's eyes. "I don't know why you agreed to do this… I certainly don't know why you've let me call all of the shots. You're the golden child of the Citadel, after all."   
  
Shepard smiled, but she knew there was no warmth behind it. "We're in some desperate times. Besides, I have my own reasons. If they become relevant, I'll let you know."   
  
Aria nodded and didn't press the matter.   


* * *

  
"So, you're the leader of Talon?"   
  
Aria's voice sounded annoyed, even over the crackling comm link. Shepard had never been a fan of talking during a fight – she liked to keep her mind focused and tuned in on nothing other than her scope. Her desire for less comm chatter might have been because she had only recently become proficient with the rifle, though. God knew Garrus didn't have an issue with talking while staring down a scope.   
  
The thought made her smile and she almost missed Nyreen's cool reply of, "It would appear so, wouldn't it?"   
  
The female turian was something else. The first thing Shepard had thought of when she had seen her is how eerily familiar, and yet not, Nyreen looked. Nyreen had the same small, sharp features that Solana did, however, Nyreen's mandibles were strong and swiped backward from her face in an aggressive arch. Nyreen's head crests were smaller, less defined.   
  
She was beautiful and Shepard could see what had attracted Aria. Nyreen was powerful and collected, just as Aria was, but she had a frailty about her that Shepard couldn't quite place. She was decidedly good, and therefore decidedly wrong for Aria.   
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" Aria continued.   
  
"Does it matter?" Nyreen returned hotly. "I needed to see if you were a threat to us or to the civilians. You're not, so now we're working together. Let it go, Ar-"   
  
"Shepard, Atlas, two-o-clock!" Aria interrupted.   
  
Shepard whirled, her rifle already loaded. She stared down the barrel through a haze of smoke that seemed to permeate all of Omega now. She caught sight of the orange reinforced glass and pulled the trigger.   
  
She reloaded while, beside her, Aria lobbed flares at the mechs that seemed to be coming out of the very metalwork of Omega. Nyreen was further down and to their left, tossing lift grenades all over the place, kicking up dust and debris.   
  
Shepard glared down her sights again, trying to get a clear shot at the mech. She could feel the ground shaking under its massive footfalls but couldn't see the damned thing anywhere.   
  
A sudden flare of light parted the smoke and dust, just in time for Shepard to see the missile rocketing toward them.   
  
Shepard grabbed Aria's arm and dragged her down, the pair hugging the floor just as their cover exploded in a mess of concrete and metal. Shepard was dazed, sure that the explosion had set off her concussion or caused even worse trauma.   
  
Aria, however, was up on her feet and pulling Shepard's weight across the ground by her boots, screaming for her to get her heavy ass up. Shepard finally came to when a mech's bullet whizzed by her nose, just grazing the flesh.   
  
Shepard got to her feet and pushed Aria toward the only remaining cover – with Nyreen. "Cover me," she breathed.   
  
"What?" Aria asked, seeming confused. "Shepard, don't be a moron-"   
  
Shepard sighted the mech and sent another bullet into the center of the glass. The orange glass was shattering, spider web cracks lacing out to each side. Shepard could see the panic as it flitted over the Cerberus engineer's face from where he sat inside the Atlas.   
  
Shepard put her gun back and took off at a full run. She could hear Nyreen and Aria calling for her to stop, but she also heard the gunfire that meant they were keeping the rampart mechs off of her back.   
  
The engineer seemed to have gotten his thought process back in order, for he was now raising his missile arm. The gaping hole was glowing a fiery yellow and was aimed right at Shepard.   
  
It was too slow, though.   
  
Shepard launched herself into the air, her omni-blade sliding out and knocking into the weak spot in the dead center of the glass. The engineer writhed as glass exploded around him. Shepard reached into the cockpit, her omni-blade sliding neatly in the seam between his mask and suit. He went slack, body leaning heavily against the harness. Shepard unstrapped him and tossed him out, sliding behind the controls.   
  
"Alright," Shepard murmured to herself, "time to see if I remember how to pilot one of these land models."   
  
Aria and Nyreen gave each other identical looks of confusion just as missiles and bullets began spewing out of the Atlas, obliterating every rampart mech left in the vicinity.   


* * *

  
They were so close. They were almost to Afterlife. Nyreen had skipped out about an hour prior after exchanging some harsh words with Aria. Shepard had taken Aria's side, of course. After all, Aria was the one supplying Shepard with troops and eezo if this whole thing panned out.   
  
"Aria. Can you hear me?”  Nyreen's voice flitted over their comm. link. She sounded pensive, as though deep in thought or reflection.   
  
Aria cleared her throat from where she was crouched beside Shepard, hidden behind a toppled pillar, watching as the civilians of Omega threw themselves into battle outside of Afterlife. "I can hear you."   
  
The line was silent for a time before Nyreen continued. "I told myself that I regretted being with you. For a long time, that's what I said. That I regretted you. But…" she broke off. "How is Liselle?"   
  
Aria closed her eyes. "She died. Murdered. By Cerberus."   
  
More silence.   
  
"I'm sorry. Liselle was… she was a good person. And I think, below everything… I think you are, too. I'm sorry, Aria. I'm sorry it couldn't work between us."   
  
Aria shook her head. Shepard placed a hand gently on Aria's shoulder but Aria brushed it off. "Nyreen, don't be so sentimental. It was fun and then it was done. Stop dwelling. You don't need to worry about my feelings. I stopped paying attention for a moment and Cerberus killed my daughter. I stopped paying attention again and they took my station."   
  
Nyreen didn't answer. Instead, she jumped off of the upper floor balcony, landing gracefully in front of them. Shepard stumbled, shocked. She hadn't realized the Talon leader had been dogging their heels the entire time.   
  
Nyreen's slender body moved like a dancer's as she ran toward the doors of Afterlife, directly into the middle of a crowd of Cerberus troops and their genetically modified experiments.   
  
Shepard wasn't sure what she was seeing at first. She stared in open-mouthed horror as a biotic barrier rose around the group of soldiers, adjutants, and Nyreen. Aria began screaming beside her, but none of what she was saying made sense.   
  
The ground rumbled as the grenade went off inside of the field. The field dropped instantly, leaving a smoking crater in its wake.   
  
Aria threw herself over the pillar, breaking into an all-out run. She dashed through the street, knocking civilians out of her way. Shepard stumbled after her, the shock of Nyreen's sacrifice and her still-muddled brain making her feet slow.   


* * *

  
"I can give you information!" Petrovsky attempted again as Aria's boot landed a firm kick against his ribs. He was reduced to shuddering dry heaving, his body curled into a fetal position. "I can give you so much on Cerberus-"   
  
"I don't give a single fuck about Cerberus," Aria hissed, kicking him again. Her foot connected with a kidney and Petrovsky was writhing in agony, his mouth gaping but no sound coming out. "Cerberus is Shepard's little pet project, not mine."   
  
"But what about the Reds?" Petrovsky tried, muscles spasming. Aria's foot, which had been poised to lash out again, hesitated. "I know all about their leader. I can tell you all about her, about how she set the bombs that took down your defense grid! It was all thanks to The Reds that we-"   
  
Shepard had crossed the room and placed her boot on Petrovsky's throat. He made a sound somewhat like a frog.   
  
Aria looked amused. "So, is this part of your reasons for helping me? The Reds?"   
  
"I don't work with them," Shepard murmured, careful to meet Aria's eyes and let her see the truth. Aria would not hesitate to kill her if she sensed a deception. "The Reds are the ones who kidnapped me back on Palaven last year. Tortured me. Almost killed Garrus."   
  
Aria looked speculative before a small smile curved across her face. "You've never lied to me in the past, Shepard. Your blatant honesty is something I respect about you. Besides, I know all about the Reds and their little Miss Huerta. Stupid bitch," Aria added in an undertone. "I never suspected them of helping here... thank you for the free information, Petrovsky."   
  
Petrovsky croaked again.   
  
"You knew about Huerta?" Shepard pressed. "How?"   
  
"We caught one of her boys trying to smuggle some eezo out of the mines a few months back and he squealed like a piglet. Told me all about Huerta and how they were looking into making some sort of _Reaper killer._ A bomb that could take out synthetics while leaving organics unharmed. They were going to try to sell it to the highest bidder. Thessia, they thought, would pay a pretty penny to protect their home."   
  
Shepard removed her boot from Petrovsky's throat, leaving him to sputter, "I have documents! I have vids!"   
  
"Shut up," Aria snapped. To Shepard, she added, "You knew about this? About the documentation he has?"   
  
Shepard swallowed. "Huerta met with me and convinced me to help her in this one instance."   
  
Aria's smile widened. "Well, well, I see I'm not the only one sullying your reputation these days. I am assuming she promised you those Reaper killers?"   
  
"More like husk killers, but yes. In addition to scientists for the Crucible."   
  
Aria nodded, looking amused. "Well, you helped me out, so here I am, returning the favor."   
  
Aria reached out, grabbing Shepard's pistol and aiming it at Petrovsky. "You shouldn't have fucked with Omega," she murmured, pulling the trigger. She turned her attention over her shoulder, calling, "Bray, incinerate this sad fuck. Don't take anything from the body, got it?" She turned her cool eyes to Shepard. "Get going, you have a war to win and I have a station to whip into shape."

Shepard turned, rubbing her jaw, but Aria shouted, “Shepard, wait.”

Shepard turned and Aria was there in front of her, reaching out to grab Shepard’s neck. Aria pulled her into a bruising kiss, her tongue worming its way into Shepard’s mouth.

When they pulled apart, Aria smirked. “Vakarian mentioned you had a bit of a crush. Thought I'd give you something extra to think about next time he's on top of you.”

Shepard was too stunned for words. 

 

* * *

  
  
Shepard's boot had just made it onto the deck of the Normandy when Traynor rushed up to her, looking harried. "Commander, welcome back! I hate to rush you, but Priscilla Huerta has been waiting for you on vid com for over an hour."   
  
Shepard nodded but stopped immediately, her head spinning at the motion. "Sure. Could you let Michel know I'll be down to see her in a bit? I knocked out a few teeth… and I have a concussion."   
  
Traynor looked alarmed. "Ma'am, I don't mean to downplay the importance of UNAS, but don't you think you should see Michel first?"   
  
Shepard shrugged, unclipping her breastplate. "I took over a Cerberus-run space station with it, I'm sure talking to Lar…Huerta… will be okay."   
  
Shepard made her way back to the vid com room, mind foggy. Now that the adrenaline was out of her system, Shepard felt weak and her jaw was beginning to pulsate in pain. When she finally made it to the blue figure waiting for her, Lark made a face.   
  
"You look like hell, Shepard."   
  
"You've seen me looking worse," Shepard reminded.   
  
Lark cocked an eyebrow. "I am sure I don't know what you're talking about." She was in a perfect dress of pale blue and she was using her television voice – someone else must have been in the room. "I just wanted to see that your most current mission went according to plan?"   
  
"It did," Shepard intoned. "Petrovsky was killed in action, so I apologize we didn't have to chance to hand him over to Alliance for questioning."   
  
Lark's smile was like a sunrise. "Oh, Commander, I am sure you did everything you could. The important thing is that we have all of those new resources from Miss T'Loak. I see she is also sending some experimental explosives that target synthetic compounds."   
  
Shepard nodded, too tired to play along anymore. "Thanks for the call."   
  
"Get some rest, Shepard," Lark said sweetly. "We need you one-hundred percent!"   
  
"End transmission," Shepard grunted, turning away so she didn't have to see the faux-sincerity any longer. 

 


	13. Sea Chanty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
> 
>  **Chapter Warning:** Unwitting suicide attempt.
> 
> This chapter's title song is ["A Sea Chanty of Sorts," by Margot & The Nuclear So and Sos.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eqfiu1FJMaA) Please enjoy!

Kasumi Goto had never been one to take stock in nightmares. She had never been one to have nightmares, either. And yet for the past two weeks, she awoke in a cold sweat, sobbing, her chest heaving with shuddering breaths. She could never place what it was she was so terrified of - being terrified wasn't something Goto was accustomed to, especially not when it came to things as silly as bad dreams.   
  
But there was something she was forgetting. It was there in the back of her mind, flitting between the blackness and the heat of her subconscious; the thing that gave her these dreams. She tried her best to call it forward, to enter those trance-like meditations Keiji had tried to teach her and Thane had urged her to master. She calmed her breathing, the hot tear tracks on her cheek cooling and drying.   
  
There was something there, edging closer, becoming less translucent and more real. Kasumi breathed slowly and deeply through her nose, letting the air tickle out between her lips. It was there. The thing that haunted her in the depths of her dreams, when she was most vulnerable to its attacks.   
  
It was blue. As blue as the depths of the ocean, and just as unfathomable. The blue was laced with green which seemed to ebb and flow, getting stronger, stronger, until it faded back into the blue.   
  
Kasumi could feel her body shaking. Her hands were trembling, but she didn't pay them any attention. She was calm on the inside, calm as she faced down the blue depth that made absolutely no sense, and yet seemed to answer all of the questions she had been left with over the past weeks.   
  
She ignored her hands, didn't pay them any heed as they reached out, still trembling. She pushed further into the recesses of her mind, chasing the thing that did not want to be chased.   
  
She wasn't sure how long it took of internally searching before she finally pulled back with no more answers to her millions of questions. Her sharp focus was fading swiftly, being replaced by fuzzy spots and the warmth that came with being surrounded by friends and confidantes.   
  
She blinked out of her reverie, expecting the fuzziness to fade away. But it didn't. Her mind was losing its grip on everything and she couldn't pull it back. She couldn't focus on anything, and soon the fuzziness was entering her vision, as well.   
  
She opened her mouth, not even sure what she was going to say. Her mouth gaped and she began trembling, suddenly colder than she ever remembered being. She glanced down and saw the blood. Confusion filled her body as her stomach somersaulted and clenched.   
  
She stumbled from her bed and fell wetly. Her wrists were shimmering in blood, which spilled across the metal floor. Kasumi opened her mouth again, this time to call for help, but all she managed was a strangled sob as the blue thing at the back of her mind flooded her vision, washing her consciousness away.   
  


* * *

  
Liara was the one to wake Shepard. Shepard knew that something was wrong when Liara barged into the cabin, her eyes wild and her mouth opened in wordless panic.   
  
"What happened? Cerberus?" Shepard asked quickly, not even bothering with decorum as she flung herself out of bed, pulling a shirt and leggings on over her bare skin.   
  
"No, Shepard, It's Kasumi. She's... she's in the medical bay."   
  
Garrus was rousing from the bed now, his sharp eyes already keenly focused on Liara. "What happened to her?"   
  
Liara opened her mouth and closed it again as if attempting to compose herself. "We don't know."   
  
"What do you mean, you don't know?" Shepard repeated, feeling her temper flaring. 

Garrus watched her carefully - her moods had been out of whack ever since her decompression sickness. Garrus was still wary about that, her newly found temper, even though Michel assured him she was fine.

Liara's brow furrowed and she let out a sigh which sounded more like a huff. "Her wrists were slit. James found her when he went in for a drink.  She lost a lot of blood-"   
  
Shepard didn't even wait to hear the rest of it - she was out the door, her feet slamming heavily on the floor in her hasty retreat.   
  
Liara let out a soft groan and glanced over at Garrus who was still sitting in the bed. "No matter what I say to her recently, she's always flying out of the room."   
  
Garrus shrugged and murmured, "It's not you, Liara. Shepard is... stressed."   
  
"Who isn't?" she muttered, seeming much darker than the shy, pleasant asari that Garrus had grown fond of. She softened then and added, "You're right, I can't even begin to imagine how heavily this is weighing on her. With Earth being overrun, and Palaven," she added, shaking her head. "She has very few things she loves and only one of those things is safe."   
  
Garrus smiled, grateful for her words. "So...?"   
  
"Oh, Goddess, yes," Liara started, looking ashamed. "I should go down and try to see if Michel needs anything else. Will you be coming?"   
  
"Once I put pants on," he chuckled, staring at her meaningfully.   
  
Liara flushed and turned away, heading for the door. "Goddess, Garrus, you could have said something sooner!" She left in an embarrassed shuffle, which made Garrus chuckle to himself before the gravity of the situation finally hit him.   
  
Kasumi, Shepard's closest female friend, had tried to kill herself.   
  
Garrus quickly stepped into a pair of civilian clothes and ran to the elevator, a talon scratching against the Crew Deck button.   
  


* * *

  
Kasumi's eyelids parted and she took in the sight of a disheveled Shepard and an always attentive Garrus.   
  
"Kasumi," Shepard whispered, her voice sounding distant and far away. She came closer, leaning in on the bed and running a hand through Kasumi's hair. "How are you feeling? Do you need more medi-gel? More painkillers?"   
  
"What happened?" Kasumi croaked, not recognizing her own voice. It cracked and no matter how many times Kasumi tried to clear her throat, it felt like her mouth was full of cotton.   
  
Garrus came forward with a glass of water and straw, handing them to Shepard. Like a nurse, she gently placed the straw to Kasumi's lips and waited a few moment, taking the water back before Kasumi was done. "You can't have too much water, doctor's orders," Shepard murmured, handing the glass back to Garrus.   
  
"No one was ever killed from too much water," Kasumi groaned.   
  
"Actually, a lot of people have been," Shepard smiled sadly, her hand back in Kasumi's hair, smoothing it away from her brow. They were silent for a long while before Garrus excused himself from the room, leaving Shepard and Kasumi alone.   
  
"What happened, Kasumi?" Shepard asked gently.   
  
Kasumi glanced down and saw her hands, so pale and neatly bandaged at the wrists. There was a haze of pink, the hint of blood, on the gauze.   
  
"I didn't do it," Kasumi replied simply.   
  
Shepard closed her eyes and Kasumi realized that there were tears on her cheeks. "Kasumi, don't lie to me."   
  
"I didn't do it, Shepard," Kasumi repeated, a little bit of venom entering her voice. "Why the hell would I do this to myself? I don't..." she closed her eyes, not wanting to see the way Shepard was watching her. As if she didn't believe a word that came out of Kasumi's mouth.  As if Kasumi was under a microscope. "I've been having nightmares. I was trying to meditate, trying to figure out what kept bothering me. And then when I came to I was…."  She broke off, her eyes finally opening and moving to Shepard.   
  
Shepard didn't seem to think she was lying anymore - in fact, Shepard looked horrified. "Kasumi, look at me." Shepard bent lower and reached out, placing her fingers just above Kasumi's eyelid and pulling it up. She took in a sharp breath before pulling away. "Kasumi. Your pupils are ragged."   
  
Kasumi closed her eyes again as everything clicked into place. The blue thing she kept picturing. It was one of the orbs. She had somehow come in contact with one of the Leviathan orbs, but....  “I wasn't even on the mission,” Kasumi whispered.    
  
"Kasumi, can you think of anything?  Anything that happened before... this?"   
  
"I don't know anything, really," she murmured past a throat that felt intent on suffocating her, "but I'll tell you all I know."    
  


* * *

  
  
He didn't know who else to turn to and she understood that. She had been a great friend to him, a close confidante. At times, she had felt that maybe there was something more in their future than just being friends. It soon proved to be a foolish notion - he had always been too enamored with Shepard to give her that kind of attention.   
  
No one forgets their first crush. It was like that for Tali'Zorah vas Normandy. Even now, with all that had happened, with her new life and her new position on the Admiralty Board... she could still remember the slight pangs of adoration and regret whenever she watched him sitting at dinner, laughing with Shepard and the others, hanging on every word the commander uttered. It was hard to forget youthful pining.   
  
So when the ping came through from Garrus, asking if she had a moment to talk, Tali felt the ache start anew. She felt guilty at how quickly she replied, giving him an affirmative to call. After all, she was older now, she and Kal'Reegar were bondmates, and things were different.    
  
The call came through swiftly and Tali answered too eagerly. "Garrus! How are things?"   
  
"They've been better," Garrus sighed. "I was just hoping I could talk. Shepard's got so much on her plate, I don't want to add my troubles to it. Spirits, she's facing down Reapers and indoctrination left and right. Kasumi's back on board, but I don't know if we can actively use her after-”    
  
"What happened?" Tali breathed, feeling her heart plummeting.   
  
Garrus ran through an abridged version of their efforts, glossing over the less savory details of Shepard's moods and shooting Kaidan, along with Kasumi's near death.   
  
"If she is indoctrinated by Leviathan, wouldn't there have to be an orb there somewhere?" Tali asked when Garrus came to the close of his story. "If there is an orb on board, you need to find it quickly! Who knows what would happen if Shepard or,  _ keelah, if Joker _ became indoctrinated. Joker could fly you all into a black hole and-"   
  
"I know," Garrus interrupted her frantic speech, his voice like a strong drink after a long day. 

Tali shook herself, trying to stay focused past the out of whack hormones coursing through her.

"It must not be the full orb is the only thing I can think of, or else we would all be going nuts. We could really use you and your tech expertise on this, Tali. Kasumi won't be of any help to us if she's being controlled."   
  
Tali worried her lip from inside her mask. "Garrus, I can't. I have... new responsibilities here with the Fleet. I can't just drop this and come running to-" She paused before adding, "I know this isn't the time or the place, but could you talk Shepard into coming out here? To Rannoch? If you can help us against the geth, then I can of course help with the Normandy."   
  
Garrus sighed heavily. "I thought for sure those reports were false. You're really trying to take back your homeworld in the middle of a Reaper invasion?"   
  
Tali felt the sting of his words and mentally recoiled. "It wasn't my choice, Garrus! And our people have gone long enough without our home-"   
  
"You'd win your homeworld back, just to have the Reapers come and destroy it with you on it?" Garrus snapped. He took a deep breath and apologized. Tali could see him in her mind's eye, running a taloned hand over his face, his mandibles flicking in annoyance. "Sorry, Tali, I shouldn't... I guess we're all on edge. I'll talk to Shepard."   
  
"Thanks, Garrus," Tali replied softly. "Good luck... If we don't see one another before the end."   
  
She expected him to tell her not to be so final. She expected him to tell her she was being pessimistic. The line was silent and she almost thought he had disconnected from the call. After a time, though, he murmured, "Thanks, Tali. You too."   
  


* * *

  
Garrus had just ended the call when Shepard came into the cabin, looking harried. "I got a call from Hackett. Evidently, the stuff we heard about the quarians and geth is true. They've gone completely insane and are battling it out for Rannoch."   
  
Garrus nodded. "I just spoke to Tali. She asked for our help."   
  
Shepard closed her eyes and Garrus watched her lips silently count down from ten. When she opened them, she looked tired and defeated. "We need their fleets. If we can get the quarians behind us-"   
  
Garrus nodded. "Say no more. I'll send her a message and let her know we're on our way."   
  
Shepard sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "Remind me why we're doing all of this shit again?"   
  
"We want to live," Garrus replied, his voice flanging with tenderness. "We want to get a house on the beach and maybe adopt some krogan to raise. Maybe a varren or two. And then we want to grow old together."   
  
Shepard grinned, going to him and wrapping her arms around his waist. She pressed her face into his cowl, listening to the deep thrumming of his heart. He encircled her in his arms, enveloping her in the smell that was uniquely his own; gunmetal, medi-gel, and something soft and velvety. "That's right. Thank God I have you around to remind me."   



	14. Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
> 
> This chapter's title song is ["Stars," by The XX.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyIHQsP9xIE) Please enjoy!

Shepard couldn't breathe. She knew Tali and Garrus were standing behind her, watching, waiting, expecting her to take that first step, and then the next, until she was across the pitted metal and into the geth dreadnought.   
  
But she couldn't. Her legs refused to move. She looked out into the deep expanse of stars and the flashes of yellow and orange streaking past, reminding her so much of the crumbling Normandy SR-1 that she was reduced to weak knees and shallow breathing. It might not have been collector beams streaking by, only firepower from the geth and quarian forces, but the sentiment was the same.   
  
God, if Anderson or Hackett could see her now. This was their savior, their last hope in this war, and she was nearly crying because of the weight of space crushing in around her, the weight of knowing that the slightest slip, the slightest misstep… and she would be gone. Just like before.   
  
"Shepard." Garrus. "We need to get moving."   
  
"I know," she replied softly.   
  
"I'm right here, Shepard. I have a supply line. If anything happens, I am coming right after you."   
  
"I know," she repeated, squeezing her eyes shut.   
  
There was silence for a moment before Shepard felt the weight of Garrus' hand on her shoulder. She turned. She couldn't make out his features through his mask, but she could hear him breathing over their shared comm line. She could feel his hand through their combined armor and knew that he was there for her, every step she took.   
  
But even so, the black vastness of space dragged out around her and made his hand feel insignificant.   
  
Shepard swallowed past her fear and turned back to the docking tube. She forced herself to breathe as she took one step. And then another. And another.   
  
She walked slowly, listening to the sound of her own breath as she hyperventilated. Holes were punched through the docking tube at random intervals, too large to jump over but large enough to swallow her whole if she slipped.   
  
There was a soft click and Shepard jolted, realizing someone had disconnected from the comm. line. Before she could cry out to Garrus and lose whatever spotty control over herself she had, she heard his voice. Garrus began humming something in her ear, soothing and unhurriedly. Shepard paused, listening, her heart creating a thundering drum beat to his voice. The tune was soft and lilting, like a lullaby.    
  
Shepard's breathing slowed as she listened to Garrus humming gently over their connection. His subharmonics flanged tenderly, caressing her in the sound of his voice and his love. Her feet began moving as she grappled with walking further up the tubing and around the holes that could easily empty her into the endless pit of space.   
  
She took measured steps, bringing herself closer and closer to the dreadnought. With Garrus' voice in her ear, she could almost ignore the frigates around them, blasting shot after shot toward the other dreadnoughts. She could almost forget that at any moment, at any time, the docking tube below her could be blown out from under her feet.   
  
She took a few more steps and the hatch was looming before her, no more than ten meters ahead. She quickened her pace, her shoes clunking heavily on the tube as she walked, spurred on by Garrus' comforting voice.   
  
And then the humming stopped at the same time the entire tube shifted to the left, a dramatic crunching noise echoing through Shepard's ears.   
  
"Shepard! Move!"   
  
Shepard's terror was pushed aside by the soldier in her. She rushed the other end of the tube, toward the hatch, closing the few meters as quickly as she could. She felt the ground falling out beneath her and let out a tiny yelp of panic, just as she leaped off and rolled, hitting the Dreadnought hatch heavily with her shoulder and barreling through the jarred door frame.   
  
There was a telltale click of Tali rejoining their line, her voice frantic. "Shepard! Are you alright?"   
  
"Fine," Shepard breathed, shaking her head past the dizziness that swam around in her brain. "I'm fine. Made it inside. I'll try to find another hatch."   
  
"According to my scans, there should be one just west of us," Tali said, her voice still sounding shaken up. "There will be some kind of control panel in the next room."   
  
"Got it," Shepard replied. She picked her way through rubble and wiring, discarded tubing and broken machinery. She found a few credits scattered about - how they had gotten on the Dreadnought she would probably never know -, as well as a gun mod for Tali. She pocketed the items quickly before moving into the next room.   
  
The preliminary scan of the room showed control panel after control panel stretching out along the curves catwalks zigzagging through the room.   
  
There was something beginning to buzz at the base of her skull, like the start of a terrible migraine. She winced and wanted nothing more than to take her helmet off and rub her temples. Self-preservation in the face of the vacuum kept her from acting out on it, though. "I've got about three dozen control panels in here, Tali. Any idea which one I'm looking for?" Shepard pressed.   
  
Tali was quiet for a moment before grousing, "No, I have no intel on that. You might be able to find a legend or map there in one of the terminals?"   
  
Shepard stifled a groan and began moving between the terminals, checking each of their bright, holographic data feeds. Most of them seemed to be running simply to keep processes moving, as if one of them went down it would short-circuit a quadrant of lighting, or data, or even the geth themselves.   
  
"Don't press anything unless you're sure it will open the hatch," Tali warned, just as Shepard's hand hovered over a  _ disconnect _ button. Shepard blinked, shaken out of her thoughts, and couldn't recall the idea to press the button.   
  
"Right," Shepard murmured. The roar of blood rushing through her ears was deafening. She pulled her hand away, gloved fingers curling in on themselves, and stared at the terminal. What had she been doing? What had she almost done?   
  
She shook herself, trying to focus on the task at hand before she got them all killed. She scanned over the terminals, eyes flickering over the consoles' bleeping letters and numbers.   
  
The workstation she was looking for obviously wasn't on the ground floor so she took a ladder up to a second floor where only one console sat, blinking expectantly. She went to it and, thankfully, found the message she had been looking for. Open Forward Hatch? glowed eagerly, binary codes running below it in quick sequences that Shepard wasn't even about to try to follow.   
  
"Found it," Shepard alerted them. "Get ready, I'm opening up the hatch."   
  
Shepard flicked her finger against the holo-button and the ground began to rumble as the entry hatch on the other side of the massive hangar swung open like an oiled gate. A docking tube had already extended out from the hatch, stretching far into space and giving the Normandy a perfect spot to dock.   
  
"We're starting to take fire, Shepard," Joker warned over the link. "We can't stick around here."   
  
"Once Tali and Garrus are over, get back to the Fleet and give them support. Be ready to come back in for us if this goes south, though."   
  
"Copy that, Commander," Joker replied. His tone was serious; he was in his zone and there was not going to be any kind of banter or guffaws.   
  
The niggling at the base of Shepard's skull worsened, growing stronger, and she winced as she rejoined her crew on the lower deck. Tali reached out to her, fingers gently scraping against Shepard's shoulder as a sympathetic gesture. "You did great, Shepard. I only wish the tube hadn't chosen that moment to disintegrate."   
  
"Better that moment than any of the ones prior," Shepard tried to joke, but her voice seemed hollow. Tali didn't seem to notice as she whispered  _ Keelah _ while vehemently shaking her head.   
  
"Let's get moving," Shepard insisted, gritting her teeth past the flare of pain that blossomed in and around her head. "The sooner we sabotage this thing, the sooner we leave."   
  


* * *

  
Things had fallen apart. Things seemed to do that frequently in recent times. Shepard had been able to disable the Reaper commands that had been broadcasted to the geth, however, the quarians had taken it upon themselves to fight instead of taking to flight, as originally planned.  
  
That option wouldn't have been altogether surprising, or unreasonable, in Shepard's mind. Except for the fact that she, Garrus, and Tali were inside one of the vessels that the quarians were shooting at.  
  
Shepard was a little amazed they had made it out in one piece. Granted, there would have been no way they would have made it if it wasn't for one particular stroke of amazing luck.  
  
Legion.  
  
Shepard had never expected to see it again – had honestly never even really thought about it since they parted ways. She had been too busy fighting for her life in Huerta after the Collector Base to ask where it had gone, and no one else seemed to have noticed its departure, either. She knew she should probably feel bad for forgetting one of her men – geth - so quickly; but as it was, her head felt like it was shattering into a million pieces as they zoomed through space in their stolen geth fighter.  
  
"I think I'm going to be sick," Shepard whispered, doing her best not to focus on how cramped the cargo area they were crammed into felt. She closed her eyes, trying to think of happy things. The black sand beaches of Palaven, varren pups running through fields of poppies….   
  
"Our apologies, Commander," Legion began, its voice squealing mechanically, grating on every nerve Shepard had. "The cargo space was never designed to haul a turian, human, and quarian. Perhaps there is an adjusting lever on our seat-"  
  
"Just get us to the Normandy quickly," Garrus took over before Shepard snapped. He gently ran a hand over her arm and she jumped as if startled and teetered from where she was perched on his left knee.  
  
Her legs were tangled with Tali's, who was balanced on Garrus' other knee, which kept her from toppling onto the floor. Tali made a strange clicking noise which sounded harsh through her mask's filter. She reached out to Shepard, steadying the commander.  
  
"Shepard, you should go see Michel," she murmured gently. "I think the trauma of the docking tube-"  
  
"Not now, Tali," Shepard moaned.  
  
Tali fell silent.  
  
The geth fighter finally arrived in the shuttle bay of the Normandy and the hatch couldn't have opened fast enough. Shepard practically launched herself out of the cargo hold and onto the shuttle bay's floor, stumbling as she made her way to the equipment lockers.  
  
James glanced up from where he was lifting a massive dumbbell, looking like he was in the middle of a rep of curls. "Lola, _estas_ _bien?"_  
  
Shepard waved him off weakly as she moved to her locker, pulling her helmet off and gulping air. She was instantly feeling better, the pain in the base of her skull receding. By the time she got her chest plate and greaves off, the pain was only a dull throb.  
  
"Yo, Sparks, what's up with Lola?" James continued. He dropped the dumbbell, seeming more interested in the drama that was unfolding in front of him. "And what the hell is going on with this ship? What, did you decide to hijack a - _what the holy hell is that?"_  
  
Shepard glanced over, completely forgetting Legion's appearance might be met with some apprehension. "James, cool it. That's Legion - it’s a friend."  
  
The look on James' face was almost comical. He looked from Legion to Shepard, and then over to where Tali was climbing out of the cargo pit. "Why don't I ever get to go on the good missions?"  
  
"That bosh'tet fired at us! While we were still on the ship!" Tali fumed, ignoring James as she dropped to the ground and marching toward the elevator. "This is not how we planned things!"  
  
Garrus was next to clamber out of the ship. He had already removed his helmet by the time he got to Shepard, dropping it into his locker. He stripped out of his armor and changed into his civilian clothing before turning to her. "Shepard, what you did back there… with the docking tube-"  
  
Shepard held a hand up, silencing him. "I'm awesome and not a coward at all, even though I feel like one. Got it. Now, I have to go have a word with the Admirals and attempt not to punch anyone. Then get something for this headache. And then figure out how to win these wars before I go fucking insane."  
  
She stood on her tiptoes, kissed Garrus' scarred mandible, and then began marching toward the elevator.  
  
Garrus glanced over at James who was watching Shepard's retreating back. James then glanced over at Legion again, then Garrus, before rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. "I would ask, but sounds like I would have had to have been there for it to make any kind of sense."  
  
"I was there and it still doesn't make any sense," Garrus groused, mandibles clicking. "Come on, Legion. Let's see where we can put you so the Admirals don't try to tear you apart and study you."  
  
"That would be preferable," Legion replied simply.  
  
"It talks?" James asked, blinking. Garrus didn't respond, only moved toward the elevator, Legion's squeaky left knee joint alerting him that the geth was following. Behind him, James still seemed amazed.  
  
"Estaban! You see this shit? The geth _talks!"_ __  
  


* * *

  
Garrus entered the war room just in time to see Shepard's fist connect with one of the quarian's face masks. The quarian went stumbling, floundering on the central console, his head interrupting the smooth holo-lines of the Crucible's progress.   
  
"That's enough!" another quarian – Garrus was pretty sure it was Raan, Tali's family friend – cried out angrily. "Commander, you have proven your point! Gerrel acted poorly and his actions will be reviewed once our homeworld is retaken-"   
  
"How many civilian fleets did you save?" Shepard screamed. It wasn't the usual battlefield shout or the yelling he was used to – there was unadulterated malice in her voice. "You told me you were doing this to  _ save people!  _ So how many of them did you save?"   
  
"There were a number that crash landed onto Rannoch, however at the moment casualties seem low-"   
  
"At the moment?  _ Seem _ low?" Shepard threw her hands into the air. When Gerrel attempted to stand, she pushed her boot into his chest and forced him back down.   
  
"Shepard-" Tali began, her voice wavering. Garrus wasn't sure, but it almost sounded as though she was scared of the commander.    
  
"So now what?" Shepard continued, her voice lowering a fraction but every bit as hot and biting. "Now what do you want me to do? Go down there onto Rannoch, which is teeming with husks and potentially hostile geth, and fight my way toward your people who would already be safe if you had retreated like we planned?"   
  
The war room was silent. The only sound Garrus could hear was Gerrel's ragged, angry breaths as he splayed across the map.   
  
And then Shepard swayed. The movement was so slight that Garrus might not have noticed it immediately if she hadn't reached up, cradling her head in a trembling hand.   
  
"Shepard?" Tali whispered.   
  
Shepard looked up, her eyes meeting Tali's glowing ones, and Shepard shook her head. "I am not the savior you all think I am." She turned on her heel and marched out the door, not even acknowledging Garrus or Legion.   
  
"A geth?" one of the other admirals broke the silence – Xen.   
  
"An old friend," Garrus said quickly before the quarians could get any ideas. The sudden interest in Xen's voice was unnerving. "It is here to help. Shepard would be very…  _ displeased…  _ if any harm came to it."   
  
"The Commander is out of line!" Gerrel raged, suddenly finding his backbone. "How can we trust-"   
  
"I can vouch for it," Tali spoke up, her voice suddenly firm and resolute. She was standing up to the others and being the admiral she wanted to be. Garrus was proud of her in that moment, of all she had become. "It fought alongside us against the Collectors. And now it chooses to fight alongside us against the geth."   
  
Legion stepped forward, lowering its head in what seemed like gratitude. "Thank you, Creator Tali'Zorah. We are pleased to work with you again." To the others, it began, "You have stopped the Reaper code from the Dreadnought, but there is still a remote-access facility on Rannoch."   
  
Tali closed her eyes, the glow fading behind her mask. "So that means…?"   
  
"That means we are not out of the woods yet," Raan whispered. She turned toward Garrus. "Will the Commander be well enough to help us one more time?"   
  
"One more time?" Garrus chuckled humorlessly. "Don't make promises you aren't able to keep, Admiral. I have a feeling you will be asking much more of Shepard than any reasonable person would agree to." He felt a lump of fear growing in his throat, an uncomfortable weight in his stomach. He wasn't sure what had caused Shepard's breakdown in the middle of the war room, and he wasn't sure if it was something she could cool down from. It had looked serious.   
  
"I'll talk to her," Garrus said finally. "I make no promises."   
  
"If she wants our fleets-" Gerrel began harshly.   
  
"Shut up, you pyjak," Tali retorted hotly, eyes narrowed.   
  
"Tali," Raan chided gently. To Gerrel she added, "Perhaps you should take a few moments to collect yourself and return to us then. You could try to hail Admiral Koris, perhaps?" Gerrel seethed quietly before turning on his heel and heading into the communications room.   
  
Garrus took the moment to depart, leaving Legion in the capable hands of Tali.   



	15. And Then You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
> 
> This chapter's title song is ["And Then You," by Greg Laswell.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxHFokrqEF0) Please enjoy!

Shepard had been dreaming again. There were shadows in her mind; large, inhuman shapes moving against a starless sky. The reapers, but different. Less skeletal and calculated; organic, not synthetic.   
  
**You are losing this war.**   
  
The words echoed in her bones and made her heart stutter. Each syllable seemed to wrap around her throat and squeeze.   
  
_ We will win. _   
  
**No,** it contradicted her.  **You will die. You cannot even keep yourself healthy. You cannot even keep yourself under control. Your mind is ours.  It cannot fight us. Everything is slipping away, like water through your fingers.**   
  
_ We will survive. _   
  
**Some, perhaps, for a century or for two. The Reaping is not perfect; but in the end, you will all be lost to give rise to new civilizations.**   
  
_ Then you will be lost, too…. Leviathan. _   
  
There was a stretch of silence before the roar of blood in her ears overtook her, making her shudder.  **We will survive as we always have. Forever eternal. And you will die, your blood and bones and sinew going to new life. It will be beautiful, Shepard.**   
  
_ No, _ Shepard thought venomously.   
  
**Why do you resist?**   
  
Summoning the last bit of strength she could muster past the throbbing in her skull and the vise around her heart, she screamed.  _ No! _   
  
She awoke freezing, lying under the icy spray of her shower, naked and shivering with blood dripping out of her left nostril. She sat up gingerly but couldn't find any sign of trauma on her skull or body. No sign that she had slipped. No sign that she had done anything other than lie down for a little nap in her shower.   
  
She stood and turned off the water, her skin puckered from cold. She stood tentatively, grabbing the sink in order to support herself. When she looked at herself in the mirror, her lips were blue. Her skin was pale - paler than it had ever been - and her eyes were ringed in dark circles. The blood from her nose stood out against all of it, bright and full of life.   
  
And then she noticed her ragged pupils.

 

* * *

  
  
Garrus led the ground team mission to Rannoch to take out a pair of AA guns that had decimated Admiral Koris' fleet. He took Tali and Liara. Tali was an obvious choice for the sheer fact of it being her home world. Liara's biotics weren't much against the Geth, but she was a familiar presence. Without Shepard there to rally the troops, Garrus needed familiar.   
  
"AA gun up ahead," Liara informed over their link. "Want me to take a look at it?"   
  
Garrus had to mentally stop himself from doing the gun work. Although it was a passion to destroy and repair any kind of machinery, Tali needed his assistance with the Geth. Liara was the natural choice to work on the gun.   
  
"Thanks, Liara," he breathed. She moved off to the control panel, her gloved fingers flying over the holographic keys in rapid succession. "Tali, get a drone out there."   
  
"Got it," Tali replied, and Chikktika erupted into being, whirling around them like a spotlight - a deadly spotlight, but a spotlight nonetheless.   
  
Within moments, they were assaulted with gunfire from a Prime on the bluff above them. Garrus cursed as his shield was riddled with bullets. "Take him out!" Garrus called, loading an overload into his omnitool and blasting it toward the monstrosity above them. It fizzled out long before it reached the Prime.   
  
The Prime decided to take mercy on them and dropped down to the catwalk they were on. The force sent Tali pitching sideways, dashing her head on a supply crate and not moving - and leaving Liara's left flank exposed.   
  
"Garrus, I need more time!" Liara called, her voice even but edged with panic. The Prime didn't take long to destroy Chikktika and hone in on Liara. Her shield was weakening. Smaller geth were appearing everywhere, dropping from the bluff above and emerging from the canyon below.   
  
Garrus saw a flash of his men, his crew back on Omega, their corpses riddled with bullets and him the only survivor. He couldn't let that happen again. He couldn't fail Shepard like that - he couldn't fail  _ himself _ like that.   
  
He ran toward Tali, another overload blasting out at the Prime. This time it hit him, it's upgrade creating a temporary explosion and allowing Garrus a few moments to kneel beside Tali. Her omni-tool was up and blinking with a critical warning - head trauma. He set the omni-tool to disperse medi-gel through her suit immediately, hoping she wouldn't be out of commission too long.   
  
The dust from the overload explosion was settling and the Prime was recovering. It raised its gun back toward Liara, whose shields has luckily begun re-weaving the damaged spots. Garrus took aim through his scope, sitting down the barrel at the bright red optic lens.   
  
He breathed out and pulled the trigger.

 

* * *

  
  
"Remember that prothean artifact we found in that volcano?"  
  
"Hmm?" Shepard moaned a response, not bothering to open her eyes.  
  
"When we worked for Cerberus," Kasumi continued. Her voice was contemplative. "We went searching for those doctors through their dig sites on all of those planets and ended up in the middle of an active volcano."  
  
Shepard was quiet for a moment, enjoying the sounds of her companion's soft breathing in the cot across from hers, the tap of Michel's fingernails on the holo keys of her terminal. It was all so soothing. The chaos in her mind was quieted here in the med bay - she could breathe easily.  
  
"You mean Firewalker?"  
  
"Sounds right," Kasumi nodded. She was sitting on her cot cross-legged, painting her fingernails a royal purple. She had been dressed in a white camisole and linen pants.  She looked young - much younger than her 26 years. "So, you remember the relic? That milky glass ball thing?"  
  
Shepard smiled even though the memory chilled her. "I remember it being silver." She also remembered it being roughly the size of the Leviathan orbs she had destroyed.  
  
"Do you think it was somehow… indoctrinating me?"  
  
Shepard took a deep breath and held it for a few moments. "I don't think so, Kasumi. You would have shown signs earlier. The Illusive Man, Miranda, and Mordin said it was harmless, too. Plus, it was in my cabin. You'd think if anyone was…" Shepard's words died on her lips. _You'd think if anyone was indoctrinated, it would have been me._  
  
"I guess so," Kasumi nodded, unfazed. "It's just kind of weird… I didn't even go on those missions to find Leviathan with you. Where could I have…? Oww!"  
  
Shepard sat up. "What happened?"  
  
Kasumi had dropped her nail polish bottle, the floor suddenly slick with purple fluid and glass.  The girl was holding her head, wincing, and Michel was there in an instant. "So cold," she whimpered, shaking her head as if to clear it. "Shep, get out."  
  
Shepard got to her feet and started toward Kasumi, but the girl flung her hand out, sending out a harmless wave of energy that made the hair on Shepard's arms stand on end. "Get back!" she cried, her voice laced with something else. Something dark creeping up along the edges.  
  
Michel was pulling restraints out from under the bed and tied Kasumi's feet down, followed by her arms.  
  
"Don't tie her down, she's fine, she just has a headache-" Shepard began, but Kasumi was shaking her head, dark hair thrashing.  
  
_"The darkness has been breached!"_ she screeched in a voice that was not her own. _"Shepard's_ _life is ours!"_  
  
Michel thrust a needle into the bend of Kasumi's elbow, and soon Kasumi was still, breathing slowly and calmly. There was no sign of the rabid mania that has consumed her seconds before.  
  
"I think, for now, it's best if you didn't visit her," Michel said softly, pulling the needle from Kasumi's arm. Her face was flushed with adrenaline, green eyes shining. "I'm sorry, Commander."  
  
Shepard shook her head and turned, leaving the med bay. She was running out of places to feel safe in her own ship. She couldn't be alone - it was worse when she was alone. She would black out for minutes -  _hours_ \- at a time. She couldn't be with Kasumi, her closest friend, because Kasumi's indoctrination threatened to reveal Shepard's.  
  
"Commander Shepard," EDI's voice echoed through the main room. "When you have a moment, would you mind if I speak with you in your quarters?"  
  
"Yes," Shepard replied, a little too quickly. "I'm leaving the med bay now - I'll meet you there."  
  
EDI was a bit late getting in, but Shepard was feeling confident that she wouldn't black out in the span of two minutes by herself. Her cabin door dilated and EDI stepped through, her metallic hips having a sway to them that Shepard didn't remember seeing before.  
  
"EDI, you're looking more Miranda-like by the day," she tried to joke, but her voice fell flat.  
  
EDI stopped, clasping her hands behind her back and regarding Shepard coolly. It was sometimes unnerving talking to EDI now that she had a body - she had some slight emotional inflection to her voice, but none of it reached her eyes. "Shepard, I have something to discuss with you. I felt it could not wait any longer, as you might be questioned by your superiors at any time."  
  
Shepard's blood ran cold, but she did her best to keep calm on the outside. She knew EDI was reaching her temperature changes, her heartbeat fluctuations, the sweatiness of her palms. There was no use trying to hide from EDI, but she did it anyway.  
  
"What has you concerned?" Shepard was careful to keep her eyelids partially closed, hooded over her ragged pupils in case EDI was planning on checking those.  
  
"To be very plain, Commander… you." EDI unclasped her hands and instead crossed them over her chest. "From the scans and data collected since your return from Leviathan, I have concluded that you are indoctrinated."  
  
Shepard watched the AI carefully. There was no sign of hostility or aggression, but Shepard still felt as if she was under attack.  “What does this change?"  
  
EDI's lips tilted slightly, but her voice was not amused. "Between us, nothing changes, Shepard. I only wished on convey to you that I have not been blind to your affliction. However, it will not be long before the Alliance comes to the same conclusion I have. Eventually, one of their algorithms will find these discrepancies in my scans and add them up."  
  
"Commander," Traynor's sweet voice filtered over the cabin speaker. "Admirals Anderson and Hackett are on vidcomm for you. They say it's urgent."  
  
Shepard met EDI's eyes, not bothering to hide the jagged shapes that were now her pupils. "Good timing," was all Shepard said before breezing past EDI and toward the door.  



	16. From Afar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
> 
> This chapter's title song is ["From Afar," by Vance Joy.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYUcqmpHJbk) Please enjoy!

Shepard felt like a dead man walking. She came into the CIC just in time to be informed that the dropship was back with Garrus, Liara, Tali, and General Koris. Traynor looked as polite and helpful as she always was – there was no sign that she knew what the Admirals were going to say. What they had found out about Shepard.   
  
She braced herself as she walked through the war room and into the communications wing. She tapped the two flashing line buttons, and soon a holographic Anderson and Hackett stood before her. They looked somber, but they always did. This war had a way of turning everyone's lips down at the corners.   
  
"Admirals," she greeted.   
  
"Formality never suits you, Shepard," Anderson forced a smile.   
  
"We've received some reports that we should have looked over sooner, but…. " Hackett let out a heavy sigh. "As you know, a lot of reports have slid through the cracks recently. Even reports from the Normandy."   
  
Shepard swallowed. Best to keep vague. Best to not offer anything, but also not deny anything. "Sirs."   
  
"We were just looking over some reports from EDI and Doctor Michel," Anderson continued. "After your descent to find Leviathan."

Shepard's heart stuttered.

"We just wanted to see…" he trailed off and shook his head. "Why didn't you tell us, Shepard?"   
  
Shepard looked down for a moment but raised her eyes again to meet his. She needed to be composed. She needed to be strong. "There's a lot that still needs doing, and I'm… I'm the only one I trust to do it."   
  
"You are certainly our largest asset in this war, Commander," Hackett nodded, "but you can't keep these medical problems from us. We need to know when you're out of commission, and decompression sickness with as many adverse side effects as you have had? You should have been out of commission for a week, at a minimum. Flu symptoms, nightmares, abnormally high heart rate, chronic sleeplessness, just to name a few."   
  
Shepard furrowed her eyebrows. _ Decompression sickness? _   "You mean…."   
  
"What Hackett and I mean, Shepard," Anderson continued, looking stern, "Is that we are ordering the Normandy to dry dock for a few a week, minimum. Whatever port you want. Get some rest and take some time to recuperate. We can't have our largest asset working herself to death."   
  
Shepard swallowed and saluted them both. "Understood. After we finish taking back Rannoch, we will dry dock at The Citadel."   
  
They returned her salute and Hackett added, "Take it easy, Shepard. You have a great team – lean on them for these missions. We need you for the endgame."   
  
"Sir."   
  
"Hackett out."   
  
Anderson offered Shepard a smile that seemed more real. "You should listen to him, even though I know you won't."   
  
"I will," Shepard replied softly. "I already sat out a mission on Rannoch today. Garrus led them in and brought an Admiral out safe and well."   
  
Anderson looked pleased. "He's a good man. Good turian. You two are a match made in Heaven." He must have caught Shepard's look of surprise and laughed. "Oh come on, Shepard. I knew you two were going to be more personally involved from the second you brought him into my office all those years ago.  The way he looked at you?  The way you smiled at him? It just took you two thick-skulled soldiers some extra time to figure it out."   
  
"You're too smart for your own good, Anderson," Shepard grinned, a real grin, and then nodded. "How are things there? Have you heard from Kahlee?"   
  
"Yes, we spoke briefly a few days ago. She says Jack and the kids are on the front lines giving hell everywhere they're needed. Not a single casualty."   
  
Shepard nodded, making a mental note to try and track Jack down. She still needed to buy her a drink or two. "I'm glad to hear it. Take care of yourself, Anderson."   
  
"I should be telling you that!" Anderson laughed. "Seriously, Shepard. Get rested up and back in the fight."   
  
"Yes, sir."   
  
The holodeck went dark and Shepard turned back to the war room where Koris was reunited with the other admirals. Garrus and Liara were standing near the door, talking softly with Tali, who was gingerly holding a hand to the back of her head.   
  
Shepard approached them, offering a smile and hooding her eyelids over her eyes as much as she could. "I see it went without a hitch. Great job, guys."   
  
"Thanks to Garrus," Tali said. "I knocked myself out cold in the very beginning. These two had to do the heavy lifting."   
  
"It was all Garrus," Liara confirmed. "I just disabled guns."   
  
"We all did our part," Garrus said humbly before nudging Tali's hip with his. "Well, except for Tali. She was out cold for pretty much the whole mission."   
  
Shepard grinned and looped her arm around Tali, not even caring what the other admirals might think. "Let's get you down to Michel. Koris, any medical attention needed?" she called over her shoulder.   
  
"No, but thank you, Commander," he replied, sounding morose.   
  
As Shepard led Tali out of the war room and toward the elevator, she asked, "So, what has Koris so quiet? I've never seen him without something to say."   
  
"His squad," she explained softly. "They were decimated before we got there. He's taking Gerrel's betrayal very hard. His people would have never had to crash land if it weren't for… well. You know."   
  
Shepard nodded, listening to the whirring of the elevator grating on her nerves. "Did you tell him I decked Gerrel?"   
  
Tali laughed, sounding more like her younger, Pilgrimage self. "I did. He enjoyed that very much. Especially the part where you put your boot on his chest and wouldn't let him get off of the war map."   
  
Shepard laughed, too, and escorted Tali into the med bay. Kasumi was still sedated, looking pale and childish in sleep. The restraints stood out against her ashen skin.   
_   
_ _"Keelah,_ what happened here?" Tali asked, her glowing eyes widening behind her mask.   
  
"A lot of things," Shepard murmured. "She'll be fine, we just need… we just need to figure out how she was indoctrinated."  __ And how to hide that I am, Shepard thought.

 

* * *

 

  
  
Shepard had managed to dodge Garrus rather effectively for the better part of the week. She had been with the Admirals, in talks of how best to go about destroying the Reaper base on Rannoch. Garrus was holed up working on the Thanix Cannon and upgrading the smaller guns.   
  
That, at least, took care of the daytime hours.   
  
She didn't have the heart to change her cabin door to not allow him access at any time, but she'd thought about it. She just couldn't risk him knowing. She couldn't risk him telling someone. To her immense relief, he didn't come to bed until late, when she was already pretending to be asleep.   
  
The night before their attack on the Reaper base on Rannoch, Shepard rolled over and pressed her face into his cowl. "Garrus," she whispered.   
  
"Hmm?" he hummed. She felt a mandible flicker lazily, moving strands of her hair as it did so.   
  
"I need to tell you something." A pain began at the base of her skull - a loud buzzing that wouldn't release her. Leviathan knew what she was trying to do. Leviathan was trying to stop her.   
  
He moved slightly, propping himself up on a taloned hand, his hawk-like eyes alert and focusing on her. "What is it?"   
  
She knew she shouldn't tell him, she shouldn't even be thinking about telling him, but lying to him was weighing on her too heavily.  Hiding things from him had never been her strong suit.  She took a deep breath and opened her eyes, turning them up to him, letting him see the full depths. The secret she had tried, and failed, to hide from him. She already knew what he would see – the jagged darkness of her pupils against the green irises.   
  
"Spirits," he breathed, equal measures terrified and confused. "How?"   
  
"I made a deal with Leviathan," she replied, closing her eyes and shaking her head. The pain erupted in the base of her skull. She winced but kept talking. "Their help to win this war. In exchange, they could have me."   
  
Garrus' expression was horrified as he sat up, legs over the side of the bed, head craned back to stare at her. "Jane-”    
  
"There was nothing else!" she exclaimed, trying her best to find something she could say, something that would appeal to him. The pain had disappeared almost immediately. It seemed as though Leviathan had decided it wasn't worth the trouble to give her a brain aneurysm. She slid to his side of the bed, wanting nothing more than to bury her face into his chest and feel the cold carapace against her burning skull.  "They wouldn't help us without me, without being able to control me. They wouldn't.... There was no other choice. I'm sorry."   
  
Garrus pulled her onto his lap, holding her close. "I know you did everything you could," he said softly, brushing a mandible across the side of her head, pressing his lip plates to her neck. "I trust you, Shepard. I trust you more than I trust myself. I just worry what will happen... what will they do with you once the war is over?"   
  
Shepard chuckled mirthlessly. "I don't know... and that's what scares me."   
  
Garrus was quiet for a moment before he shook his head. "Don't be scared of them. I'll figure something out."   
  
"What is there to figure out?  I can't do anything against them. They can stop me."   
  
"But they can't stop me," Garrus replied roughly, pressing a bruising kiss to Shepard's lips. "They can't have you, Shepard. I won't let them."


	17. Goodnight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
> 
> This chapter's title song is ["Helena," by My Chemical Romance.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCCyoocDxBA) Please enjoy!

Shepard tried desperately to catch her breath as they stepped off the drop ship and onto Rannoch soil, but it felt like the whole world was running out of oxygen. She could hear her companions' breaths, nowhere near as labored as hers, and felt her cheeks burning. She tried her best to get it under control, but her head began buzzing with a lack of oxygen.

"Shepard, are you sure you're up for this?" Tali asked, her voice insect-like over their comm link.

"One more day means more casualties," Shepard wheezed. "We end this war now."

"You could sit this one out, Shepard," Garrus offered. "We can get Vega or Liara to come along. I'm sure they'd love to take down a Reaper base."

"That's enough," Shepard snapped, a little sharper than she intended. "Legion's securing the ride. Let's not keep him waiting."

The three skirted over the dry, cracked earth and stumbled over low-lying brush. Geth were everywhere, and Shepard took no pleasure from lining up her scope and taking out one after another. Most looked like Legion - those were the hardest to pull the trigger on.

_ But we need the quarian fleets, _ Shepard rationalized as one optic lens after another burst or supply line was clipped.

**There's no reason to pity them,** a voice, seeming as old as time, whispered in her mind.  **Their destruction will save you - for another century, maybe two. Until the next fool breathes life into a synthetic.**

Shepard shook her head, trying to clear it. The voice terrified her, but she pushed it to the back of her mind. She couldn't focus on Leviathan right now. She couldn't think about how it was whispering in her mind without her being blacked out, or asleep, or drowning.

She felt something trickling on her face and reached up to her lip. Her fingers came away with blood. "Fuck," she whispered softly.

"Shepard, three o'clock!"

Shepard whirled, her rifle sighted and finger on the trigger. She squeezed, and a bullet flew into the sensory center in the middle of the geth's chest. It exploded with a squeal of machinery, launching flaming bits of shrapnel everywhere.

"I think that was the last of them," Garrus murmured.

"For now," Tali replied.

Shepard wiped her bloody nose and hoped that it looked like another shrapnel scrape. She just needed to make it through the mission and then she could rest. Take a shore leave on the Citadel, maybe. Work on her tan for a few days on one of their artificial beaches.

_ Do you really believe that? _ her own shoulder demon asked mirthlessly.  _ You're either going to run yourself into an early grave, or Leviathan will do it for you. _

 

* * *

 

Of course the reaper code they were looking for wasn't in a base or a computer. Of course it was a reaper itself, hiding under the goddamn rocks like some monolithic cockroach.

And, of course, Shepard was going to try to take it on by herself.

"EDI, tell me you're locking on," Shepard called out over the roar of the wind around her. The Reaper was inching closer and its firing chamber glowed a bright red, bursting with energy.

"Targeting," EDI confirmed. "Please attempt to stay as still as possible, Commander."

"Kinda difficult, EDI!" Shepard snapped, just as a beam of red, pulsing light show out of the Reaper. Shepard drove to the side, doing her best to keep her arm steady and aimed.

"80 percent, Shepard."

Shepard pulled herself off the ground, staring over at the scorched earth where she had been standing moments earlier.

"95 percent, Shepard."

The Reaper was locking onto her and the firing chamber glowed red once again.

"EDI!"

"Locked on. Firing."

The guided missile that slammed into the reaper five seconds later was like 4th of July fireworks to Shepard. The Reaper fell, making the ground shake like an earthquake. She was about to turn around and make her way back to their getaway vehicle when the Reaper pulled itself back up on its spindly legs, its chamber lighting up again.

"No," Shepard whispered. "EDI! I need you locked on - it's not down yet! I repeat, Reaper is not down!"

"Twenty percent, Shepard. Please perform evasive maneuvers until we have the signal back."

Shepard shook her head. The chamber was already lit up and the laser would be heading her way any second. She was backed into a corner, between a wall of rock and a cliff. There was nowhere to go.

The Reaper fired. Shepard dove. It wasn't enough. The laser was coming right at her and all Shepard could do was whisper, "I'm sorry," to no one in particular.

She closed her eyes and took a breath and readied herself.

But death didn't come.

When she opened her eyes, there was a shimmering sphere encompassing her that had somehow deflected the laser away.

Shepard squinted, sure that her eyes were playing tricks on her. But it had really happened. Something was saving her, and she was pretty sure Liara's biotics weren't strong enough to reach her from space. Everything was silent - she couldn't even hear the static from her comm link, only the brag of her heart and the rasp of her breath.

_ How am I still alive? _

**You're no use to us dead,** the deep, unfathomable voice in the back of her mind intoned.

The shimmering sphere around her became a shock-wave, exploding outward and catching the Reaper with full force. The Reaper crumpled, its spindly legs reaching toward the sky as if crying out for help. Leviathan’s voice was immensely pleased as it retreated further and further from her consciousness.

"Shepard!"

She could hear again. There was a cacophony of yells - both excited from Tali and the Admirals, and worried from Garrus, asking if she was alright and what had happened.

She heard footsteps and turned to find Legion looking down at her, offering its hand. "Shepard-Commander. Is there a malfunction we can assist with?"

Shepard shook her head numbly, taking Legion's hand and standing on shaky limbs. "No, Legion. I'm... I'm fine."

Garrus was beside her in an instant, a hand on her lower back to keep her steady. She hadn't even realized she was swaying. "Shepard-"

"I'm fine," she insisted.

"This is it," Gerrel was saying over their comm. "The geth are dead in the water - if we strike now, our homeland is ours!"

"No," Legion replied calmly. "Shepard-Commander, we have new information."

"Hold off, Gerrel," Shepard ordered firmly. She hoped he remembered her fist on his jaw and her boot on his chest this time - maybe he wouldn't act so brashly. "What is it, Legion?"

"Shepard-Commander, now that the Old Machines are not controlling them, the heretics are requesting to join us," Legion said, its voice taking on something that sounded like wonder. "We have also concluded that we can use the Reaper code in order to rewrite the heretics, with slight modifications."

"Shepard, no!" Tali exclaimed. "They've already turned on us twice. What is to stop them from making it a third time on Earth?"

"Negative," Legion said forcefully. "The heretics saw the error in their ways when reprogrammed the second time. They willingly joined the Old Machines now because of the Creator threat. They would have been exterminated if they did not receive Old Machine upgrades."

"Well, they're going to be exterminated now," Gerrel growled.

"Stand down, Admiral!" Shepard snapped. She noticed Tali's eyes turning to glowing slits and knew the quarian was upset. "Tali, listen to me. The geth are not a threat anymore. We have disabled all of the code that might compromise them. If you and the other quarians can work beside the geth-"

"Absolutely not!" Gerrel hissed.

"-then there will be no reason for them to turn against us," Shepard finished firmly. "Am I right here, Legion?"

Legion was silent a moment, and then replied, "Correct. All units agree that having a harmonious relationship with the Creators will eradicate all need for the Old Machines. We would also like to lend out assistance in the building of The Crucible, and to help the Creators with their settling and farming."

"Shepard, they took our home world," Tali began, her voice fractured as if she were close to tears. "You can't ask me to side with them!"

"Tali," Shepard began, trying to sound as soothing as possible. "I was in the geth consensus. The quarians turned against the geth. The quarians fled from Rannoch when the geth overpowered them. The geth let the quarians flee - they didn't pursue, they disengaged. They saved your species' lives, Tali. Losing your homeworld was not their fault."

There was a ringing silence before Tali sobbed out, "Is this true?" When no one answered, her voice hardened. "Gerrel, is this true? Xen? Koris?"

"Yes, Tali," Xen replied after a hesitation. "It is true."

Tali closed her eyes and held a hand to her mask. "But all the stories… all the tales of being driven out and almost hunted to extinction were….  _ Keelah." _ She dropped her hand from her mask and looked to Legion. "Upload the code. All ships, stand down."

Legion ducked his head. "Thank you, Creator Tali'Zorah. You have our gratitude...  _ my _ gratitude."  He, for he was now, inexplicably, a _he,_ turned his focus to the sky. "Commencing upload."


	18. Grieve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
> 
> This chapter's title song is ["I Grieve," by Peter Gabriel.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQ3wpjdYMqk) Please enjoy!

Legion's name was added to the wall. The list of names haunted Shepard every time she exited the elevator onto the Crew Deck and every time she closed her eyes. The nightmares never changed - the wispy shadows of all the people she had lost, accompanied by Leviathan's foreboding presence. Leviathan's whispers joined with the lost crew mates and, every night, Shepard woke in a cold sweat, her head throbbing, her pillowcase dotted with blood.

Garrus didn't say much about the indoctrination, but Shepard knew the wheels in his mind were turning. She could see them circling when she looked at him, at the focus and intensity in his eyes. He was gentler with her than ever, and it drove her crazy. She wanted to yell at him that she wasn't fragile.

But that wasn't exactly true. Her mind was as fragile as it had ever been.

She endured the few days' trip through space until they reached the Citadel. She was finding it harder and harder to relax the closer they got, however. She felt the presence in the back of her head jumping anxiously as if there was something she was forgetting, or something terrible about to happen. She wasn't sure if it was really the Leviathan going mad, or if it was her.

When the Normandy docked, Shepard could feel the excitement buzzing through the ship. Everyone was ready for the time off. Everyone was ready for some stiff drinks and to say a potential goodbye to loved ones.

As Shepard's boot hit the CIC, however, Traynor turned to her with an apologetic look on her face. "Commander-"

"Someone's on vid comm?" Shepard guessed. She didn't even bother sighing - she'd come to expect interruptions.

"The asari councilor," Traynor said, worrying her lower lip with an outrageously white tooth. "She says it's urgent."

Shepard shrugged, "When isn't it?" and then turned toward the war room. The room was thankfully silent - the Admirals - even Tali, much to Shepard's displeasure - were all left on Rannoch to build up their fleets and join the Earth forces at a later time. It at least provided a quieter room in which to speak on the vid comm.

Tevos, the asari councilor, was standing primly, her face pleasant but reserved. "Shepard! How are you, Commander? I just received word that the Normandy reached dry dock?"

"I am well, Councilor, and yourself?" Shepard asked, internally kicking herself for having to deal with these ridiculous formalities. There was a war on, for Christ's sake.

"I need to speak with you as soon as possible," Tevos said simply, not bothering to answer Shepard's question. She glanced to the side, looking annoyed, and added, "I understand it's late, Commander, but I hope you would be willing to meet me for dinner in my penthouse. There are some... sensitive... issues I need to go over with you."

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "Is it Thessia or Illium?"

Tevos' brow knitted. "I'm sorry?"

"Which asari world got hit?"

Her eyelids drooped over her eyes for a moment, and there was a slight slump to her shoulders. "Thessia."

Shepard nodded. "Send me your address and I will be there in thirty minutes."

"No need, Commander, I have a cab on its way to you as we speak."

 

* * *

 

Shepard tried not to stick out like a sore thumb on her walk through the gilt and glamor of Tevos' building, but it was rather difficult while wearing her Alliance blues. A few passing asari gave her snooty looks as if she had just rolled out of a gutter covered in grime. Some turians, however, recognized her instantly and flocked to shake her hand and take pictures with her.

That was something Shepard had never gotten used to. She wasn't a celebrity, but she was sometimes treated as such, especially by the turian populace. It probably helped she was dating a high-ranking adviser to the Primarch.

"Commander?"

Shepard turned to come face-to-face with the asari councilor. Tevos was much shorter and thinner up close than she ever seemed over the vids. Shepard offered her a hesitant smile and bade the turian admirers farewell.

"Thank you for coming on such short notice. I ordered up some fresh sushi - the fish are from Horizon, I think they said. I hope you don't mind?"

Shepard didn't ask how she managed by fresh Horizon sushi. No need to come off as abrasive before she even sat down.

Tevos led her through the tower and up a grand elevator to the top floor. Tevos had a corner unit, of course, with a grand view of the Presidium from her wrap-around private balcony and floor-to-ceiling windows.

"I'm sorry for the mess, I haven't been here much since... well. It's been easier to sleep in my office to cut down on commute time."

The space was clean, spartan and comfortable, but there was a sense that it hadn't been lived in recently. "I understand. It's a lovely home. I especially like the view."

Tevos hummed her agreement as she took a seat at a large table and began pouring wine into massive glasses. "Please, Shepard, sit. Help yourself to anything you would like."

Shepard sat across from her and gingerly picked up a pair of chopsticks. She was suddenly glad that Kasumi had insisted on teaching her how to use them - poorly, but functionally. She grabbed a few cuts of fish and shrimp, placing them on her plate and pouring a bit of soy onto them, along with some ginger and wasabi.

"I will say, you humans have some of the most amazing seafood. Much better than the asari ever had," she added with a soft laugh that turned sad at the end.

"What's happened?" Shepard asked, putting a piece of seaweed wrapped fish and rice into her mouth. Tevos was right - it did taste fresh.

"Reaper scouts arrived this morning," she murmured softly. "They have not attacked yet, but I am sure it is coming. We... we were wrong to sit out of this fight. We should have supported you, the turians, and the krogan when we had the chance, but..."

Shepard nodded, chewing thoughtfully.

"There is something else. Something I only have heard rumors of…." She trailed off, her brow crinkling. "You must understand, what I am about to say is very, very sensitive. It must not leave this room."

"I can't hide anything from my crew," Shepard said simply, dabbing another piece of sushi into a pool of soy sauce and covering it with a thin slice of ginger. "My ground team needs to know the plan in full."

"I suppose you're right," Tevos allowed. She looked out over the Presidium, and Shepard caught a glisten of tears in the councilor's eyes. "There is an artifact. I don't know what kind or what, exactly, its purpose is, but... I believe it to be prothean. It may help us discover what this Crucible you seek is."

Shepard's eyes widened. The food tasted like ash in Shepard's mouth. She forced herself to swallow before practically growling, "You have prothean data stored on your home world and you're just now telling us about it?"

Tevos shook her head vehemently. "It isn't information I was privy to, Commander. Not fully. I've only heard whispers of it until recently. I just know that this device might be the key to saving you. Isn't late better than never?"

Shepard slammed her chopsticks down so forcefully they snapped. Her mind was buzzing and she could feel Leviathan awakening, enjoying the rage that coursed through her. "You mean this might be the key to saving you? Because that's all I hear. You want us to swoop in now that Thessia is endangered - Palaven, Tuchanka, and Earth be damned."

Tevos stood slowly and took a step back, placing the chair between her and Shepard. As if a chair would help the asari if Shepard wanted her dead. "Commander, our reservations were well founded."

"What have I ever done to make you think I wouldn't have helped Thessia anyway?" Shepard demanded. "I saved your asses, the entire council, and let my own race perish to defend you. I have put my neck on the line for a daughter of Thessia, Liara T'Soni, and she has done the same for me. I do these things without reward, at a huge risk to myself and the Alliance, and you dare to tell me that your reservations  _ were well founded?" _

"Your lover is a turian!" Tevos shouted. "If it came between the asari and the turian, who would you side with?"

Shepard recoiled. "My love life has nothing to do with my duty as a Spectre and Alliance Commander. And even if it did, this isn't about the asari versus the turian, if you hadn't noticed. It's about all of us against the Reapers."

Tevos sighed and turned, looking out over the purplish skyline. "You're right. We were wrong."

Shepard took a few breaths in order to calm down and asked softly, "Where is the artifact?"

"I've sent a nav point to the Normandy." She paused for a few moments and Shepard noticed that she was still gripping the back of her chair like it was her single life-line "Your discretion and swift response is appreciated."

Shepard rolled her eyes grabbed her glass of wine. She gulped it down, the sharp burn of the sulfates stinging her throat and making her eyes water. When she was done she set the glass down forcefully and turned for the door. On the elevator, she called Joker and gave him the news. "Call everyone back to the ship. We need to be out of here within 0200 hours. EDI has the nav point."

"Roger," Joker replied, not even bothering to complain.

 

* * *

 

Shepard had never seen Liara cry. It was something she wasn't prepared for; but here she was, sitting beside her on Liara’s plush bed, her arm wrapped around the asari's shoulders, letting the woman sob into her neck. It wasn't noisy sobs, thankfully, but it was the heartbreaking tears of a woman who had just witnessed the destruction of her homeworld. It was the same hopeless tears Shepard had shed privately in her cabin on the way to Mars after she was forced from Earth.

"Commander," Traynor's voice came over the intercom. "Councilor Tevos is on vid-comm for you."

Liara stiffened and began to pull away from Shepard, her face swollen from crying and her eyes shimmering. "You should go," she whispered, her eyelashes fluttering down. "I'll be okay."

Shepard nodded and swallowed past the own lump in her throat. "I can come back-"

Liara shook her head vehemently, wiping at her face. "No, Shepard, that's not necessary. I just... I need to work on something. I'll be ready for the next mission," she added. "I'd... I'd like to come if you don't mind. If we do get the chance to face Kai Leng on Horizon, I want to be there."

Shepard nodded and stood. "Traynor said we should be there by 0900 tomorrow. I'll see you down at the drop ship."

As she left Liara's room, she felt her adrenaline rushing up. She knew she would have to face this music. Her first real failure. Her first real defeat. As she walked, she allowed herself a few minutes of self-loathing, of reproach, of anger. She allowed herself to be a punching bag for all of her inadequacies.

But by the time she arrived at the vid comm room, she was composed again. She had a plan and she would not let Cerberus get away with this.

 


	19. Blurred Lines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
> 
>  **Chapter notes:** Welcome to the beginning of our very special version of the Citadel DLC. This is going to run for about six chapters - lots of Shakarian fluff to come, I swear! Gotta reward you for all of the shit that's gone on recently, hehe.
> 
> This chapter's title song is ["Blurred Lines," by Robin Thicke.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyDUC1LUXSU) Please enjoy!

There was no Kai Leng on Horizon, as it turned out, and especially no Illusive Man. There was, however, Miranda Lawson, her sister Oriana, and a man who Shepard could only guess was their crazy father.

"Shepard?" Miranda panted, eyes wide. She was on the floor, clutching her side, blood dripping from between her fingers. "What are you-"

"Stop right there," Henry Lawson warned, eyes roaming from Shepard to Miranda and back again. He had an arm roped around Oriana's neck, a gun to her head. Oriana looked shockingly calm - it must have been all those special genes. "You take another step, she dies."

Shepard chuckled even though she hadn't meant to. This whole situation was such a clusterfuck she wasn't even sure which was more amusing - the fact that Henry Lawson seemed to think she believed he would pull the trigger on his precious, wayward daughter, or that, once again, she ended up in the middle of something completely unrelated to what she was trying to do.

"Miranda," Shepard began calmly, "I'm really sorry. I'm going to feel like utter shit if he does do something stupid, like pull the trigger-"

"Shepard, please, no!" Miranda begged, literally begged, her eyes shining with tears.

"-but I am sick and tired of these fuckwits acting like they are totally fine with the whole goddamn galaxy falling to fucking shit." She took three steps forward, enough to put her thighs on the table that Mr. Lawson was hiding behind. His eyes widened and the gun came away from Oriana's head, aiming squarely at Shepard's. Shepard easily ducked under the barrel, slid over the table, and pushed Oriana aside. She grabbed Henry's neck and shoved him against the plate glass behind him. She had expected the glass to shatter beautifully and for the whole ordeal to look pretty awesome.

The glass, however, did not shatter. Instead, it made a strange  _ whomp _ noise and shuddered a little under the impact.

"Shit," Shepard grumbled.

Nothing but silence surrounded her, along with Henry's angry sputtering. "You! You won't get away with killing me! The Illusive Man himself will hunt you down-"

Shepard snorted. "Like he cares about anything enough to come after me himself." She pulled him away from the glass and shoved him against it again, harder this time. His head bounced off of the glass, making a terrible racket but failing to break. "Jesus, what the hell did they make this stuff out of?" Shepard mused to herself.

"I can make a deal!" Henry wheezed past her gloved hand cutting into his trachea. "I can give you anything! Anything!"

"Do you know where the Illusive Man's base is?" Shepard asked. Henry was, for once, silent. "Didn't think so. But, you know, your daughter does. Miranda, I mean. She knows exactly where it is, so I am going to let her decide what to do with you. I figure she'll be grateful enough to tell me where I can find our mutual buddy."

"Gladly," Miranda said, wincing as she stood up with the aid of the desk. She took Liara's offered gun and leaned heavily on Vega, who was suddenly full of chivalry. She let off six rounds from the gun; the bullet holes were all evenly spaced across the glass surface, none of them remotely close to touching Henry. Spiderweb cracks covered the once flawless surface.

Henry let out a disbelieving laugh. "So much for perfection," he snipped.

Oriana had gone to Miranda to support her other side. Miranda only smiled. "Shepard, would you do me the honors?"

"Gladly," Shepard grinned, pulling Henry off of the glass and shoving him back against it. The spiderweb cracks fell apart and Henry Lawson plummeted to his death.

 

* * *

"We have Miranda Lawson on board," Shepard repeated. Hackett's link seemed to be getting worse the longer they maintained the connection. "EDI, can you clean this up?"

"I'm sorry, Commander," EDI replied softly. "It seems that there is a Cerberus scrambler in his area that is distorting his feed."

"-good job... shore leave... last chance..." Hackett was saying.

Shepard sighed. "Sir, we have Miranda on board and she can take us directly to the Illusive Man. We could end this war today."

"Negative, Com... wait on Citadel... enjoy... off."

Shepard sighed. "EDI, what's the status on The Normandy?"

"Repairs that were not completed during our last drydock heavily recommended before facing Cerberus or the Reapers. I expect a week, at a minimum, for repairs to be made in full."

Shepard frowned and nodded at Hackett's wavering figure. "We'll head to the Citadel now, sir. Once our repairs are complete, we're back in this thing, though."

Hackett smiled. "Good to hea... sending nav point... Anderson... Hackett out."

Shepard was confused on the Anderson bit, but there was no point trying to reconnect to him and ask about it. He was off with the remaining N7 recruits, taking down Cerberus missions deemed too trivial for the crew of the Normandy.

"What I wouldn't give for a trivial bag-and-tag Cerberus mission," Shepard thought aloud, turning toward the war room. If she was going to be forced into a week's vacation, the least she could do was follow up on her current resources and make sure everyone was ready for the showdown in a week. 

 

* * *

The nav point led Shepard to a sprawling apartment in the middle of the Silversun Strip. She walked through the sparse but gorgeous apartment, utterly stunned that Anderson had such a place hidden up his sleeve.

When the vid screen shifted and became Anderson's face, Shepard jumped slightly. "Anderson?" she asked hesitantly.

He cracked a smile. "Shepard! How do you like your new digs?"

"My... what?" She had heard the words, but they didn't make much sense.

"It's all yours, Commander," Anderson smiled warmly, but there was something in his eyes, something that wasn't quite right. "I signed it over to you weeks ago, when we gave you the command to take some time off. Remember, right before you decided to fly off to Thessia and Horizon?"

Shepard opened her mouth but words didn't come out. "All mine?" she repeated dumbly. "But, Anderson... I can't take this-"

"Nonsense," Anderson scoffed. "You earned it. Don't tell me the view isn't up to your standards."

Shepard glanced out the massive windows at the flickering neon lights and the hover cars passing by going much too fast. It reminded her of her childhood in Seattle, only from above - when she was a street rat, she'd never gotten to see a view like this.

"I can't accept this," Shepard murmured, more to herself than Anderson.

"It's already done," Anderson shrugged. "The electronic deed was sent off to your Alliance mail this morning. You must not have seen it."

Shepard shook her head no.

Anderson looked down for a moment and finally said, "You're taking a burden off of my hands, Shepard. I don't know if I'll live to see those views again-"

"Anderson, don't-"

Anderson held up a hand, cutting her off. Shepard could see tears in his eyes. "It was going to be a retirement present for myself and Kahlee. But Kahlee..." he looked down again. "Kahlee won't be seeing it."

Shepard closed her eyes and let out a soft sigh. "Anderson, I'm so sorry."

He nodded. "Me too, Shepard. Just... take good care of it and enjoy your time there. Make the most of your next week, alright?"

Shepard nodded. "Thank you, Anderson. This is more than I can ever repay."

It was Anderson's turn to laugh. "No, Shepard. You've done more for humanity than any one person could repay. Think of this as a little perk for being my favorite XO."

Shepard saluted him and he returned it, the screen going dark.

 

* * *

 

Shepard was just about to send a message to Garrus' identifier, requesting his presence at the apartment, when a shrill noise sent her scurrying off of the bed she was lounging on and down the cool metal stairs.

There wasn't a fire and it didn't seem like carbon monoxide was seeping through the air, so she couldn't figure out where the noise was coming from. She finally went into the back room, covering her ears with her hands as the noise got louder and louder.

The terminal.

She logged into it quickly and found a few messages waiting for her - one of which was from Joker and seemed to be emitting the terrible noise. The second she clicked on it, the noise stopped and there was a ringing silence.

_ Shepard, _

_ Gotta use these Alliance perks somehow - sushi at the place near Silversun Casino? Tonight, 1800. _

_ Joker _

Shepard smirked.  _ Trust Joker to send an invite that shrieks until you open it. _

A glance at the sushi joint's extranet site showed that it was very ritzy and very pricey. She was sure Joker had more than enough money saved up to afford it - as far as she could tell, he didn't have any expensive habits - not like her model collecting and Garrus' rifle modding. Maybe a weird fetish porn site or two, but nothing excessive.

Shepard took a few hours to walk around the strip, purchasing some new civilian clothes to hopefully blend into obscurity. She was sure no one would recognize Commander Shepard without her signature Alliance blues.

She popped back home, amazed that she already thought of it as  _ home.  _ She changed and brush out her short hair before dabbing on some light makeup. 

She took some time to look over her purchases and some of the things she had brought in from the SR-2. The item that caught her eye first was a bottle of expensive asari perfume Liara had given her. She spritzed a bit on, slid a bangle bracelet over her right wrist, and adjusted her dog tags so that they were barely visible.

She had bought a dress that she would normally have never been seen dead in. She couldn't help it though - it reminded her of the dress Kasumi had let her borrow while undercover as Allison Gunn, but with some differences.

For one, it was strapless and connected around her neck with a silver cord. It was black, much like Gunn's dress, but this one was a silky slip of material that hugged her curves but fluttered around her thighs, moving like water.

She stepped into a pair of silver flats, knowing better than to struggle into high heels. They were impracticable and pinched her wider-than-average feet.

Shepard glanced herself over in the mirror. She looked paler, dressed in black, but it made her eyes stand out. Which, with her indoctrination, might not have been a good thing.

Not that Joker would notice her eyes, of course.

Shepard decided to walk to the restaurant even though it was easily a few miles down the strip. She took in the sights and sounds of her new home. The hustle and bustle on the higher catwalks was more refined than what she had seen ground-side as a child in Seattle. Here it was all food and glitz and glamor. There it had been kill, eat, defend, betray.

She wasn't sure if she could get used to it. Or if she wanted to.

By the time she arrived at _Au Bord de la Mer,_ the line was stretching along the side of the building. It was 1822 and she was officially late. That didn't seem to matter, though, as the maitre d' waved her forward. She tried to ignore the glares she got from a few people who didn't recognize her.

"Commander Shepard! Welcome!" the man cooed in his very fake French accent. "Your date awaits you at table fifteen - in the back, around the corner."

Shepard ignored the people in line who, upon hearing who she was, were suddenly aflutter with praise and admiration. She stepped into the restaurant and wound her way around to the back of the room, finding Joker already starting his second drink.

"Hot damn, Shepard," Joker said, eyes widening. "I forget there's a woman under all that gruffness."

"Hah," she said simply, sitting down in the seat across from him.

"Nice place, huh?" he asked, looking around at all the diplomats and business people surrounding them. _ "Creme de la creme, _ as our maitre d' would say."

“It might be a little too fancy for my blood," Shepard grinned, accepting the drink that a waitress brought over to her. She sniffed it then took a sip - rum and coke, an old Earth favorite. "Damn, I forgot how good top shelf tasted," Shepard admitted.

"No shit," Joker laughed, taking another hit from his drink. "So, I'm flattered you invited me out to this romantic dinner and all, but EDI and I-"

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "Invited…  what? I got an invite from  _ you." _

Joker's eyebrows furrowed. "I'm smelling a setup, aren't I?"

A barrage of bullets was suddenly whizzing through the air narrowly missing the pair.

 

* * *

 

Shepard was disheveled, to say the least, but that didn't keep Garrus from ogling her and Vega from making a very pleased noise when he walked through her door - and it wasn't because of the decor.

"That ain’t a dress, Lola, that’s a sawn-off shotgun," Vega complimented, eyeing the short hemline appreciatively. Liara rolled her eyes and sat down on the couch, making herself comfortable while Shepard paced.

"So, Joker filled everyone in?" Shepard asked distractedly. Her dress was torn in places from bullet holes and falling down and off of things, but she wasn’t worried about the dress - she was worried about the mercs trying to kill her.

"Someone hacked your email, lured you into a meeting without weapons, and then tried to kill you," Miranda summed up, leaning herself against the fireplace. "In other words, a typical day in the life of Commander Shepard. Cute dress, by the way.  Or, it was, I imagine."

"Where is Brooks?" Joker asked as he came through the door, followed by the other crew members.

"Losing her lunch in the bathroom," Glyph supplied helpfully. "I'm not sure why she would take her lunch in the bathroom, or how she lost it. The bathroom seems rather small for such a thing."

Shepard closed her eyes and turned to Liara, raising an eyebrow. The asari shrugged, anything but apologetic, and said, "It's easier for me to ignore him when he has other people to talk to."

Staff Analyst Brooks chose that moment to emerge, looking paler than normal, her face shimmering with either sweat or water. "Okay," she began, voice shaking. "Where were we?"

"I think we're all waiting with baited breath to figure out who is trying to kill me this time," Shepard supplied. She tossed a gun down on the coffee table. "I think this is a good place to start. I grabbed it off one of the shooters - I've never seen one like it."

"I-" Brooks began, moving to pick up the gun.

Miranda was too fast, scooping up the weapon, eyes narrowed as she surveyed it. "Elijah Kahn. I've worked with him in the past. Recent past, in fact. He's an illegal gun smuggler here on the Citadel. He won't ask the reason for your purchases as long as you have the money to buy his silence. Untraceable, too - they're reconstructed by Kahn himself so that there's no serial number."

"Oh," was all Brooks could say, looking both concerned and impressed. "Well, I guess that... Shepard, are you sure she isn't, you know... the one who hired them?"

Miranda rolled her eyes, tossing the gun over to Shepard, who caught it. "If I wanted Shepard dead, I would have never brought her back to life."

Brooks looked sufficiently lost.

"So, where do we find this Elijah Kahn?" Shepard asked.

"His casino," Miranda shrugged. "His penthouse. His mistress' penthouse. The sushi place - oh, wait, you just destroyed it."

Liara groaned. "Shepard, I loved that sushi place."

Shepard rubbed her forehead with a hand. "Back to the guys trying to kill me...?"

"Casino, baby," Vega grinned from where he was scanning through extranet sites on his omni-tool. "Looks like he's hosting a charity there tonight - something about refugees or something. I dunno, but it sounds like a golden ticket to par-tay... and find Shepard's assassins," he added, noting the raised eyebrows he was getting from his commanding officer.

 

* * *

 

Shepard was in yet another dress, and this one she hoped would fare better than the last. It was a floor-length, off the shoulder number in a rich blue that matched Garrus' face paint. He had touched it up for the event and dressed in black linens with crimson embroidery.  _  To match your hair, _ he’d said fondly, making Miranda roll her eyes.

Shepard had kept her makeup simple and her hair down, the only items of jewelry being her engagement ring and dogtags. She noticed, then, that Garrus was wearing a matching ring to hers on his second finger. She hadn't noticed it before, but he usually wore gloves in public. Tonight, though, the talons had been freshly buffed down and his gloves left at her apartment.

"Did I tell you how amazing you look in that dress?" Garrus asked for the fifth time.

"I'm pretty sure you did," she chuckled as they walked arm-in-arm toward the casino entrance. Brooks had gone in ahead of them, keeping her distance in order to not draw attention to them all. "And I am pretty sure you look much better than I could ever hope to."

Garrus chuckled, leaning in to place his face plates to her hair in an attempt at a kiss. Reporters swarmed around them, vid drones humming and capturing their moment of affection.

"Too bad we're only here for pretend," Garrus murmured. "It'd be nice to do some gambling, some dancing, some drinking... and not have to worry about anything other than fending amorous guys off of you left and right."

Shepard bit her lower lip, trying her best to be coy. "Don't worry, Vakarian, we'll get the chance. The second we deal with Elijah, we can get back to our apartment and our bed and plan out the rest of this shore leave."

_ "Our _ apartment?" Garrus repeated, mandibles flaring. "Our  _ bed?" _ he added, a seductive edge to his lilting voice. Shepard shivered. They hadn't been intimate in over a week. It felt like forever since she'd seen him look at her the way he was looking at her now - like she was desirable, not weak or fragile.  Like he wanted to split her in half and devour her.

They passed through the doorway and into the glittered casino. "Well, then let's find this Kahn guy so we can get to it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End notes: Vega's compliment about Shepard's dress is based on an Arctic Monkeys' song, ["Suck it and See."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxNSjppLWeQ) It's a fantastic song and has some great lines.


	20. Riptide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
> 
> This chapter's title song is ["Riptide," by Vance Joy.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJ_1HMAGb4k) Please enjoy!

"Oh God."

"Brooks."

"Oh... oh my God. I think I'm going to be sick."

"Damnit, Brooks, hold yourself together."

"He's... he's dead!"

"I see that."

"How can you be so calm! He's dead! He was shot in the head and he's-  _ oh, God, _ I'm gonna be-"

"Oh, gross! Fucking hell, Brooks, seriously? This is a new dress!"

Garrus surveyed the scene. Everything was wiped clean, not a fingerprint to be found. The desk, however, looked like a typhoon had crashed through. Papers were scattered everywhere, paperweights had been dropped on the floor, and the terminal looked like it had been stripped of everything. The background was set to the default blue-skies-over-green-fields backdrop humans were so fond of on their software.

"I'm so sorry," Brooks was whimpering as she shakily stood, leaning against the desk. Her hip shifted a pile of papers to the floor.

"You can be sorry all you want," Shepard huffed, "but sorry does not get vomit off of the hem of my brand new dress!"

Garrus was too busy staring at a newly emerged piece of paper.  He was too stunned to even wonder what kind of person was still using paper, still killing what few rainforest the humans had. 

"Shepard," he hummed.

"This is why I can't have fancy things," she grumbled, her emerald eyes turning to him. When she realized he was looking down at the desk, her eyes followed suit. On a scratch piece of paper, bold pen strokes spelled out two words.

Garrus wasn't an ace at written English, but he'd been studying it off and on for the better part of two years. It took him a bit to puzzle together the first word, but the second was simple - it was the very first word he learned to write in English.

_ Warn Shepard. _

The vidscreen behind Kahn's desk flickered and a distorted voice cackled, "Good to see you found my present, Shepard. Dead men tell no tales, right?” 

"And who do I have to thank for this present?" Shepard asked, her eyes narrowing. The dolled-up, girly charm she'd had all night had worn off and Commander Shepard was back and she looked kind of silly in a floor-length gown with vomit on the hem.

The person on the other end of the vidscreen _ tisk _ ed her. "Now Shepard, what fun would this be if I just told you? I'd prefer to watch you flounder and fail.” 

"Why don't you tell me who you are?" Shepard repeated. Garrus saw her fists clenching and unclenching and knew there would be some deep nail furrows on her palms. "Why don't you quit hiding behind your distorters and do this face-to-face?"

The figure chuckled. "Oh, Shepard. Taunts may get a rise out of Cerberus, or your crew, or you. I'm above it, though."

The vid cut out and Garrus cursed. "There's some kind of interference in the room - I couldn't get a location on him."

"The computer's wiped clean, too," Brooks added morosely.

"Bring it with us," Shepard said. "Maybe EDI can pull something off of it."

 

* * *

 

Kahn was dead, there was a mysterious figure using voice and facial distortion, and all Shepard could concentrate on was Glyph bobbing up and down, up and down, up and down, up and-

"Glyph!"

The ball stilled, its blue interface whirling. "Yes, Commander? How may I assist you?"

"Stop moving. Just float there and be still."

"What an odd request," Glyph mused to himself but did as he was bidden.

Shepard turned her attention back to EDI. "Please tell me you have something?"

EDI glanced up from Shepard's terminal, which she had linked into Kahn's hard drive. "I was able to pull some information off of Kahn's hard drive, but the wipe removed most of it. It seems as if someone took a hit out on you. A mercenary group called CAT6 picked it up. I am assuming those were the men shooting at you in the restaurant which everyone loved."

"I still can't believe you broke the floor fish tank," Miranda sighed sadly. "Those poor fish."

"Well, it was either me or the fish," Shepard replied without much heat. "And it's ironic you lament fish dying in a sushi restaurant."

"Shepard," EDI said suddenly. "Your Spectre access was just used."

Shepard raised her weary eyes to EDI. "What do you mean? I'm sitting right here."

"Yet your Spectre access was just used, and approved, in the Citadel Vaults."

"The Citadel Vaults?" Shepard repeated dumbly.

"You've never been to the Citadel Vaults?" Liara spoke up, sounding amazed. "It's wonderful, Shepard. Documented information as far back as written time. Images of some of the greatest wars, fragments of historical documents-"

"Got it," Shepard interrupted. "But what would this asshole want with my Spectre credentials, how the hell is he using them, and what is he looking for in the Vaults?" She shook her head, getting to her feet. "Everyone, get back to the Normandy and suit up. Meet me at the Vaults in ten. Seriously, ten minutes, people. Move!"

"Everyone?" Garrus asked, seeming startled. He couldn't remember the last time they'd all been on a mission together.

"Move!" Shepard repeated, already moving for the door.

 

* * *

 

The figure emerged from the shadows, flanked by more CAT6 mercs, and the first thing Garrus noticed was her stunning human body. She had curves in all the right places and, to borrow Vega's favorite phrase, filled out her armor like nobody's business. The second thing he noticed was her flawless face and perfectly coiffed hair and shining eyes.

It was Shepard.

He glanced to his left, just to be sure. His Shepard was standing beside him, looking as shell-shocked as he felt.

"Isn't this cozy?" the other Shepard cooed, walking toward them. She had a certain spring in her step as if nothing pleased her more than finally coming into the light. "I think it's cozy. Like a family reunion."

Shepard stood a bit straighter, her rifle still raised and pointed at her doppelganger. Her finger itched to pull the trigger, but she stayed her hand. Her men were surrounded on the catwalks. Glyph was the only one unaccounted for, which probably meant he was bobbing around aimlessly, trying to find them.

"Now Sis, is that any way to treat me?" The false one smiled, showing perfectly straight, white teeth that mirrored Shepard's. "Drop your weapon or your group on the catwalks start gaining bullet holes." Her eyes swooped over to Garrus. "You too, lover boy."

Shepard slowly lowered her gun to the ground, righting herself just as slowly. Her narrowed eyes never left her twin's. "How is this possible?" she asked.

The doppelganger ignored her, though, and instead raised her pistol, aiming it directly at Shepard's head. Her eyes never left Garrus' as she repeated. "Drop. Your. Goddamn. Weapon. Now."

Garrus' rifle fell to the ground with a clatter.

The other Shepard smiled, suddenly innocent and playful again. "Now, Sis, you asked me how this is possible? You didn't really think you were the only Shepard that Cerberus made, right?" She chuckled but didn't move her pistol from Shepard's forehead. "They made me so that I could repair you. If you needed a new ear," she said softly, the gun moving to the side of Shepard's face.

She pulled the trigger.

To Shepard's credit, she did not scream, but she did flinch. The bullet whizzed past, making only the slightest of cuts as it nicked Shepard's right ear. Garrus started toward the clone, hellbent on punching her smug face. Two CAT6 mercs grabbed him and held him back effortlessly.

"If you needed a new arm," she continued, moving the gun to press it against Shepard's ulna. She pulled the trigger. This time, Shepard yelped as the bullet tore through her armor and into her arm. From that distance, there was nothing her shields could do.

"Maybe a new leg?" The doppelganger pressed on. The gun rested against Shepard's tibia. The gunshot echoed and Shepard dropped to her knees, a strangled choke echoing through the large, cavernous room.

The clone chuckled and shook her head. "Sorry, Sis. I guess I just got tired of watching your stupid face all over the feeds. I mean, I would be a better leader - ruthless, not always worried about my friends or the other races. Fuck 'em, I say. As long as the human race lives, what else matters? Don't you remember anything we stood for with the Reds?"

"They're a bunch of psychopathic murderers," Shepard hisses. "They're terrorists. They were bad when I was with them, they're a million times worse now that Lark-"

The clone's laughter bounced off the walls. She rested her hands on her knees and laughed, throwing her head back, her hair shimmering in the lights. The gun was still gripped, albeit loosely, in her left hand. "Trying to turn me off of Lark, are you? Oh, Shepard, you slay me, you really do. Jesus wept. Do you really think I could be doing this all by my lonesome? Do you really think I would have the money to fund all of these mercs? Do you think I would have had the money to buy Miss Brooks from her previous employment with the Illusive Man?"

Staff Analyst Brooks stepped smoothly away from the other side of Shepard, where she had been standing with hands up, still playing the part of Alliance nobody. She joined the clone, her smile turning dark.

"Hello, love," Brooks greeted the clone. Her voice was richer and had a faint accent. "A few setbacks, but I think I like this ending better than the one we had planned."

The clone nodded with a faint smile. "Me, too." She turned her attention back to Shepard. "Lark and I are dear friends now, Commander. Or should I just call you Miss? I mean, the whole reason I broke in here was the change your records - to make sure Jane Shepard has my fingerprints and not yours. Because for some ass backward reason, you can clone DNA but not fingerprints."

"It's called biology, you imbecile," Liara hissed.

The clone shrugged. "Whatever floats your soon-to-be-dead boat, T'Soni. Boys, lock then up in the vaults; I'm tired of talking. I have a ship to whip into shape."

 

* * *

 

Shepard had been sure that Glyph would never find them, that he would keep floating around the vaults like some overly pleasant, annoying as hell, useless ball of knowledge.

But, he found them all and let them out and, finally, they were on their way to the Normandy.

"Shepard, slow down," Garrus pleaded.

"That bitch is going to take my ship!" Shepard snapped, her foot pressing farther down on the accelerator. The cab they had hijacked shuddered under her insistence and roared forward, almost taking out a zoomer in front of them. Shepard swerved to avoid it and raced around traffic, northbound in a southbound hover zone.

"Shepard, I would suggest we pull over shortly," EDI informed her from the backseat. "The docking bay's targeting systems will begin to hone in if we get much closer."

Shepard chose that moment to yank the steering wheel sharply to the left, the cab smashing into a nearby private balcony that overlooked the docking bay. She slid out of the car, seeming completely unaware that she just crashed a cab onto someone's private property.

"Okay," she said briskly, grabbing her pistol. "Here's the plan. We kill anyone that gets in our way, get onto the ship, and then kill that bitch that's wearing my face."

"Shepard, I would like to remind you that you have suffered blood loss and still have bullets in your leg and arm," EDI informed.

Shepard didn't seem to feel the pain, although she was beginning to look pale. "Adrenaline and medi-gel are way better than a doctor, EDI. Any other questions?"

When none were asked, Shepard loaded a fresh heat sink into her gun and hopped over the balcony, plummeting the fifteen feet onto the nearest dock.

The trio made their way swiftly through the docks, taking out CAT6 mercs faster than they could scatter. 

Within minutes they were on the Normandy. 

Within an hour, the clone was dead and Shepard was on a shuttle bound for Huerta.

"You cannot stay out of trouble, can you?" Garrus asked softly as he sat beside her in the response vehicle.

Shepard only grinned. "Can't have a prettier version of me wandering around. Had to stop her."

"That must be the morphine talking because no one is more beautiful than you." He leaned down and brushed his face plates across her cheek. "Well... maybe Lelif Cradelvine a few decades back. But she was before my time, so...."

Shepard chuckled, hooking her hand around a mandible and gently pulled him closer. "You're going to pay for that when I get out of the hospital tonight."

"You won't remember any of this when you get out of the hospital tonight."

Shepard's goofy smile gave way to an even goofier laugh. "You're so right about that."


	21. Back Seat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
> 
>  **Chapter Warning:** Smutty goodness that we all hoped for in-game!
> 
> This chapter's title song is ["Back Seat," by Atlas Genius.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeAUf-VeXbE) Please enjoy!

Shepard woke up to a warm bed, complete with crumpled pillows, soft linen sheets, and a doting turian running his talons through her hair.

"Good morning." she greeted sleepily, stretching. Her arm and leg pinged in tenderness, but she ignored them. Later in the day, they'd be completely healed thanks to the Huerta staff. It was a little ironic that the hospital's namesake's daughter was indirectly the reason for her injuries.

"Good afternoon," Garrus corrected. "You've been out ever since we got home."

Shepard beamed. Garrus was calling the apartment _home,_ too. She glanced back down at her pillow and was shocked to find that there wasn't a single drop of blood on the pillowcase.

Garrus seemed to notice it, too. "Strange, huh? You didn't wake up screaming at all last night, either."

Shepard flushed. She always felt terrible for that - startling Garrus from his sleep or reading with her flailing limbs and screeches that probably woke the entire ship. "I must be doing better. Or maybe all the meds interrupted Leviathan's ability to slip in?"

"Maybe," Garrus said, though she could tell he didn't think so. There was something in his eyes. He was hiding something from her.

"What?" Shepard asked. When he tried to look innocent, she rolled her eyes. "Seriously, what?"

"Don't worry about it," he said gently, stroking her hand with his. "I just have some ideas, that's all. They might be panning out."

Shepard raised an eyebrow but didn't press. If he was planning a way to stop Leviathan, the last thing she wanted to do was ask questions. If she didn't know, Leviathan didn't know.

"I was thinking we could rent a car and do something stupid," he added, mandibles wiggling.

Shepard chuckled and, instead of asking questions, got out of bed and said, "I would love to."

 

* * *

 

They had shot more bottles than they had drunk, standing there on top of a covered pedestrian terminal. Garrus would throw an obnoxiously difficult shot, but Shepard would take them out easily - she had a reputation at stake, after all. Then Shepard would do her best to mimic Garrus' toss, but her arm was weaker and her bottles flew significantly shorter distances.

Garrus only teased her a bit about her wimpy human arm. Shepard only teased him a bit about missing one of her wimpy tosses.

They drank a bit and then laid in the backseat of their rental car, which was still perched on the civilian terminal. Shepard pressed back into Garrus, trying not to think about how close he probably was to falling off the seat. The hatch was still open, letting in the cool breeze of hovercars whipping past filter in.

"How long until C-Sec shows up to respond to complaints?" Shepard asked softly, enjoying how his mandible wiggled and brushed against her hair.

"They won't," Garrus murmured, his flanging voice like music to Shepard's ears. "I called in a few favors."

"Well, if that's the case," Shepard chuckled, her hand moving under the hem of his shirt, fiddling with his pants, "How about we cross _public sex on the Citadel_ off that bucket list of mine?"

"I like the way you think, Commander."

Garrus sat up and pulled Shepard up onto his lap, pressing his mouth to hers.  Her tongue slid inside his mouth, the pit of her stomach clenching, growing warm, pulsing with his touch.

It had been so long.  It had been so long since she had felt this desired.

"I need you inside me,” she whispered against his mouth.

"What about y-”

She cut him off with a bruising kiss, her tongue struggling against his for dominance.  She pulled back only slightly, teetering in the tight space of the backseat, wriggling out of her leggings.  She impatiently pulled Garrus’ pants down to his ankles before clambering back onto his lap.  

One of her arms wrapped around his neck and pulled him roughly into her mouth.  He was beginning to grow frantic, as well - his talons found their way up her shirt, scratching down her back.

Shepard groaned, tilting her head back, grinding her hips down into him.  Her free hand went to the plates low on his abdomen, stroking them, moaning when his cock emerged hard and eager.

He thrust himself into her in one deft motion, his hips rocking against hers, the engorged hardness of him filling her entrance.  Her brain seemed to short circuit, her body twitching madly as he thrust into her hard, fast, his breath coming out in low, rumbling growls.

“Harder,” she panted, insistent, dragging her nails down the sensitive skin of his neck and making him snarl and lean in to bite her collar bone.

His pace sped up and stars exploded in front of her eyes.  She let out shuddering breath after shuddering breath, her hips faltering, losing time with his.

His teeth bit down a bit harder, the sharp points a warning, a promise.

“Harder,” she demanded.

Garrus growled and shoved her off of him, pushing her face down into the leather backseat, grabbing her hips and dragging her into his erection.  He slammed into her fiercely, making guttural noises that made Shepard’s breath hitch.

“Is this hard enough for you?” he asked as his cock tried to split her in half.  His voice didn’t sound like his own - it was flanging heavily, deep and dark and delicious.

“Is that all you’ve got, Vakarian?” she taunted, turning to look at him over her shoulder, smirking.

Garrus shoved her face back down into the leather, holding it there while he railed himself into her.  Shepard was gasping and groaning, bucking back against his hips.  She knew she’d be bruised for days from this, but she wanted him so badly - wanted him to stop acting like she was glass.

Garrus’ panting began to come faster and his rhythm was faltering.  Shepard could feel his need for release like a punch to the gut.

“Mark me,” she whimpered.

Garrus leaned down, clamping his jaws on her shoulder blade.  The pain was immediate and Shepard cried out, but the cries quickly turned to delighted moans.  “Harder,” she whispered.  “Harder.  Harder!”

Garrus would have probably been close to tearing a chunk out of her skin if he hadn’t pulled back to let out a loud growl as he came in a rush.

Shepard relished in the explosion of warmth inside her, the explosion of warmth from his bite.  She slumped in the back seat, feeling her insides turning to a messy, sticky, warm goo.

“Public sex on the Citadel, check,” she chuckled breathlessly.

“Your bucket list is never boring,” Garrus admitted, slumping back into the seat, head leaned back, heavy breaths escaping from his mouth and fogging up the skylight.

 

* * *

 

When they got back home, Shepard's terminal was blinking insistently. Shepard groaned and Garrus tried to steer her away from it, but she plopped down morosely and opened up her messages.

"EDI wants to go shopping, Liara wants to hang out, James needs to use my gym, and..." she trailed off, skimming through the fourth message.

"And?" Garrus repeated.

"...And Kaidan wants to cook dinner for me." Shepard glanced back at Garrus, nervous for his reaction. Garrus had never been anything but civil to Kaidan and had never spoken badly about the human. Even so, Shepard could sense the hidden annoyance whenever Kaidan was mentioned - either on the pings for his newly appointed Spectre status, or when he pinged Shepard asking her to forgive him for all the shit he'd said about her.

Garrus shrugged, glancing down at his omni tool. "Well, it's right about dinner time now. I can head out and leave you two-"

"Garrus, no, don't be like that," Shepard groaned. "This is yours, too. Anything that's mine is yours - you know that. I am not kicking you out and letting my ex cook dinner for me."

She sent a ping over to Kaidan, letting him know that she and Garrus would be able to go out for lunch or dinner anytime over the next week and to let her know when and where.

"Can I ask you something?" Shepard asked as she sent the message. Garrus leaned against the wall as if expecting a doozy of a question. "Are you still jealous of him?"

"Jealous? No," he replied easily. "The only time I was jealous of him was when he had you, which wasn't for very long if you'll recall." Shepard smiled slightly, and he continued, "I don't trust him, though. I don't like that he wouldn't listen to you when you were with Cerberus. I didn't like that he couldn't see past his prejudices against Cerberus to realize you were the only one in whole damn galaxy doing something about the Collectors. I don't like that he didn't believe you during your tribunals when it was so glaringly obvious to everyone except the Alliance brass that you were protecting humanity, not bedding with the enemy.

"And then I really disliked him when he held a gun on you, and me, protecting that lying waste of space, Udina. It's like years of being with you, and knowing me, and he still didn't believe us. Kasumi dropped her gun immediately when you argued your case. Why couldn't Kaidan?"

"Kaidan... has trust issues when it comes to me," Shepard admitted.

"Trust issues puts too mildly," Garrus laughed humorlessly. "My point is, he made decisions I don't agree with, and he's made enough of them, without evidence to support his actions, that I don't trust him. Especially not around you. But I trust you, Shepard. That's why I feel comfortable leaving and letting you two catch up over a probably terrible dinner he burns." At Shepard's wide-eyed laugh, he added, "Okay, that was rude. Right after I did my best to be diplomatic."

"Well, it's good that you trust me. I'd hate to think you'd want to marry someone even though you didn't trust them." And then Shepard's eyes lit up. "Garrus. Let's get married."

His mandibles flared wide. "What?"

"This shore leave, let's do it," she said, standing suddenly and beginning to pace. "It's perfect. I mean, I thought before that we shouldn't do it until after, but if we do it now…."

She trailed off, not wanting to finish her sentence out loud. If they got married now, and if Shepard died - which she probably would - then her assets would be his. He would have the apartment - he would have everything she owned and everything to her name. He would be taken care of for life - the Alliance would see to it.

"Shepard, I don't want to look a given dog in the ear-"

"Gift horse in the mouth," Shepard corrected automatically. She loved that he tried to use human expressions and ended up butchering them.

"-whatever. I don't want to do that, but you... you were pretty sure you didn't want to until after we finished this war. Why the change of heart?"

Shepard put on her most convincing smile. "Because, I really want everyone to be here for it, and everyone is here already. Well, with the exception of Tali, Wrex, and Grunt, but they could be here in a few days. _And_ I am kind of getting the hang of wearing dresses."

Garrus looked at her as if he could see through the reason, but he only nodded. "If this is what you really want, Shepard, I would be happy to make you my wife right now.”

Shepard nodded, feeling tears prickling her eyes. She wasn't sure if it was out of excitement for the wedding, or out of fear that Garrus would soon be a widower.

 

* * *

 

"You're sure?" Shepard asked softly.

Hackett nodded. "Per your wedding tomorrow, I have it in the system that all death benefits will be transferred to Garrus Vakarian at your time of death. If Garrus is also deceased at your time of death, the benefits are to transfer to any kin, biological or adopted, that you may have. In the event that no suitable kin is found, ten years of benefits will be donated to foster programs across all homeworlds affected by the Reaper attacks."

Shepard nodded, feeling her chin trembling. She had never expected to be this emotional about money. "Thank you, sir."

Hackett nodded deeply. "Congratulations in advance, Commander. I wish I could be there tomorrow."

"You and Anderson are busy," Shepard said simply. "You'll be here in spirit, sir. And thank you... for all of your help. Captain Bailey seemed under the impression you had to be married at least two years for death benefits. And that death benefits had to be paid out to kin, not donated."

"Well... wartime calls for certain exceptions. Especially for the one woman who has risked her life more times than the rest of us combined."

Shepard felt a little pang of regret - she hated taking advantage, but she couldn't leave Garrus destitute. And if Garrus wasn't able to benefit, she knew there would be children everywhere who needed care. Orphans, like herself. "And the deed for the apartment?"

"I notarized your written addition of Garrus Vakarian," he agreed. "The electronic copy should get to you and Garrus sometime in the next week. Those pencil pushers in titles like to take their time."

"Thank you, sir," Shepard saluted.

"Thank you, Commander," he replied, returning the salute. Her vid screen fizzled out and was replaced with reflective blackness.

She turned to Liara who was sitting at the piano and tapping out a lovely tune on it. Glyph floated by the piano, silent for once.

"Would you be willing to give me away?" Shepard asked Liara. "At the wedding, I mean."

Liara turned, abandoning her song, and smiled widely. "Of course, Shepard. I would be honored."

The tears finally spilled over Shepard's bottom lids and she disintegrated into tears. Liara rushed to her, holding her close and brushing back her hair. She didn't say anything or try to comfort her, which was more comforting than if she had tried.

The door slid open and Vega stood in the doorway, looking confused and a little scared. "Ah…."

Liara shooed him away and he quickly ducked back through the front door with a, "I'm, ah, right out here... um... yeah."

Shepard composed herself, wiping her tears away and whispering, "Thank you."

Liara nodded, brushing Shepard's hair back from her face, where it had matted with tears. "If any of us make it through this, Shepard, it will be you."

Shepard shook her head. "That's the problem, Liara. What if I live and he dies? What if any of you die. I don't know if I can…" she swallowed and looked up at the ceiling, unblinking, trying to keep the tears at bay. "None of you are crew anymore. You're all my family. The people I need. If I lose any more of my family, how…."

 _And what about Leviathan?_ Shepard thought. She hadn't had any incidents in two days, but there was a niggling unrest in the back of her mind. She was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Liara leaned close, pressing her forehead to Shepard's. "Shepard. I love you. If I am to die in the coming battle, I want you to know that my death had meaning and everything I've done, everything I've become, is thanks to knowing you. You are the rock that keeps us all together in the storm, Shepard. And no matter what happens, I know that we all did all we could and we lived as fully as we could and nothing, _nothing_ was in vain."

Shepard's tears began to fall again and she let out a distressed sob. "Damnit, Liara, quit making me cry!" she laughed wetly.

Liara grinned and kissed Shepard's forehead. "I should go, then. Call me when you're ready to go dress shopping. I want to be there, and so does EDI. I think Miranda mentioned a pair of blue shoes she wanted you to borrow, too?"

Shepard nodded, wiping her face. "Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. It's a wedding tradition on Earth." She let out a shaking sigh. "Alright. I guess I better let Vega know the waterworks are over."

She and Liara walked to the door and Liara waved goodbye as she left. Vega was waiting awkwardly in the hallway outside of her door, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"Lola, are you-"

"No time to talk, James," she said, cracking her knuckles and moving her head from left to right, loosening it up. "We have a dance session scheduled, I think."

"That's my Lola," he crowed, already ducking down into a fighting stance, jabbing his way into the apartment.

 

* * *

 

EDI had scheduled an impromptu shopping session in Shepard's apartment later that night. She was flipping through holo catalogs, looking at items for all of the teammates. She managed to pick out inexpensive, and mostly humorous, items for all of them before turning to Shepard.

"For you," EDI said, presenting her with a velvet box. Inside was a charm in a metal Shepard didn't recognize, with a small gem that looked like an opal and diamond had a beautiful love child. "The talisman is layered with metal from each race's homeworld, woven together to make them stronger. I would have gotten you a ring, but I assumed that might send mixed messages."

Shepard shook her head. "EDI, this is too much. It's beautiful, but I can't accept-"

"Joker and I insist," EDI said simply. "You can wear it with your dog tags... to always remind you of all you fight for and all the people who look up to you."

Shepard swallowed and accepted the charm. "Thank you, EDI. And Joker, of course. This is... it's wonderful. I love it."

EDI smiled and this time it almost looked like her smile reached her eyes. "Then it was a success. I look forward to the wedding tomorrow, Commander. Until then."

After EDI left, Shepard was left sitting alone in her living room, wondering where Garrus had gotten himself to. It was right about then when the door opened, its hydraulics squealing. Shepard turned, but no one was there. She looked back to the vid screen in front of her, perplexed and more than a little concerned.

And then a bag covered her face and Shepard was being dragged out of her apartment.

 

* * *

 

She woke up to garish lights pulsing and her temple throbbing. She had terrible flashbacks to being kidnapped on Palaven, of Lark and Finch abusing her.  But instead of predatory killers, she was met with half-dressed men of all species, shaking their goods in tiny costumes or nothing at all.

"What the fuck?"

"Welcome to your bachelorette party, Shep!" Kasumi Goto crowed in her ear. Shepard turned, startled, and found Kasumi watching her. Her pupils were normal, no longer jagged, and she had a healthy glow to her cheeks.

"Surprised?" someone asked on her other side. Miranda, along with EDI and Liara sat to her other side. Liara was in the process of transferring credits to one of the male human dancers.

"Very," Shepard answered slowly, glancing around her at the all-male strip club. She hadn't even known there _was_ a strip club on the Citadel.

"It looks like our lady of the evening is awake!" a male turian on the stage growled sexily, staring right at Shepard. His voice reverberated through the room, bouncing around playfully through the speakers. "Why doesn't the biggest, baddest, _sexiest_ Commander to ever protect our galaxy come on up here?"

Cheering everywhere. Shepard's cheeks were red and she was shaking her head vehemently back and forth, saying, "No, no, no, that's really okay-"

"Come on, Shep, it'll be fun!" Kasumi giggled, taking the sputtering commander by the arm and steering her toward the stage.

 

* * *

 

Shepard got back home around 0300, finding Garrus sitting at the kitchen's island, drinking.

"Did they... did you...?" Shepard tried asking. Then, finally, "Strip club?"

Garrus looked at her, his eyes glassy and his expression somehow as shell-shocked as she felt. "You too?"

She nodded helplessly.

Garrus motioned her over but she went to the fridge first, grabbing a beer.  Opening it, she took a huge swig before going to Garrus, slipping onto his lap.  They were silent for a time, stuck in their own thoughts, drinking their beers until they were gone. Finally, Shepard murmured, "I guess, if I learned nothing else, I now know that you are blessed anatomically for a turian."

Garrus' mandibles flared. "And you for a human. I thought _you_ were too thin, but I think some of the girls there were literally starving. I tried to pay them in food, but evidently that's frowned upon."

Shepard laughed, shaking her head. "Yeah, I can see how that might be a little offensive."

"Is it bad that I got a bit turned on thinking of you in some of those costumes?" Garrus murmured, voice lowering. "Especially the one... um... cowboy? That one."

"Oh yeah?" Shepard couldn't help but giggle at that. "What did it for you?"

"I liked the hat. And the frilly things on her breasts."

Shepard bit her lower lip to keep from laughing. "Got it - cowboy hat and pasties. Now I know what to buy for tomorrow night." She slid off of his lap, took his hand and began to lead him toward the stairs. "You'll have to make due without them tonight, though."

"Oh, that won't be a challenge," he purred, grabbing her around the waist and hoisting her over his shoulder, bounding up the stairs.

 


	22. Starlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own shit. I swear. Except...
> 
>  **Chapter notes:** ...this motherfuckin' wedding! Let's do this!! 
> 
> **Chapter Warning:** Fluff so sweet it will melt your teeth - also some smut.
> 
> This chapter's title is thanks to the fantastic song ["Starlight," by Muse.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pgum6OT_VH8)
> 
> Enjoy, my ducklings!

"What about this one? I think Shepard would look nice in it."

"Oh, Liara, no. No, no, no, she needs something to show off her assets!” Kasumi exclaimed. "This is her _wedding_ and the entire _galaxy_ is going to be tuning in to see her. She can't look like some school marm."

Shepard's head whipped up at that. She had been trying to tune all of them out because they were driving her insane with all of their dress talk, but something caught her attention. "Wait, what? Galaxy? Tuning in?"

Kasumi blinked a few times, trying to appear innocent. "Well, of course. You're Commander Shepard! The media will be in a tizzy!"

"How did the media learn about it?" Shepard pressed.

Kasumi smiled coyly. "Well... I may or may not have sent some anonymous announcements."

"Kasumi!" Shepard groaned.

"Oh don't worry, C-Sec is sending a ton of officers - they'll keep the rabble contained."

“Since we’re admitting things,” Liara began hesitantly, looking slightly awkward and slightly amused all at once, “we also took the liberty of changing the wedding venue.”

“What?” Shepard exclaimed, starting the other shoppers around them.  Quieter, but no less flummoxed, she demanded, “To where?  Why?”

“Don’t worry about that,” Miranda cooed, running a hand over Shepard’s hair.  “Just… let us take care of this.  Commander Jane Shepard should not be getting married in some sad chaplain’s office.”

Shepard was about to interject that the bride should know where she was getting married, but EDI took that moment to hold up a lacy strip of white, sheer cloth.  It looked like it did very little to cover any _assets,_ as Kasumi would say.  "What about this?"

Miranda covered her mouth, trying to hide a smile. "EDI, wow, that is... that is not for a wedding ceremony."

"No, but it would be good for _after_ the wedding ceremony," Liara interjected, turning her blue eyes from the lingerie to Shepard.  “You would look very good in it.”

Shepard tried not to blush and was saved from finding something to say.  EDI glanced at the lacy thing she held, regarding it. "It looks similar to my outfit and it is in the appropriate white. I don't understand why it is not suitable."

"Well," Miranda attempted tactfully, "you have been confused with a sexbot on multiple occasions, so... why don't you puzzle that one out?"

EDI thought for less than a second and then nodded, dropping the lacy thing into Kasumi's lap. "After analyzing, I realize my error and agree that it would be more suited for the private evenings at home."

Shepard was still annoyed about the media and change of venue, but she did manage to crack a smile at that. "Good looking out, guys. I almost chose that for a wedding gown."

"With your fashion sense, I wouldn't be surprised," Kasumi jibed.

"Shepard's made improvements," Miranda defended her. "She picked out _two_ dresses on this shore leave and both were lovely. Although they are now in the trash chute since she can't avoid firefights long enough for anything pretty to survive."

"Hah," Shepard replied, moving through the racks. She selected a simple strapless dress with a bell skirt that ended at the knees and a blue sash around the waist. Shepard turned, holding it up to her, and the others tilted their heads like confused varren.

"It's simple," Miranda mused. "Not my taste, but I think you would look nice."

"If it was a lower cut, I think it'd be perfect," Kasumi agreed.

"I love it. It's already perfect for you, Shepard," Liara said kindly. Shepard noticed the tears pricking in the corners of her eyes but said nothing, only smiled.

EDI also nodded. "It is most appealing."

"Now let's go get it sized and we're all done!" Kasumi exclaimed, running off to find one of the attendants.

 

* * *

 

On their way back to the apartment from lunch, dresses all encased in protective sheaths, the woman stopped to gaze in at all of the different shoes for sale. Shepard had never been very interested in shoes that weren't practical and combat-ready, but the others were. Shepard decided to wait outside while the women hunted for sales.

“Heard you were planning a party,” a rich, silly voice cooed in Shepard’s ear. The commander turned quickly to find Jack leaning over the back of her bench, smirking.

“Jack!” Shepard exclaimed, getting to her feet to roughly pull the Alliance teacher into a bruising hug. “I'm so glad you could make it!”

“I'd never miss a chance to party with you, Shepard,” Jack laughed, hugging her back with much less hesitation than Shepard had expected.

“...Jack?”

The biotic pulled away from Shepard and turned to find Miranda watching them, for once looking sheepish. Embarrassed.

Shepard expected Jack to yell at her. To demand answers for why she'd left without a word. But Jack only smiled faintly. “Hey, cheerleader.”

Miranda glanced between Shepard and Jack before murmuring, “I was heading back to the apartment to drop these off,” she said, shuffling her bags. “Do you…  want to come up for a drink?”

Shepard nudged Jack and Jack bit her lower lip, looking torn.  But she shrugged, rubbed a hand over the shaved back of her head, and nodded. “Yeah. I'd like that.”

 

* * *

 

Shepard had only had a few minutes to talk with Tali, who had just arrived for the wedding, before she was whisked away by Miranda for a 'makeover.' All it ended up entailing was fixing Shepard's hair into loose waves and putting eyeliner on her.

"Simple," Shepard nodded in approval.

"I know you well enough - dolling up isn't your thing," Miranda chuckled, brushing a wand of clear lipgloss over Shepard's lips. "I brought over those shoes for you, too, by the way. They match your sash and don't have heels, so I am sure you'll love them."

Shepard smiled. "Thank you. It means a lot to have you here."

Miranda looked slightly uncomfortable but pleased. "I haven't been a good enough friend to you, Shepard, but you've been wonderful to me. I wanted to give back in any way I could."

"I also snagged this for you," Kasumi said, flickering into view as her cloak fizzled out. She slipped a simple bangle around Shepard's wrist - black, inlaid with small blue stones.

"Kasumi, I don't think _something stolen_ is part of the tradition," Shepard chided but smiled anyway. "Thank you, it's gorgeous."

"Stolen, new, same difference," Kasumi shrugged.

Tali knocked on the door and stepped in, her glowing eyes blinking rapidly. "Shepard, EDI mentioned your tradition and I would be honored if you had this."

She pressed a square of cloth into Shepard's hand. It was old and soft, worn and discolored, but it had a gorgeous design that seemed to shift from blue to green to plum as it moved through the cloth.

"It is a tradition in my culture," Tali began, her voice sounding thick, "that each woman is given a worry token when she accepts a bondmate. It is for when the road is long or tough or you feel like no one is with you. You hold it close, and rub it between your fingers, and you will be reminded of all of those who love you. My great, great grandmother made this one. It was passed on to me when Kal'Reegar and I were bonded and it would mean more to me than you can imagine if you were to keep it now."

Shepard took Tali into a hug, too moved for words.

"Well, that takes care of something old. But what about you not having a worry token?" Kasumi asked.

Tali chuckled. "I received two at my bonding - one from Kal's mother, who had no daughters of her own, and the one from Auntie Raan, who cannot have children. It is also tradition to give away one if two are received and there is no one more befitting a worry token than Shepard."

Shepard laughed as she pulled away, not wanting to dwell on how true that was.

 

* * *

 

There had been talk of blindfolding Shepard on the drive to the new venue, _for maximum shock factor,_ Kasumi said, but it was eventually ruled out.  No one wanted Shepard’s makeup smudging all over because her eyes were covered on the fifteen-minute drive in a car that, for some reason, had no central air.

When they arrived, Shepard was momentarily confused.  As she stepped out of the car, she was met with two dozen armed C-Sec guards who were keeping the crowds of people and reporters contained.  She glanced around, letting her eyes adjust to the bright lights of the Citadel Tower.  

Liara took her arm gently and began leading her to the elevator that would whisk them toward the renewed Council’s Chambers.

“Oh my God,” Shepard murmured, feeling the tears coming.

“Keep the waterworks in check, Shep,” Kasumi nudged her as they walked toward the elevator.

“We didn’t bring any backup mascara,” Miranda added.  

“And you don’t want to look like a pansy,” Jack added.

“Keelah, it’s her wedding - give her a moment,” Tali murmured, gently rubbing Shepard’s back.  

Shepard knew what she would see before the elevator doors opened.  Garrus was standing in the same spot as he had when Shepard had first met him.  The blush of cherry blossom trees behind him was the same as it had been then.  The only difference was that all of their friends and family were assembled.  Even Castis and Solana were there, the young female gingerly supporting herself on a healing broken leg.

Shepard bit back her tears and smiled, looking between all of the people who loved her enough to take time out of their days to be there. 

And then Liara was leading her gently toward Garrus.

Shepard was finding it hard to breathe past all of the emotions.  He was watching her and she could see the love in his eyes.  The way he didn’t blink.  The way his mandibles wiggled softly, so softly it was almost impossible to see.  He was drinking her in the same was she drank him in.

When Liara and Shepard came to stand in front of Garrus, he chuckled.  His voice was flanging heavily as he murmured, “Commander Shepard, I’m Garrus Vakarian.”

Shepard snorted, covering her mouth with a hand.  His first words to her.  His first words on this very spot, way back when he was a disgruntled C-Sec officer.  His first words that melted her to the core with that voice, those eyes....  “Sounds like you’ve thought about that meeting a lot,” she teased him in an undertone.

“Every goddamn day,” he agreed.  “I think about so many other things, too.”

Liara kissed Shepard’s cheek and put the hand she had been holding into Garrus’.  “I, Liara T’Soni, and we, the crew of the Normandy, and your friends, join you to Garrus Vakarian.  May you both be as blessed and as happy as you are today.”

Garrus squeezed Shepard’s hand.  “Thank you, Liara.”

“Thank you,” Shepard agreed, voice trembling slightly.  She looked up at Garrus and couldn’t help the smile that spread over her face when their free hands found on another.  “Garrus, I… I’m not good with words, you know that.”

“I do,” Garrus chuckled, and those assembled laughed.

Shepard bit her lower lip to contain her grin.  “Even so.  I am going to try.  Because you’re worth it and because I want you to know, here and now, that I regret nothing.  Because everything that has happened - Saren, Cerberus, the Reapers - has led me to you.  Over and over again, your face is the one that I’ve wanted to see more than any other.  And somehow the universe keeps rewarding me.  Reuniting me.  With you.”

Garrus squeezed her hands and when he spoke, his voice was deep, choked, nearly clogged with emotion.  “Jane.  It’s been a really long four, almost five, years.  We’ve seen some shit,” he added, making those assembled laugh and Shepard hiccup past the lump in her throat.  “Even so.  This whole thing, this whole mess, wouldn’t be possible to live through without you.  Not just because you’ve led the fight against it all.  Not just because you’re the savior of the Citadel, the badass who took down the Collector base, or the woman who is going to completely destroy the Reapers.  It’s because… because you’re a true friend.  Look around us,” he added, but his eyes never left hers.  “We are surrounded by people who are here to celebrate you.  You’ve done this.  You alone.  You… there’s just something about you that makes all of us want to follow you into Hell.

“And let me take a minute to repeat a few things.  I will follow you anywhere you go.”  He dropped her hands and took her face into his palms, talons in her hair.  “There’s no Vakarian without Shepard.”

Shepard flung herself into his arms and pressed her lips into his face plates.  The cheering was deafening but Shepard couldn’t hear it over the rush of love coursing through her body.  

 

* * *

 

"If you told me I would be a groomsman for a turian one day, I think I would have told you that you were loco," Vega admitted as he kicked back, taking a gulp from his bottle of beer. "Especially if you told me this ugly turian snagged a sexy little number like Lola," he added, winking her way.

Shepard rolled her eyes, plopping a french fry in her mouth. They were sitting at a 24 hour diner that was famous for their greasy Earth food. The entire group had pushed four tables together and were eating, laughing, and making other patrons complain.

"Vega, you're flirting with a married woman now," Shepard warned with a playful smile. "You gotta watch that shit. My husband might decide to do something."

"Ah, I'm not worried," Garrus shrugged, sipping his dextro-smoothie that looked more like moss sludge than anything else. "Why would Shepard ever decided to leave her cohort in all of her adventures for some upstart who can barely reach his shoelaces?"

"Hey, who needs to tie their shoes when you got these muscles to woo ladies into doing it for you?"

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "Did that sound better in your head?"

Vega thought about it. "Much."

Shepard looked down the table, unable to keep the thought of de Vinci's The Last Supper, which in turn reminded her of the SR-2 crew’s dinner before the Omega-4 jump. She hadn't felt the pressures of the war at all over the past five days. She hadn't even felt Leviathan sulking around her head. But it was all looming, there in the near future, the moment she stepped back onto the Normandy and took up command again.

Garrus squeezed her hand under the table and she forced a smile. "I'm fine," she said softly.

Garrus didn't question - he didn't need to. He knew her better than she sometimes knew herself. "Well, if it's alright with the rest of you vagabonds, I would like to take Shepard back home and call it a night."

Kasumi catcalled and Vega made some grunting noises while pretending the table was an amorous partner. Nearby patrons rolled their eyes and shot dirty looks at them, but Shepard laughed and didn't care. They deserved to have some fun, to have some moments of childishness.

Shepard and Garrus paid the tab for the table and then hopped in the next cab that stopped. They didn't talk about the war and they didn't talk about Leviathan. Instead they made stupid jokes and corny come-ons between kisses.

When they arrived at their apartment, Shepard hesitated outside the door, making Garrus regard her oddly.  “What are you doing?”

“Carry me over the threshold,” she said, eyes glinting.

Garrus didn’t ask - he scooped her up in his arms and carried her into the apartment, thumbing the keypad to lock the door, and began to carry her up the stairs.  “So, what was that about?  Not that I’m complaining, any chance to carry you around is fine by me.”

Shepard chuckled, kissing his neck.  “It’s a human tradition.  One partner carries the other over the threshold of their home after getting married.”

Garrus’ mandible flicked out against her cheek.  “I see.  What other post-marriage traditions do your people have?”

“Hmm,” Shepard hummed.  “The only one I’m thinking of right now is the one where the groom takes the bride to their room and makes love to her all night long.”

“Well, I knew there had to be a reason I agreed to this,” he teased her, brushing a kiss across her lips as he took her to their bedroom, gently laying her down on the bed.  

Shepard sat up and reached behind her to undo her dress, but Garrus stopped her, his hands curling around hers.  “Leave it on,” he murmured.  

“I got some of those pasties,” Shepard began with a smirk.  “And a cowboy hat.”

Garrus chuckled, leaning in to kiss her again.  “There’s time for that later.  You said all night, right?”

Shepard felt her heart melting.  It wasn’t the first time he’d done it - brought her to such peaks of adoration.  But it always felt new and overwhelming when it happened.  She stretched upward to meet his face plates with her lips, caressing her tongue across his teeth carefully, bumping against his tongue.

Garrus let out a gentle thrum and lowered himself on top of her, pushing her down onto the bedspread, his hands to either side of her head.  He kissed her, dragging his long tongue through her mouth, over her lower lip, and then followed the curve of her jaw down to her neck.  

Shepard was already moaning, her eyes closed in reverie.  Garrus knew the expression - it was one of absolutely relaxation, absolute surrender to the feelings he was eliciting in her.  He took only a few moments to admire it before his tongue returned to her neck.  He nipped his way down the long, slender stretch of skin and to her collarbone, covering the thin skin with his nipping kisses.

He reached behind her, Shepard propping herself up to give him better access, and he unzipped her dress slowly, watching her green eyes as they regarded him.  They were heavy, drooping, and full of love.

He carefully peeled the dress off of her and was surprised to find a sheer lacy contraption below it.  It looked like slender pieces of cloth crisscrossing over her nipples and sex.  It made his breath hitch in his throat.

“EDI picked it out,” she chuckled breathily.

Garrus stared at it for a while, awestruck, before whispering, “You… you’ve been wearing this… all night?”

Shepard smirked.  “Yeah.”

Garrus growled low in the back of his throat.  If he had known this was below the dress, he would have never been able to keep his cock inside his plates through the ceremony.  Or dinner.  He would have never been able to keep his hands off of her in the cab ride.

Shepard wiggled and her breasts pushed against the lace.  It was almost obscene how erotic it was.  Garrus watched her move and felt his cock pushing out between the seam of his plates, unbidden but unable to be contained.

“Are you gonna stare or get this thing off of me?” she purred, grabbing his hand and hooking one of his talons around a strip of cloh over her breast.

Garrus almost slid his buffed but still sharp talon over the thin material, almost tore it to pieces.  He hesitated, though, before thrumming.  He slid the strip of cloth between her legs out of the way before sliding inside of her.

Shepard whimpered and gripped his arms, the soft leather of the bend of his elbows, nails digging into them   Her head pressed back into the bed, her chest straining against the white lace, nipples hard peaks.

Garrus watched her move below him, matching his rhythm.  He took a moment to admire how her curls were loosening in her chin-length hair, how her eyelids fluttered over her eyes, how they opened to watch him with wonder and desire.

“Thank you,” she panted, her hands coming up to his neck, caressing.

Garrus wasn’t sure what she was thanking him for as he thrust into her, slow and deep, watching her breath escaping her slightly parted lips.  She must have noticed his confusion because she smiled softly, nails scratching across his throat.  “For everything.”

Garrus’ only response was to lean down and kiss her forehead, the only part of her his body would allow him to reach without suffocating her.

Shepard pressed against his cowl, pushing him off of her gently before rolling him over onto his back, his legs over the edge of the bed and his upper body leaning back on his arms.  She climbed on top of him, her shapely thighs on either side of him.  She slowly lowered herself onto his erection and Garrus growled softly, admiring the view.

“Thank you,” he replied finally, brushing a hand across her cheek, lowering it to cup her breast.  The scratchy lace tickled his palm but he didn’t pay it any attention.  He sat up slowly, one arm secured around the back of her waist, holding her securely to him.  Face to face, he nuzzled his head into her vanilla scented neck.  “For everything.”

Shepard purred against his mandible, her pace slowing, becoming deeper.  Garrus reached down between their joined bodies, a finger finding the engorged nub of her arousal, pressing against it.  Shepard’s movements rubbed it against his finger and she began gasping and panting at the building climax.

“Garrus,” she whispered.  “Garrus, I….”

She came with a shudder, her face falling onto his shoulder as she shook.  Garrus held her closer to him, burying his face into her hair, whispering her name as his orgasm rose around them.

It engulfed him in a rush, his seed spilling into her, his breathing coming out in a harsh rush.

They slumped together for a few moments, their breaths slowing, their brains coming down from their bliss.

“Let me try that again,” Shepard whispered softly into his shoulder.  “Garrus Vakarian.  I love you.”

It was the first time she had said it out loud, but Garrus had known.  Of course he had known.  He had always known.  Shepard had rarely needed words to make her intentions clear.  Her affections were no exception.

Even so… the words stirred his heart.  There was a feeling like his chest had become too small to contain it, to contain the rush of love.

“Jane Shepard,” he responded with more emotion that he thought possible.  “I have always loved you.”


	23. Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything! 
> 
> This chapter's title song is ["Truth," by Alexander.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_atFMCUJ1o) Please enjoy!

 

The next morning, Shepard awoke in a blissful, lazy mood.

But something kept needling at the back of her mind. Something about how everyone else got to do that one final thing before they went on their suicide mission to the Collector base. That one thing that they needed to do before their possible demise.

As she curled up against Garrus, his cool carapace against her warm flesh, the images got clearer. A beautiful, elfin face. The short cropped, blonde hair. The bright green eyes, so mischievous and terrifying.

"Fuck," Shepard groaned, burying her face into Garrus' cowl.

"Hmm?" he hummed, turning his head slightly to brush his face against her hair.

"There's one more thing I need to do before we go for the Illusive Man."

Garrus was alert in that way Shepard could never understand. It was as if a switch was flipped and he was no-nonsense. "What happened?"

Shepard shook her head, annoyed at herself - both for forgetting to do this sooner and for remembering it at all.

"I need to kill Priscilla Huerta."

 

* * *

 

Lark hated having long hair. She hated it so much that she suffered, daily, through her private hairdresser weaving false strands in around her own, turning her pixie cut into long tresses that looked fit for a princess. Every morning, a minimum of three hours were spent on her hair alone.

Luckily, Lark was so used to it that she didn't flinch anymore and sometimes dozed on her vanity chair. Other times, it gave her a few hours to send extranet messages to Robin, her newest second-in-command with The Reds. He wasn't as gung-ho as Finch had been, which was both a blessing and a curse. It was easier to rein someone in when they didn't have the balls to stand on their own - it was also harder to trust them in command of the ground troops, though.

"Nala, would you be a dear and get me a diet soda from the fridge?" she asked sweetly when she saw her omni-tool buzzing with an incoming, encrypted call. Probably Robin. Again.

Nala, her quarian hairdresser - she never failed to wonder if quarians had hair under those environmental suits, and if so, how terrible did it look? - turned and walked silently out of Lark's bedroom. The girl was supposedly a mute; an "indentured servant" Lark picked up on Illium, where they hated using the world slave even though that's exactly what she was. With the price of room, board, and food that Lark supplied her, Nala wouldn't get out of her indentured servitude unless it was in a body bag.

"Speaking," Lark announced tersely as she accepted the encrypted call - she wasn't sure if this was for her, Priscilla, or her, Lark. It was quite confusing at times since a person could only be coded to one omni-tool at a time. Living two personas was never easy, but sometimes it proved worth the annoyances.

"About time. I've tried four times this morning. Sleeping in?"

Lark smiled easily. "Hello, duckling. I was busy earlier - I have other clients, you know. So, is Shepard taken care of?"

"I have no idea what you mean. I am Shepard."

Lark rolled her eyes, unable to keep the smile from her lips. "Right, sorry about that, Commander. I hadn't heard from you in a few days, and then I saw some strange footage of a wedding? And for heaven's sake, take that distorter off of your omni-tool. You're the real deal now, what's the point?"

The clone laughed on the other end and then the distortion was gone. "It's a habit. Anyway, as for the wedding, I have to keep up appearances. I figure a quick, clean death for the Commander's lover on the battlefield would be less suspicious than dropping him like a hotcake.

"Mmm, might be messy," Lark replied softly, narrowing her eyes. She wasn't a fan of messy. Not when it could cause a global uproar.

"Nah. No one can avoid friendly fire completely. And with so much turmoil, who would ever know it was my rifle that pieced the back of that fucker's head?"

Lark giggled. "You thought this through. Dinner tonight?"

"When and where?"

"1900, my place - same as always. Oh, damn, I forgot to ask how our little Miss Brooks is faring?"

"Dead, along with all of the mercs. Couldn't leave loose ends."

"Shepard, you're ruthless and I love it. See you later."

She turned the communication off right as Nala came back in, carrying a glass of soda. "Thank you, love," she said to the quarian, who silently went back to weaving Priscilla Huerta's long tresses into Lark's short ones.

Lark stared at herself in the mirror and smirked wryly. The clone was dead. Lark had known that from the second she'd missed their briefing call. And now Lark knew Shepard was coming for her. 

“This might get interesting,” she murmured, sipping her soda. 

 

* * *

Garrus stood across from Shepard, who was on her second drink. "Do you think she bought it?"

"No idea," Shepard grimaced. She had made her vodka and cranberry juice stronger this time around. Her hands were shaking and she couldn't make them stop. Somewhere along the line, Lark had become a bogeyman in Shepard's psyche. "I guess we won't really know until we show up."

Her doorbell chimed and Shepard jumped. Garrus had never seen her so spooked - but she was planning on facing down Lark. Facing down the woman who Shepard herself could have become if she hadn't left the Reds. 

"It's probably the others," Garrus soothed. "Stay here, I'll get it."

Shepard sat at the island in her kitchen, analyzing the new cherry oak cabinetry and trying to get her mind off of the fact that her blood was probably the same color as the varnish that soaked the wood.

She couldn't stop looking at the scars from where Finch had carved her old prison tattoos back into her flesh - how she had nearly bled out after he cut through veins and tissue and muscle. She remembered how sweet Lark had appeared when she first came in, cleaning the blood from Shepard's many abused parts and then feeding her soup.

Only to help Finch continue the abuse after gaining Shepard's trust.

Shepard shuddered and curled in on herself. It was probably close to eighty degrees in the room, but the cold was inside of her. She couldn't will it away.

Kasumi, Tali, and Liara entered, all looking serious. Shepard hadn't given them details on what this 'off the record' mission was about, but by the looks of concern on their face, Garrus must have given them the synopsis.

They were planning on killing the United North American States' Speak of the House. In her UNAS issued penthouse, in the middle of a crowded building, surrounded by dignitaries and politicians.

"What do we know?" Shepard asked.

"Not much," Liara sighed softly. "But what we know isn't good."

 

* * *

The penthouse was located in the middle of Diamond Square, the poshest urban area of the Citadel. Lark's building was smaller than most in the area - it was composed of less than 100 units, as opposed to its over one-thousand unit neighbors.

"What it lacks in people, it makes up for in security," Kasumi said, her hand tracing over the holo blueprint that Liara had acquired. "We have two security guards at each entrance to the building," she added, pointing out all of the doorways. "On the lobby floor, they have over-the-top heat signature cameras, so my cloaking won't work. And, there are anywhere from four to six security guards, depending on the time of the day. Peak times have more guards."

"1900 hours is a peak time, I take it?"

Kasumi chuckled. "That's where you got lucky. At 1855, there's a change of the security team. There should only be three active members who would be paying enough attention to warrant us worrying about them. You need to check in at concierge, though, and who knows how long that guy might hold you up for. My suggestion is to be ready to sign an autograph or two, shake his hand, and then tell him you have to get going.

"Also," Kasumi continued, "the whole place is wired up like a Christmas tree - instead of pretty twinkling lights, you have security cameras. There's no way any of us are going to escape detection. Huerta probably has a few paid folks in her pockets, so we need to keep that in mind - even if we trick the security, we might not trick her staff."

Shepard's head smacked her upturned palm as she let out a heavy sigh. Her entire posture admitted defeat - something no one in the room was used to. "How do we do the deed, then?"

"Carefully. The security team is all uniformed," Tali announced, transferring a picture to Shepard's omni-tool. "All black with orange lapels and cuffs. I would suggest not making eye contact or act fidgety Since Huerta mentioned Shepard has visited her before, you alone won't acquire too much attention if you play it cool."

"Me alone," Shepard repeated. She was worried about that. "So, how will we get everyone in?"

"Easy enough for me," Liara murmured gently, running a hand over her dress. Shepard hadn't even noticed she was dressed so regally. "Being the Shadow Broker, I was able to pull a few strings and take occupancy of one of their penthouses for the weekend. It just so happens to be next door from Huerta's - they even share a balcony terrace. I've already spoken with the manager and she understands that an asari with a fake name and credentials will be staying for the evening." At Shepard's raised eyebrow, Liara shrugged. "It pays to have agents galaxy-wide, even in small-time positions like apartment management."

"The manager was also alerted that a new wait-staff member will be coming in for one night only," Kasumi grinned coyly. "I'll be the one bringing your food up to you and Huerta. Supposedly she always orders in from the bistro on the bottom floor. She gets a chicken Caesar salad and Shepard orders a steak, medium-rare, with duchess potatoes."

Shepard watched her blankly. "What the hell are duchess potatoes?"

Kasumi shrugged. "I dunno. Something fancy?"

Garrus steered them back on track, running his talons over Shepard's back in soothing circles. "So, Tali, how do you come in?"

Tali let out a little huff, which sounded like a blast of static through her vocoder. "The same way I infiltrate everything… the vents."

 

* * *

 

Lark forced herself to keep her hair extensions in, if only for the fact that Nala didn't have time to start taking them out before Shepard arrived. She did, however, take the time to touch up her makeup and nail polish.

When a knock came on the door, Lark smiled and waited.  She sat at her vanity, the blood red of her nails gleaming wetly as she listened.

The knock came again, and this time it was sharp, at the edge of being pissed off.

Lark stood and left her bedroom, gracing to the front door and opening it in one deft move. "Commander. Same as usual for dinner?"

"Sure," Shepard said simply, seeming bored. She pushed past Lark and into the room, wearing a simple black tank top, black leggings, and flat knee-high black boots.

"Impatient as ever," Lark chided her, hiding her annoyance and shutting the door softly behind her, careful not to smudge her nails on anything. She moved over to the kitchen and pressed a button on the wall.

A voice filtered through the room, "Yes, Miss Huerta? What can we get you?"

"Chicken Caesar," she replied, pausing a moment to blow on her nails gently. "And one of your nicest steaks, medium rare. Anything with your steak, Shepard?" she turned her cool eyes back to the Commander, who was slouching down at the dinner table, looking bored.

"Duchess potatoes," she replied as if it was obvious.

"With a side of the duchess potatoes," Lark continued. "And a bottle of champagne - we’re celebrating."

"Right away, Miss Huerta."

Lark disconnected and went over to the living room, collapsing onto her white leather couch. "Shepard, come on over here and regale me with your tale of triumph. I want to here every sickening last second that bitch was alive."

 

* * *

 

Tali could feel herself sweating, despite her environmental suit attempting to cool her down by circulating air faster around her face. Little did her suit know, however, she was slowly inching along a long tunnel of air ducts, her slim body not quite as slim in the tummy area as it used to be.

She cursed Kal'Reeger for being quick to make her a mother. The bump was still easily hidden by her suit, but being in the air ducts made it very noticeable.

" _ Keelah _ , no one told me pregnancy would make me sweat like a demon," she muttered softly to herself.

The closer she came to the air duct marked 621 - AD1, the slower she got. She couldn't risk making any noise this close to the main air duct leading into Lark's apartment.

She inched along, her belly scraping the dusty air shaft and causing momentary alarm bells in her brain. What if her suit tore? She would probably only have a mild infection from exposure, but what would happen to the baby?

And then, as she came up to the vent opening 621- AD1, the unthinkable happened.

She sneezed.

 

* * *

 

Lark's head whipped around, interrupting Shepard's story. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Shepard sighed, leaning back in her chair.

Lark puzzled over that for a moment, glancing around the room. No one else was there. Nala was still in the bedroom, probably getting everything ready to take Priscilla's weave off. 

"It sounded like metal scraping across metal - really shrill and harsh, but quick."

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "You're in multi-family housing. It could literally be anything. Maybe a mouse in the air ducts?"

Lark shuddered in revulsion and scooted farther down the couch, away from the air duct above her. "Gross."

"Anyway, like I was saying-"

 

* * *

 

"You. Hey, you! Asian!"

Kasumi really tried not to roll her eyes as she turned slowly, plastering on the biggest, fakest smile she could. "Yes, Chef?"

"Get this order up to 412. Hey, Alaine, get over here and grab Huerta's plates. You know how she gets if Shepard’s food is cold."

"I'll take Huerta's!" Kasumi said a little too eagerly, running over and grabbing the two plates that were destined for room 621.

"You're new, you're not going anywhere near the queen bee, so get the other cart and get a move on!"

Kasumi gritted her teeth but did as she was told. She loitered a bit so that she and Alaine were walking together to the elevators. "Shame about all this, huh?" Kasumi asked, trying to be friendly. "All this food and they're probably just going to throw it all up so they keep their figures."

Alaine smiled - she had a nice smile, very open and honest. It made Kasumi feel dirty for what she was about to do. "No kidding. My friend works as a housekeeper for half of these schmucks. You wouldn't believe the shit they find when they go in there."

The two sidled up next to one another in the elevator. "Which floor was yours on, again?" Alaine asked nicely as the doors closed, her finger hovering over the buttons.

"Sixth," Kasumi said, feeling like a complete asshole when she punched the poor girl right in her button nose. The girl dropped like a sack of potatoes and Kasumi effortlessly shoved her into the cabin compartment of the food trolley. Hopefully she'd sleep right through the whole ordeal.

On the sixth floor, Kasumi wheeled both trolleys out, leaving one in the landing and pushing the other toward penthouse 621. She intercepted Liara in the middle of the hallway and they walked quietly, without a word, toward 621.

When Kasumi knocked, she heard a very faint, "Come in!"

 

* * *

 

Liara busted the door down with her biotics the moment their invitation was heard. There was another clatter inside of the apartment at the same moment. Liara and Kasumi came around the corner to find Tali in the middle of the living room, covered in dust and looking utterly disheveled. Her gun was up and pointed directly at Lark's head.

It took Liara a few seconds to make sense of everything she was seeing. Once she did, she faltered, her biotics fading from her hands. Kasumi's gun dipped slightly, but she didn't put it away.

Lark was standing close to Tali and Shepard on her knees in front of the petite blonde.  Lark had a gun pressed against the base of Shepard’s skull.  Lark’s smile was pristine as she looked at Liara and Kasumi. "Ladies, welcome. I expected Shepard's turian lover, not a girl power team. I guess a turian working in a kitchen would raise a few alarms, though?"

"Lark," Shepard began, but Lark smacked her across the face with her free hand. The sound rang through the room.

"Don't talk, Shepard. I think you've done enough of that for a lifetime." She looked back up, ignoring Tali's gun.  "Here's the thing, ladies. If any one of you make a single move, I pull this trigger."

"I can pull this trigger before you even know," Tali hissed.

Lark laughed and the sound was like a tinkling bell. "Really? Then pull the trigger, duckling.  Fucking try it."

Everything was silent for a moment. No one moved.

"Kill her," Shepard ordered into the silence. It earned her another cuff on the side of the face.

But no one moved.

"So, now that we're at this impasse," Lark said smoothly, "I suggest you two clear away from the doorway. We wouldn't want some innocent bystander to step in and get involved in this."

"Why'd you do it?" Shepard asked finally. "Why'd you join the Reds?"

Lark laughed again. "Shepard, this isn't some terrible, cliched Earth movie. I won't start spouting my villainous plots to you. I know better than that." She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "I will, however, let you in on a secret - the Reds were shit when you were around, I know that. I'm sorry you went through the stuff you did as a kid. I know all about how Finch and the other boys treated their lady compatriots.  The violence. I put a stop to that, you know."

"Oh, fabulous," Shepard spit out. "You turned them off of raping girls who needed protection - now they just abuse and murder them."

"You're right, abuse is abuse is abuse. But what Finch and I did to you... that wouldn't be tolerated in our ranks. We would never treat one of our own like we treated you. But you're a different breed, Shepard. You betrayed your compatriots. You betrayed your species. I mean, a turian?" She chuckled again. "The second I saw the wedding vids, I knew the clone was dead. Not to mention all the scars - the clone hadn't seen battle yet, duckling. Showing up sporting all of these old wounds and nicks? Silly mistake."

"So you admit you're a terrorist? Priscilla Huerta? Lark?" Shepard grunted as Lark shoved the gun harder against her temple.

"You're damn right I admit it," Lark hissed.

At that statement, a few things happened at the same time.

A quarian girl stumbled out of the bedroom, making high, keening noises and throwing herself at Tali, sobbing. 

Alaine, the kitchen girl, came to and groggily flopped out of the trolley cart, holding her bruised and bloody nose.

And the balcony door exploded into a shower of glass.

Kaidan Alenko and Garrus Vakarian stepped through the broken glass, guns trained on the blonde.  

“Who the fuck-” Lark began, craning her head to look at them.  Her gun did not waiver from Shepard’s head.

“Spectre Kaidan Alenko, you fucking bitch!” he shouted.  “You’re under arrest for treason, terrorism, and attempted murder of a Council Spectre.  Get on the fucking ground!”

Lark's startled look turned to one of peaceful acceptance. "I see," she murmured softly. "You've been recording and transmitting this the whole time?"

"Just had to get you talking," Shepard agreed.  “I'm honestly surprised it was this simple, Lark. You've lost your touch.”

Lark shook her head, chuckling softly. "I suppose so," she smirked. "Good game, Shepard. I guess the best woman won, huh, duckling?"

With that she turned her gun onto her own temple, pulling the trigger. She collapsed into Shepard's lap, her blood spilling all over the commander's skin.


	24. The Parting Glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
> 
>  **Chapter notes:** Citadel DLC is drawing to a close. :( We're getting close to the end of the story, too! Counting this chapter, there are only 4 left.
> 
> This chapter's title song is ["The Parting Glass," from The Walking Dead.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPTxl_gT-mU)

It ended up being a calm night. With news of Priscilla Huerta's criminal persona sweeping the feeds like a wildfire, Shepard and the others decided it would be best to spend their last night on shore leave at her apartment. Shepard had bought more booze than advisable to be consuming the night before a faster than light jump, but she figured that would a worry for another day.

Kaidan took a seat beside Shepard. She had somehow ended up alone in the living room, staring at the fire with the ice in her tumbler melting. She glanced up at him when he sat down and offered a faint smile. "Thanks for saving my bacon today."

Kaidan chuckled and she heard the slight tremor in his voice. He seemed nervous - his fingers kept fidgeting with the label on his beer bottle. "Yeah, well, you would have done the same for me."

Shepard let the silence stretch on that before sighing. "I'm sorry, Kaidan. I'm sorry I've been a shitty friend. Hell, I haven't even been a friend at all. We went through some shit and it just..."

Kaidan nodded. "Tore us apart. I get it; your head was, _is,_ in the game. You aren't selfish, like the rest of us lowly organics," he chuckled and then winced. "Sorry. That sounded way less offensive in my head." When Shepard didn't answer he hesitated. "Can I ask you something? And I know I shouldn't, but I just... I have to know."

Shepard spread her arms. "Go for it. If you don't ask now, when will you? We might not make it through Earth."

"Or the Illusive Man's base," Kaidan reminded before shaking his head. "I just... I want to know if...." He paused. "Could you have pulled the trigger if it was Garrus and not me?"

Shepard leaned back into her chair, swallowing. "If Garrus was standing between me and keeping the councilors safe from Udina?" At Kaidan's nod, Shepard smiled sadly. "I would have pulled the trigger, yes. My personal feelings have nothing to do with my missions."

"Kill the spider to save the butterflies," he said, letting out a deep sigh. "How do you do it? How do you deal with it?"

Shepard shrugged. The leather chair was cool on her bared arms. "I don't. I deflect it." Kaidan raised an eyebrow and Shepard continued, "I push everything aside. All of my misgivings, all of the choices I made that I didn't like. I've had to learn to let them go or at least push them back so that I can keep going. So I don't collapse into a heap like I used to, back when this war first started. When Ash died."

"Do you ever dream about her?"

Shepard closed her eyes. "Every night. I dream about all of them - just wispy shadows, but it's them. I hear their voices." She let out a soft chuckle and took another gulp of her drink. "I'm trying to find the magic number of drinks it will take to block them out, but so far...."

Kaidan finished off his beer. "I think less might be better, Commander."

Shepard nodded. "I think you're right. Does it count as being an alcoholic if you're leading the entire galaxy against a God-like species of organic-synthetic hybrids?"

Kaidan let out a deep laugh, the first real one Shepard had heard in a long time. It was that laugh, the way his eyes crinkled in the corners, that made her call him into her cabin all those years ago. The raw, open honesty.

"I think anyone in your position would be an alcoholic," he said simply. "But... if you make it through this... promise me you'll check into a rehab?"

"If I make it through this, Kaidan, I swear upon all that is holy that I won't take another drink of alcohol for as long as I live," she said, raising her left hand, which still held her tumbler, and pantomiming placing her right on a Bible. "And, just to one up that, I swear that I will personally check myself into a psychologist to work through the emotional scars this shit has no-doubt put on me." She paused and then put her tumbler down on the coffee table. "You know what, even better. This is my last alcoholic drink. Ever."

Kaidan looked skeptical. "You serious?"

"On all of the lives I am fighting to protect, I swear it."

"Amen," Kaidan said, lifting his empty beer bottle to her. "And thanks, Commander. You didn't have to call me to help out today, but you did. And, for what it's worth - I'm really sorry for all the shit I put you through. The mistrust. Ma always said I was too emotional about the ladies in my life."

"It would be great to see you back on the Normandy," Shepard said, watching him closely for a reaction. "I mean, the Illusive Man is fucked no matter what, but the Reapers might be a little tough without some Citadel sanctioned backup."

Kaidan looked like Christmas had come early. "It'd be an honor, Shepard. Hell yes, I will come with you. I mean, who else could brag about teaming up with the first human Spectre, the Shadow Broker, Omega's infamous Archangel, one of the most notorious thieves in Citadel space, a quarian Admiral, and the rest of your accomplished crew?"

Shepard took an opportunity to look smug. "You're right - you totally owe me if we live through this. I mean, bragging rights alone are through the roof."

"I'll buy you a drink when it's all done."

"Nah, this was my last one, remember?" she grinned. "You can buy me a diet soda."

"Diet?" Kaidan repeated, looking surprised.

"Gotta keep this rocking body trim somehow," she teased, patting her abdomen.

"Speaking of that rocking body," Kasumi announced, appearing behind the chair and leaning down so her mouth was right next to Shepard's ear, "I need it in the kitchen. We're having a dance-off and Traynor claims she's never seen the infamous Shepard Shuffle."

Shepard rolled her eyes. "No Shepard Shuffling, I've had too much to drink."

"No such thing as too much to drink if your feet don't leave the ground," Kasumi said, grabbing Shepard's wrist and tugging her toward the kitchen.

When they arrived, however, it wasn't a dance off that Shepard faced. It was her crew, all of her comrades, all with glasses in their hands. Kaidan came up behind her and slipped a glass of soda into her hand before taking his place in front of her with the other crew. They all raised their glasses to her - silent but smiling. At peace. So sure that they were right where they should be; so sure that Shepard would save them all.

Shepard felt a lump rise in her throat and she shook her head, feeling the tears beading at her lower lashes.

"To you, Commander," Miranda spoke. Her own voice trembled slightly, but her smile was flawless, her arm wrapped around Jack's waist. "For your selflessness."

"For your honesty," Kaidan chimed in.

"For your bravery," Tali spoke.

"For your stubbornness," Jack chuckled.

“For standing beside us,” Wrex grumbled.

"For dancing with us," Vega crowed, making the others laugh.

"For coming back to us," Joker nodded.

"For believing in us," EDI intoned.

"For never giving up on us," Kasumi added.

"For listening to our toothbrush tirades," Traynor grinned.

"For reminding us we need rest," Liara smiled faintly.

"For being a kickass battlemaster," Grunt grunted.

“You mean _mom?”_ Tali teased. Grunt just chuckled deep in his chest.

"And for loving us," Garrus added softly.

"Some of us more than others," Joker added in, making everyone laugh again.

Shepard tried to swallow down the lump in her throat before murmuring, "To all of you. For being everything I am, and so much more. For being with me through thick and thin. For standing beside me when I am strong and when I am weak." She paused, taking a deep breath in an attempt to keep the tears from her voice. "For trusting me with your lives and the lives of all the people you hold dear."

Everyone let out a little cheer and downed their glasses. Shepard's tongue was assaulted with the sharp tang of diet soda and it almost made her cough. "I forgot how shitty diet soda tastes."

Kaidan shrugged. "Hey, you said diet, so I got you diet."

Shepard grinned. "That I did." She took another sip of her soda, this one smaller than the last, and shuddered a bit. "So, how about that dance off I was promised? I feel a Shepard Shuffle coming on."

"Oh, um, Shepard, I don't think that's a good idea," Garrus began, his mandibles flaring.

"Shepard, you might want to listen to your husband," Miranda chuckled, trying to hide it behind her tumbler. "Really, you're just going to embarrass-"

"Oh, there she goes," Kaidan laughed, running a hand through his hair. "That is even worse than I remember."

"You're just jealous you don't have such sweet moves," Traynor chuckled, shimmying up to the commander and attempting to match her movements. "I can't even begin to duplicate it!"

"I think it might be trademarked, so you might not _want_ to duplicate it," James added, shaking his head. "Get it, Shepard."

Shepard laughed and took Traynor's hands, trying to guide her in the art that was shuffling in place.

 

* * *

 

"Collision with docking bay in sixty seconds."

Shepard's breath fogged the glass of her new visor. The new breastplate was more trim than her last one, which was disorienting at best and just plain uncomfortable at worst. The grieves fit the same as her old N7 issue, but she still missed the blue and black armor she had spent so many battles within. It almost felt like losing a limb.

But Garrus had bought her new armor and asked that she wear it, even though she wasn't sure what made him think there was something wrong with her old armor.

Now that she thought about it, she hadn't seen her old armor since her trip to Huerta after the clone incident. She hadn't thought much about it, and now she wasn't sure if it was because of the stress of everything else, the promise of shore-leave, or the heavy meds they put her on. Maybe it had been destroyed somehow? Surely it could have been patched, though.

She pushed it back from her mind as she heard EDI say, "We have been detected. Collision with docking bay in 10, 9, 8, 7-"

Shepard glanced over at Garrus, who had insisted on being by her side every step of the way.

"6, 5, 4-"

And if they were going to die, if it was meant to be that she, or he, or they, might shuffle off their mortal coils, then she was glad they'd be together. She was glad the last face she might see was that of the person she loved more than anyone else.

"3. 2, 1-"

Garrus' hand hooked with hers and squeezed, so hard that she was sure her fingers would have snapped if it wasn't for her gloves.

"Impact."

The shuttle hurtled against the shield and passed effortlessly through, tearing the inside of the Illusive Man's shuttle bay to shreds. Shepard's new visor must have really been reinforced - Shepard hadn't gotten the ringing sensation of her brain complaining about being jolted around too much. She wasn't short of breath.

Perhaps Garrus was right. Perhaps a new set of armor was exactly what she needed.

Her feet hit the shuttle bay floor and the sound of gunfire and heavy mech footfalls focused her mind and made her sharper than she felt in weeks. Months, even. She ducked behind a supply crate, took a few quick breaths, and raised her gun. _Breath in, aim, exhale, fire._ The old mantra bragged through her mind as she focused on one enemy at a time.


	25. Silhouettes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
> 
> This chapter's song is thanks to ["Silhouttes," by Of Monsters and Men.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BBksAK0f0g) Please enjoy!

Earth was burning. It seemed like it had been burning for decades, the way the buildings were dilapidated and sinking into the charred ground. Everything was dark - ash filled the sky and streaked across her face, following the furrows of sweat and tears.

Shepard's chest was heaving and she wasn't sure if it was vomit or just bile rising in her throat. This was her home. This was her planet and it was a smoldering ruin.

Shepard threw herself to the ground, clenching her hands into tight fists, vomit burbling out of her mouth. She heard Kaidan calling out to her, asking her to please hold on because he was almost there.

"Shepard!"

She lay on the packed, blood-soaked ground and another wave of vomit fell from her mouth. Her entire body was shaking in a way she hadn't experienced since her first assignment. Since the first time she saw a dead body, torn apart and leaking entrails like a morbid stuffed toy.

"Shepard, do you read me?"

"I read," she heaved, shaking herself. She needed to get off of the ground. Garrus and Liara were pinned down and she needed to help them hold back the ground forces. She needed to-

"Incoming troops!" Garrus called over their feed, and Shepard could sense the relief in his voice. "Thank the spirits! Shepard, the Blood Pack is coming in. We have reinforcements!"

Shepard pulled herself from the ground and stood on wobbling legs, grabbing her pistol and trying to breathe past the foul odor of sick in her nose. "Good, maybe we have a chance."

She regrouped with Liara and Garrus, who were leaning against a downed Mako for cover. "Kaidan's on his way, Shepard," Liara said, looking at the commander with sympathy. "I'm so sorry."

Shepard shook her head and wiped the rough plates of her armor across her face, hoping to clear away any stray flecks of vomit or traces of tears. "Focus. We need to keep this place secure until Kaidan gets here with the battery."

"Isn't that our lot in life?" Garrus chuckled mirthlessly. "The missile launcher needed to take down a Reaper is strapped to the back of a Mako that runs off of a battery, not solar. And, that battery chooses now to crap out on us. Talk about timing."

"We've been doing pretty well, though.  If our luck holds out, it's only a minor setback, " Liara reminded before ducking out of cover and letting off some volleys of shredder ammo at the closest banshee.

Shepard took a few moments to catch her breath by patching into Hackett's feed. "Hackett, Commander Shepard. What is our status?"

"Citadel ETA one hour," he announced. "Crucible ETA one hour twenty-three minutes. How is it ground-side?"

"We're holding," Shepard replied as truthfully as she could. "We could do with more troops, of course, but…."

"Shepard, Kaidan's here!" Garrus called.

"I'll leave you to it," Shepard said to Hackett.

"Good luck, Commander. Hackett out."

 

* * *

"Shepard, we have a problem."

Shepard dropped down behind a crate, pressing a hand to her ear so she could hear better. "Hackett, what's going on? I thought you said the Crucible was an hour out? We're going on three hours here and half of my men are injured."

"The Citadel is here but the Crucible is still on route; they're meeting heavy resistance from the Reaper forces. We have another problem, though, Shepard. We need the arms of the Citadel to open if we're going to dock the Crucible, as your notes suggest. Our men who were stationed there aren't responding - we're not sure if it's that Reaper beam, or..."

"Shit," Shepard cursed heavily. She could hear the others doing their best to keep the husks off of her. "So, what do you suggest? How the hell am I going to get to the Citadel?"

"I have a shuttle en route. This needs to be done, and fast."

Shepard cursed again, popping over her cover. Another Reaper had landed and was warming up its firing chamber. "Hackett, I’m needed here."

"This is an order, Commander."

Shepard bit her lower lip. Her hands were shaking. "I need a crew-"

"We can't spare anyone else," Hackett said simply. There was silence and then he said, "Cortez is on his way to you with a new drop ship. Anderson is with him. Go."

Hackett left the feed and Shepard screamed uselessly. She tossed herself over the crate and saddled up beside Garrus and Kaidan. "I need to go. A drop ship is coming and they need me on the Citadel."

"What?" Garrus snapped, turning to her. She saw the panic in his eyes. "Shepard, you can't do this alone-"

"Anderson will be with me," she said simply, tearing her eyes from his worried face and focusing on a harvester that had landed a few clicks away. She raised her rifle and let out some explosive rounds, watching them sink into the harvester's gaping maw.

"Shepard-"

"Garrus, I need you here," she said simply. "Keep the others in line, keep them focused. Keep them alive."

"Shepard-"

"Shepard, we're nearing your position. Be ready in 30 seconds," Cortez called, patching into her feed. "I need to get out before that harvester notices me."

"I have to go," Shepard said softly to Garrus. She looped an arm around his neck, pulling him down and kissed him, hard, feeling bullets pinging off of her shield. She didn't care in that moment because this would probably be the last time she ever kissed him.

When she pulled away, she tossed an incinerate in the harvester's direction and said, "I love you."

"I love you, too," he replied, and she saw then that he was thinking the same thing she was. He was thinking this was the last time he would see her.

"There's no Shepard without Vakarian," she reminded him, hoping the hitch in her voice was covered by the sound of gunfire. "Be safe."

"Come back," he whispered. “Your husband needs you.”

"Shepard, I'm almost there. Be ready."

Shepard took one last, long look at Garrus before turning and running toward the descending drop ship.

 

* * *

 

"There's an exterior shaft we should be able to access there," Anderson said, although his words didn't seem to mean much to Shepard. Her mind was elsewhere even as she tried to focus on the task at hand. She had never been alone. She had always had a crew. 

She always had Garrus.

"You'll have to jump, I can't get too much closer to that gap," Cortez mumbled, sounding annoyed. He never liked putting her in a situation that might be dangerous. "You up for it, Commander?"

"She's up for it," Anderson said briskly, pounding her on the back. Shepard felt a little queasy, like she might throw up again, but she held it together as she secured a helmet over her visor. She then grabbed the handlebar at the side of the door. "Cortez, we're ready when you are."

Cortez secured a mask around his face and then counted down for them. At zero, he flipped a switch and zero gravity took over as the shuttle door opened.

Shepard angled her body, just as she had been trained all those years ago, and pushed out of the shuttle, rocketing toward the narrow shaft. Once she was in, it took her a few moment to right herself and grab onto a handhold near the door.

"I'm here, Anderson. Come on through."

Anderson joined her after a few seconds, looking even rustier than she felt with his zero-grav landing. He was breathing heavier than usual - Shepard could tell from the puffs of fog on his mask. "Nervous?" she teased, or tried to. It sounded hollow, even to her.

Anderson attempted a chuckle. "I'd be dead if I wasn't nervous, Commander. Get the hatch open."

Shepard thumbed in the emergency code and the hatch dilated. She floated inside, waiting for Anderson to clear the door before closing the hatch again. She opened the second hatch and waited for the pleasant  _ ping _ letting her know oxygen had been restored.

"Where to?" Shepard asked as the second door slip open and she walked through, removing the helmet.

"Keeper tunnels is all I can think," Anderson sighed, taking off his own helmet. "It's the only part of this damn place we haven't explored entirely since the keepers never let us near them."

Something he said dawned on Shepard. It was like an epiphany. "Where are they now?" Shepard asked hesitantly. The station was silent.

"Where are who?"

"The keepers. Where are the keepers now?"

Anderson was silent for a moment before he cursed. "It's been the keepers this whole time, hasn't it?"

Shepard shook her head. "It always seemed odd to me, that they were transferring large amounts of encrypted data. And now we know who it was to. The Reapers."

"Wait, hold on a minute. You knew?" Anderson asked, seeming astounded. "You knew they were transferring data? Shepard, why didn't you-"

"Some idiot back when I got command of the Normandy," Shepard explained, her heart hammering faster as she spoke. "Or, at least, I thought he was an idiot. He was trying to figure out what the keepers were. So he had me get close to them and help him collect data. He didn't say much, other than they were transferring mass quantities of data somewhere into dark space. He said he needed time to analyze and translate the data. I never thought anything of it until now."

Their footsteps were the only sounds as Anderson thought over her words. "A salarian, right?"

Shepard paused but remembered herself, remembered where she was, and quickened her pace. "Yeah. Why?"

There was more silence, and then Anderson let out a sad chuckle. "He came before the councilors after you died. He had compiled it all and transcribed it into legible salarian writing. Claimed that this was proof that the Reaper threat was real and that you had been right all along."

"And? What happened then?"

"The Dalatrass had him extradited to Sur'Kesh and executed for inciting panic and treason."

Shepard sighed, shaking her head. "If only someone had listened."

"If only."

 

* * *

 

The keeper tunnels became filthier as they walked through them. Bodies were everywhere, in all manners of decay. Shepard was boggled at the sheer amount of bodies as she stepped around tibia bones and half rotted faces.

"Where do they all come from?" Shepard wondered aloud.

Anderson was trying not to breathe through his nose. "We always wondered how the Citadel could have so many missing persons in the middle of space."

"Oh God," Shepard whispered. She tried not to think about the missing persons' wall in the C-Sec office, the one right next to Garrus' old office. The one she would glance over at every time she was in the precinct. "Oh God," she repeated. "How long has this been happening? How long have they been... harvesting?"

The keepers that milled around the paths, poking through bodies and sending data, ignored them. They were there for one reason, and that reason, at this moment, didn't involve Shepard or Anderson.

They pushed on, through the acrid, stale air and body parts.

When they emerged, it was in a cavern-like central room. Massive arching doorways lined the room, identical to the one they had just pushed through.

And in the middle of the room was a podium with blinking lights and a keyboard for commands. In front of it stood the Illusive Man.

"Shepard," he greeted, and he seemed truly pleased to be there with her. "It's been a long time since we met face-to-face."

"We never met face-to-face," Shepard corrected without meaning to. It was pointless to feed into his bullshit. The longer he talked, the longer she was kept away from the ground team. The longer others were forced to fight and die.

The longer she was kept from Garrus....

"You're right - that wasn't fully accurate," the Illusive Man acquiesced. "Although, I did see you once in person. You were a charred mess and lying on an operating table. No pulse. No hair. You were literally nothing more than some fried skin, bones, a half-preserved heart and a, somehow, fully intact brain. Not the most impressive specimen, I'll admit."

Shepard swallowed. She refused to let him know he was getting to her, even though he was. "Oh, well, sorry I somehow forgot that meeting. I don't know what was wrong with me, not remembering that encounter."

The Illusive Man smiled and beckoned her closer. His skin was pale and ashen, but the cybernetics in his eyes were brighter than usual. Crazed. He held his arms out wide and Shepard saw the metallic coating that was beginning to creep up his neck. He was turning into one of his abominations. "Shepard, look at this. This is evolution. This is how we keep living. If everyone would just stop fighting it we could-"

"You do realize you sound crazy, right?" Shepard snapped as she glided toward him. "This isn't evolution, this is extinction. Our entire species is being slaughtered on our home planet. Where does evolution fit into that?"

"No, Shepard, that's where you're wrong." The Illusive Man came closer and Shepard could feel the cold salt water in the back of her throat. She could feel Leviathan stretching its spindly legs out and grasping around her head.

It was back. After a week of clarity, Leviathan had returned.

**_"You fool.  You are indoctrinated,"_ ** Shepard hissed, but it wasn't her voice. It was deeper, darker, older than some universes.

"No, I'm in control," he smiled, stepping forward. "I control them now. I am the one pulling the strings. I am the one with all the power now, Shepard. And you're nothing but a flea beneath my boot. You're the indoctrinated one!" His eyes rolled back for a moment, and then the voice that emerged was that of Harbinger.  _ "Hello, Creators. We've been waiting for you to emerge." _

Shepard felt her lips twitch and the Leviathan inside her bristled like an angry cat.  **"You were flawed. We will avenge our mistake."**

 

* * *

 

"Holy shit, Garrus, we've got Reapers exploding left and right. Seriously, there are some massive tick things hovering around and all of the reapers keep exploding and... Jesus, is this what you told me to look out for?"

"Joker, calm down," Garrus ordered, his voice lacerated with the sound of gunfire. "Just follow our plan."

"Garrus, I admire your dedication, but I don't think we have the forces, let alone the numbers to take down the Reapers - now you're asking us to take down something even stronger than-"

"Send the order through the ranks!" Garrus yelled.

Joker nodded to EDI, who opened a broadcast to the turian, asari, and quarian fleets.

"This is the SSV Normandy. All ships, abandon Reaper targets," Joker ordered, feeling dread welling in his throat. "Target Leviathan."


	26. Death and All His Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
> 
>  **Chapter notes:** Two chapters left, including this one!
> 
> This chapter's title song is thanks to ["Death and All His Friends," by Coldplay.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_wcRxGbqdU) Please enjoy!

Shepard closed her eyes and opened them slowly. Anderson was on the ground, blood spilling all over the floor. His eyes were clear and bright, not the glassy sheen of death. His wound was either non-lethal or he had died very recently.

She glanced from side to side, trying to catch her breath and her bearings. The Illusive Man stood before her with a gun in hand, his mouth twisted into something that might have been a smile, had it not been so wide and slack-jawed.

_ "You see, Shepard?"  _ he asked, his voice lacing with that of Harbinger's.  _ "No one can stand against us. You can't even keep yourself from succumbing to your own indoctrination. You know how powerful we are. Why bother to resist?" _

Shepard looked out one of the massive floor-to-ceiling windows that dotted the control room. She couldn’t see anything, thanks to the closed arms, but she could imagine it.  She could see the explosions of the battle in her mind’s eyes. The Reapers and Leviathan would be entwined, their legs grasping at one another. The Leviathan would be destroying the Reapers - or so Shepard imagined.

The Illusive Man shuddered violently, a hand raising to his head. Shepard took the moment to lunge past him and at the control panel, scanning the panel for something that might help.  _ It'd be too much to have a button labeled 'Citadel Arm Opener,' would it? _ She thought, pressing button after button in a panicked attempt to do something.

It was getting harder to breathe and she could hear a ringing in her ears, but she didn't place the other noises in the room until she saw a droplet of blood splatter over this screen. She reached up to feel the gash on the side of her neck - too shallow to have punctured anything vital, but deep enough to be bleeding heavily.

She turned and the Illusive Man was staggering toward her, gun outstretched. He had shot her. He had probably aimed for her head, but the way he was twitching everywhere, it was truly amazing he even managed to graze her neck.

"You will not take this from me," he wheezed. "You will all be under my control."

Shepard reached behind her and pressed the blue button at the bottom left of the monitor. The station shuddered and the Illusive Man topped to the side, letting out a guttural scream.

Shepard glanced out the window again and gaped at the difference a single minute could make. The Citadel arms were opening, unfurling like a flower, and the Crucible was there, waiting.  The Reapers were amassing, coming together to form an impenetrable wall, dwarfing the Leviathan numbers.

And the Flotilla, asari, and turian fleets had opened fire on Leviathan.

"What the hell?" Shepard asked no one in particular.

She turned back to the Illusive Man, who was still on the floor, rocking to and fro with one hand clutching his gun and the other clutching his head.

"It's finally over," Shepard sighed. She pulled her gun out and leveled at the Illusive Man. "I'm sorry," she said simply.

The Illusive Man began cackling as he rolled. "Sorry? You're never sorry. Never sorry for any life you take, Shepard. You're ruthless and you should follow your instincts more often. Give yourself over. Control them. You can control them better than I ever could-"

Shepard knelt down and pressed her gun to his temple. "You're right. I'm not sorry. We were always meant to be in this position. It always boiled down to you and me."

In a moment of clarity, the Illusive Man's hands uncurled from his face and his eyes met hers. They seemed less feverish as he whispered, _"Releasing control."_

Shepard pulled the trigger and the Illusive Man's body slumped to the ground.

"Shepard, we've docked but nothing's happening," Hackett said suddenly and frantically over her feed. "Shepard, you need to hurry. The Reapers are amassing, I think they're going to do one final attempt-"

The buzzing was back and Shepard could taste the sea in her mouth. She closed her eyes, feeling Leviathan humming in her ear.  **You promised us life.**

_ You have it. _

**No. We have the life of a species soon to be eradicated. Even now, your people turn against us. Even now we are being gunned down for our assistance.**

_ You have my life, _ Shepard tried valiantly. The water was filling her lungs, choking her.  _ You've been controlling me for months. You know I didn't do this. I didn't know- _

**But your mate did,** Leviathan murmured. **He thought we could not hear when you slept. He thought we could not see when your eyes were closed. He thought we did not hear his conversations about getting rid of your armor, and our shard necklace with it. He thought we did not know his midnight whispers of rebelling against us. He sabotaged** **his own plans; all we had to do was wait patiently and quietly. And now we demand payment. We will live, we will hide again and live, but first, we demand payment from him.**

_ No, _ Shepard whispered, her throat closing up.  _ Don't hurt him. _

**We will hurt him,** Leviathan assured her.  **We will hurt him the only way we can.**

The pain of suffocating was easier this time around. Shepard fell to the floor, her cheek pressed into the pooling blood from the Illusive Man’s head.  Her hands scrabbled uselessly at her own throat, but inside she was at peace. She wasn't alone. Her eyes watched as Leviathan died and Reapers amassed and the charred, blue and green orb of Earth spun slowly beneath her. Somewhere on that orb was the man she loved. Somewhere down there, he was praying for her life while she died.

She wanted to say she loved him. She wanted so much to say that one last thing; to patch into his feed and tell him she loved him and that everything would be okay, and that, eventually, he would love again.

But instead, she closed her eyes and let everything wash away.

 

* * *

Hackett was shaking his head, feeling the useless, hot and angry tears building up behind his eyes. Shepard was not responding. All was lost.

"Admiral Hackett... do you read?"

"Anderson, is that you?" Hackett barked.

"Aff...irmative. Sorry, Admiral... guess I decided to... take a... nap."

"Are you wounded?"

"Affirmative. Shepard is... gone. There's blood everywhere. I think she and... the Illusive Man finished... each other off."

"Jesus," Hackett whispered, closing his eyes. "Anderson, I need you to figure out what's going on over there. We've docked the Crucible but nothing's happening."

"Affirmative."

Hackett listened as Anderson breathed raggedly. It sounded like a pierced lung - it sounded like Anderson wouldn't make it. But then he wheezed, "I'm at the control panel. It... It doesn't make any sense, there's... there's gibberish on the screen."

"Press buttons," Hackett ordered. "It's the best we can do."

"Not like... it can get much worse," Anderson tried to laugh but ended up choking. "Commencing button pushing... and if... I don't make... it. It's been a... honor, Admiral."

 

* * *

 

Garrus looked up at the sky in time to see the flash of a shockwave rippling through the atmosphere. The Crucible must have finally arrived.  Must have finally docked.

Garrus grabbed Liara and pulled her down the ground, covering her body with his just as the building beside them exploded under the force of the shockwave, raining down shrapnel and glass.

They stayed on the ground for a few minutes while Earth screamed around them. Garrus stood shakily, debris falling off of his back as he did so. He helped Liara to stand before reaching out to the Normandy's feed. "Joker, EDI, do you copy?"

There was nothing for three long minutes as he attempted to hail them. And then, EDI shakily replied, "Garrus. We are glad to hear your voice. Our communications were down, but we read you. The Reaper ships have all disintegrated in the wake of the Crucible’s shockwave. Leviathan is retreating. It looks like we have won. How are you?"

Garrus looked around. The ash and soot and debris had made everything into a gray haze but, through it, he made out the forms of the Reapers they had been attempting to keep off of their backs. They were all dead.

"I think... I think they're all gone," Liara began softly.

Kaidan and the others began checking into the line, asking for updates and assuring everyone of their health.

"She did it," Garrus breathed, his chest tightening. "Shepard, you did it!"

There was silence and then EDI began softly, "I have been attempting to pick up Shepard's comm since we got communication back... but have not heard anything."

Garrus' mandibles flared and Liara made a soft, choked sound in the back of her throat. She reached out and hugged Garrus, who had gone silent. 

"She's fine," he said finally and with feeling. "She's just busy."

 

* * *

 

Immediately after the threat was over, filled with hope and pride, Hackett took to his comm room and announced, "It is thanks to all of those who have lost their lives in the past year and today that I stand here. It is thanks to all of those who gave everything they had in order to preserve our livelihood. I would like to honor all of our fallen soldiers with a moment of silence to reflect on all they have done for us."

All of council space went quiet for the first time in known history. News networks quickly began publishing names of those known dead or missing.

In small print, near the bottom of the list of names of the missing and unknown, was Commander Jane L. Shepard.


	27. Epilogue - No One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
> 
>  **Chapter notes:** Thank you for following along on this ride! It's weird - it's a series I wrote in 2012, but re-writing it was just as exciting (maybe more exciting, even!) than the first time around. Thank you for all of your kind words and support - it means the world to me.
> 
> This chapter's title song goes out to ["No One's Gonna Love You (More Than I Do)," by Band of Horses.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuZo7pLnL7c)
> 
> Now, without further ado - please enjoy!

Kaidan entered the bar wearily, running a hand over his face. It had been a long time since he'd been here, but he was running out of excuses. He wasn't 'too busy' anymore, now that the last of the Leviathan were wiped out and not a threat to anyone. He wasn't settled down with a family and he had recently accepted a career change to Councilor, so he couldn't hide behind his previous Admiral duties.

And it wasn't fair to avoid them. They were good to him. It wasn't fair to make them feel like he didn't care or didn't think of them. He did – and often. More often than he wanted to admit.

"A human, a Spectre, and a Councilor walk into a bar…."

Kaidan grinned and was surprised to find it came naturally. "Garrus Vakarian. It seems beach life suits you."

Garrus was seated at the empty bar, sipping from a glass. There was a small turian child – the youngest of Garrus' brood – playing with a pair of varren pups on a rug. The pups were gentle with her and lovingly covered her face plates in kisses.

"It seems Councilor life suits you. Although I think I see a few spare pounds rolling around there," he added, voice hinting at laughter.

Kaidan patted his slightly rounded stomach. "Well, it has been ten years since I've seen active duty. Fifteen since I was in my prime."

"I only kid you because you make it easy. Pull up a seat, I'll get you a drink." Garrus moved behind the bar and grabbed a beer from the fridge. It was a Canadian draft – Garrus had remembered Kaidan's fondness for them.

"Should we make a toast?" Kaidan asked nodding toward the framed picture at the head of the bar.

A photo of Shepard hung there. It had been taken at her wedding to Garrus seventeen years prior – she was wearing the white, innocent dress with the blue sash, her scars shining pink against her milky skin. She was always proud of her scars. She was never afraid to show them.

Kaidan's eyes lingered on how Shepard bit her full lower lip in the picture. The way her left cheek dimpled as she smiled. The crinkles around her eyes, showing that she laughed and laughed often. Her startling emerald eyes. Her fiery hair.

It had been a candid shot - probably taken by one of the many reporters who had come to see the wedding procession. Even so, she was poised and radiant with only a hint of tears shimmering in her eyes.  Everything about her was so vibrant and full of life.

"She wouldn't want us toasting her," Garrus said simply, topping off his glass. "So, I guess that means we should do it."

Kaidan smiled and lifted his beer. "To Shepard. The best goddamn commander I could have ever asked for. She was a friend, even when I didn't deserve one."

Garrus chuckled. "To Shepard. Always there when you needed someone, but never asked for anything in return."

"Well… except for busting Lark," Kaidan added.

"Lark?" Garrus' daughter spoke up, her head turning and her large, crystalline eyes, so much like her father's, met Kaidan's. "Lark, lark, lark," she repeated, and then began making a squawking noise that Kaidan could only guess was a turian child's idea of a bird call.

"Adaina, come over here," Garrus chuckled. The little turian flounced over and lifted her arms, expecting to be picked up. Garrus acquiesced and plopped the child on the bar. "Adaina, this is Kaidan. You remember mommy and me telling you he'd be coming?"

"Lark!" she chirped as if agreeing.

"It's good to finally meet you, Adaina," Kaidan greeted the girl, but she wiggled fiercely and Garrus put her back on the ground.  Adaina ran back to the varren pups and went about telling one of them that his new name was Lark.

Garrus' mandibles wiggled. "She renames them at least four times a day. It's impossible for us to keep up."

"How's Crush?" Kaidan asked with a smile. The krogan boy – or teen, now – was the eldest of Garrus' three children. "And Vai'Len?"

"Crush is off on his rite of passage," Garrus sighed. "He expressly forbade us from coming along since, evidently, we embarrass him." He shook his head but smiled. "Doesn't keep him from calling his mom every night, though. And Vai'Len is getting ready for her Pilgrimage."

"Already?" Kaidan asked, eyes widening. "Isn't she a little young?"

"Young and brilliant," Garrus chuckled, leaning back in his chair. "She's smart as a whip. Thirteen years old and she's already surpassed every educational institute we have here. She's even working on a better cure for the Genophage," he added. "She's been begging us to let her stay at Auntie Tali's this summer since she thinks she's found a way to extend the immune systems of the older quarians. Evidently some ingredients Tali is working on there on Rannoch might be the key."

Kaidan glanced over at Adaina who was immersed in her play. "How'd you get so lucky?"

"We all owe our luck to Shepard," Garrus said, raising his glass and looking over Kaidan’s shoulder.

A chuckle came from behind him and Kaidan turned quickly. "All this Shepard talk. I thought Shepard was dead?"

Kaidan had to keep his heart in check or else it might burst out of his chest. Jane Shepard, or Jane Vakarian as she was now known, strode into the room wearing a pair of cut-off shorts and a white tank top. She was darker than the last time Kaidan had seen her – all of her time in the Palaven sun had lightened her red hair, and all of her time with children had put some gray there, as well.  Her collar bone was now decorated with a blue tribal design similar to Garrus' clan markings.

She was still stunning. Kaidan felt a pang of regret for still pining, but it was hard when the first, and only, woman he had ever loved walked in looking better than the day he'd fallen for her.

Jane wrapped her arms around Kaidan, hugging him close. "It's been too long," she said simply.

As she pulled away, she pressed a kiss to Garrus' scarred mandible. She then descended on her youngest daughter, pulling to girl into her arms and swinging her around. The little turian girl giggled and announced, "Lark!"

Jane froze for a moment but then forced a smile. "Lark, huh?"

"Pretty name," the girl announced.

"It is, isn't it?" Jane smiled, pressing a kiss to Adaina's head, nestling her nose into the soft feathery down that looked almost hair-like. "A pretty name for a pretty bird with a pretty song. You know what Mommy used to be called?”

“Mommy!”

Shepard grinned, leaning in to affectionately nibble her daughter's neck. "I used to be called Dove. That's a bird, too. You know what Daddy used to be called?” She smirked over at Garrus. “Archangel.”

“Angel!” Adaina squealed before wiggling in Jane's arms. "Down.”

"What do you say?" Garrus called.

"Down, please," she added, huffing.

"Good girl," Jane smiled, kissing her again and placing her on the floor to harass the varren pups.

"Shep… Jane… how have you been?" Kaidan asked, feeling strangely awkward.

Jane grinned. "It's weird, isn't it? I've only just gotten used to not being called Shepard." She fiddled around behind the bar and pulled a soda can out, sipping from it. "It's been good. Palaven agrees with me. And so does running a bar."

"I'm pretty sure I run the bar," Garrus corrected her. "You run the brothel out back."

Kaidan raised an eyebrow and Jane chuckled. "There's no brothel, he's just talking about the varren run," she said. "We have a very amorous pair of varren that got a little frisky before we were able to have them fixed, hence the two pups Adaina won't let out of her sight."

"Who are now both named Lark," Garrus alerted her.

"For the next ten minutes, anyway," Jane grinned, leaning into the bar. "She'll find another pretty name she likes better soon enough."

Adaina chose that moment to let out a bird-like trill of, “Angel!”

Garrus frowned. Shepard chuckled.

She turned her attention back to Kaidan. "How are things over at the Citadel? I haven't been there in… damn, four years?"

"Not since Adaina came to us," Garrus nodded.

"The same as ever," Kaidan shrugged. "Politics, politics, politics. At least we don't have Reapers breathing down our neck and a Council that won't listen to reason."

Jane grinned, tilting her head to the side. "I am so proud of you, Kaidan."

Kaidan felt his cheeks flush. "What? I didn't do any-"

She patted his arm. "You did, though. You've been fighting the good fight.  Don’t sell yourself short."

Kaidan wasn't sure how to answer, but he ended up not having to. Garrus chose that moment to announce it closing time, and demand a bonfire and cookout.

 

* * *

 

It was getting late by the time Garrus ushered Vai’Len toward bed, leaving Jane and Kaidan to sit in front of the roaring bonfire. The smell of the ocean wafted over Kaidan and he let out a sigh, allowing himself to relax back into the beach chair.

"It's great out here. I can see why you love it."

Jane grinned and leaned her head back on her own chair. "It is."

Kaidan sat in the warm silence before asking, "Were you scared? Waking up in those keeper tunnels with no one else around?" When she didn't answer right away, Kaidan said quickly, "I just… I read the reports. Now that I have sanction to. And Anderson's report said he went to get help when medical teams arrived. He came back and you were just… gone."

Jane closed her eyes, her dark lashes dusting her cheeks. "I thought I was dead, Kaidan. The last thing I knew, Leviathan was suffocating me and I remembered seeing Earth and…."  Her voice trailed off. "When I came to, I was buried under another body. The Illusive Man's, I'd find out later. All I could smell was death and decay and everything was so dark, I…."

She took a deep breath. "I didn't know I was really alive. I thought I was dead and that I was in Hell. I thought for sure that all of that religion stuff Ashley preached at us might have been onto something. I just…. I laid there and I kept thinking, _this is all there is. This is all there will ever be._

"And then I started thinking," she continued. Her voice was thick. "I started thinking about the last time I died. About how there hadn't been anything after my death.  Absolutely nothing until I was revived. So why now? If it's true that I was in Hell, why now and not then?

"And then I heard your voice," she whispered. Her voice broke and she reached up to wipe her tears away from her eyes. "I heard you so faintly, but you were there and you were real. I just started sobbing and wailing and trying to push the bodies away."

Kaidan reached out and took her hand. "You were quite the sight."

Jane laughed between the tears. "I bet. Covered in blood and soot and everything else. I'm sure I didn't smell that great, either."

Kaidan squeezed her slender fingers between his. "I meant, you were quite the sight in a good way. We were all so worried you were…. But Garrus, he rallied us all. He knew you were alive. He felt it. He knew we had to find you."

 _"You_ found me." Jane smiled.

Garrus returned then with another beer for Kaidan and a diet soda for Jane. Kaidan dropped her hand quickly, not wanting to cause any problems between Jane and her husband. If Garrus had noticed it, he said nothing.

"You kept that promise about never touching alcohol again?" Kaidan chuckled, trying to avoid a lull in the conversation.

"Eh, diet soda's not that bad… once you get used to the terrible taste," Jane winked, popping the tab and taking a swig. "I also made sure to go to counseling at Cipritine Medical. The nightmares aren't so bad anymore," she added with a small chuckle. "Still working on the guilt, though." She then put the soda in the sand at her feet and took Garrus' hand with her right and Kaidan's with her left.

"Thank you for coming, Kaidan. It means so much to me."

Kaidan smiled and glanced over at Garrus, who looked sincerely appreciative, as well. "It's my pleasure."

"Try not to be a stranger for so long," Garrus added.

"Of course," he said suddenly overwhelmed. "I mean, no, I won't. I just thought you two… after all this time, I just assumed you both wanted me to keep my distance, you know?"

"Kaidan, you're being stupid," Jane said, rolling her eyes. Her smile was gentle and forgiving, though. "You're our friend. We want you in our lives."

"You brought my wife back to me," Garrus added. "You're always welcome in our home."

 

* * *

 

Kaidan had left after a few days on the beach. Jane curled up with Garrus on their couch, the house suddenly still without him in it. "Still as nervous as ever, isn't he?" she sighed. "You'd think he'd grow out of it. I mean, he's a councilor now!"

Garrus pulled her over into his lap and her head nestled on top of his cowl, her lips brushing his neck. "He's a good person who tries very hard to stay that way. Especially around you. He'll never grow out of it."

Jane hummed her agreement, her fingers lazily tracing over Garrus' linen shirt. "Well, I'm glad he's finally realized you're not going to pummel him at the slightest opportunity and that I'm not going to pull a gun on him."

"To his defense, you've pulled a gun on him a few times before," Garrus reminded her.

The front door slammed as Vai'Len flounced in, back from school.  Her long, dark hair trailing behind her lithe body. She had been one of the first children born after the incorporation of geth technology into quarian fertility, and as such did not require an environmental suit.  Even so, she was more susceptible to illness than their other children.  Luckily, the dry heat of Palaven agreed with her.

"Hi honey," Jane called after her and then turned back to Garrus. "I've pulled a gun on you a few times if I remember correctly."

"Well, I'm not a good person and seeing you with a gun is kind of a turn on," he admitted, nuzzling his face into her shoulder-length waterfall of hair.

"Eww, you have a _room,_ you know," Vai'Len groaned as she walked past again, a protein drink in one hand and a datapad in the other.

Jane grinned and waited until their eldest girl had gone to her room before murmuring, "Such a smart girl. What do you say we head there right now?"

"Mmm, you read my mind." 

He picked her up and carried her into their room, Jane burying her face into his cowl to stifle her giggles.  

When they arrived, he placed her lovingly on the bed, carefully pulling her shirt and shorts off, covering her neck and chest in kisses.  His tongue curled over a pert nipple as he leaned down to secure her panties, sliding them off with practiced ease.

It was always new with her.  After all of these years, he was still in love with every breath she took, every smile, every flutter of her eyelids.  Turians were known for their sharp memories, their attention to details, their ability to retain those things.

Garrus was no exception.  When he saw her with their children, he was reminded of her sweetness when they first met - her patient smile, her gentle touch on his arm when he told her about his investigation.  When he saw her running the varren around the track behind their bar, he remembered her training in the shuttle bay, her body coiling and extending, her slender, muscled body contorting in yoga poses, in boxing stances, in cardio runs.  When he held her close, he remembered their night in Branson, their night under the stars in Cipritine.  When their mouths met, he remembered their first kiss - in Vancouver, sitting in a Japanese meditation garden.  When he ran his talons ran across her skin, he remembered the taste of her, the smell of her, her warmth and her passion.

Jane laughed softly, caressing his face, pulling him to her.  “What are you thinking about, Vakarian?”

His heart swelled with love, but he bit back his words of admiration.  She knew.  She knew his love and she was never one for flowery words.  "Well, Vakarian,” he began in a sultry whisper, his voice flanging, “I was just wondering if you still have those cowboy pasties things from our wedding?"

Jane slapped his arm playfully as she hooked his mandibles with her hands, pulling him into her, her mouth covering his. "You're a louse."

"You love it."

"I really do."

 

**_\- Fin -_ **


End file.
